Published by

Ron Schalow

Ron Schalow is the owner of Iceberg Publishing, president of The Coalition for Bakken Crude Oil Stabilization and an amatuer agitator. Among Schalow's writings are two books: a nonfiction book about 9/11 and the movements of George W. Bush on that tragic day called "Bull$#!* Artist”; and a novel about an unlikely group of American suicide bombers who have been dropped into the tribal regions of Pakistan. It is named "Perfect Whackjobs." Schalow lives in Fargo.

RON SCHALOW: The Traitor, Tariffs And Toddlers

“SHUT UP, Stan, or I’ll do something drastic, you meathead” screams Orville. “Another one, bartender.”

Stan stands by a stool for a minute, to let his eyes adjust to the low bar lighting. He sits and says, “I like where your head’s at, Orv. Preventative attacks never turn out bad. I’ll take your spasm under advisement. How many quarts of Smirnoff have you drained today? Just curious. Say, did you hear that the president is a traitor? He kissed Putin on the lips, and it went downhill from there. I think Vlad might have a case for assault.”

“The black one?”

“I’m not sure what color this Trump fellow is,” answers Stan. “It varies. Coke please. He has a hunk of asbestos on his head, so the dude isn’t up to code. I know that much. His load bearing walls don’t look like they are bearing the load. His chins are causing downward stress. I’m thinking of being outraged, but this president has been giving me spinal taps. It’s strenuously oppressive. Do you give a rip?”

“Not unless it’s the black one,” snorts Orv. “I think I voted for this Trump guy. Everything is fine. Probably made up by lib!#&*s, like you.”

“Could be. The cameras caught him smooching Putin’s bum in high definition, though. There was some outside the pants fondling. Nothing illegal in Finland, evidently. If Trump had dropped his pants, the whole affair wouldn’t have been more shameful. I hope Putin was wearing protection, so he can be poisoned at a later date, when we hate Russia again. A Trump STD. Can you imagine? Superbug city.

“Vlad still gave the big kid a soccer ball after being groped. Little Donnie was delighted and touched by the gesture. His mascara ran like a mountain stream, polluted with precious clean coal mine dust. The trout love it.”

“I told you to shut up, Stan. That stuff never happened.”

“Oh, it happened. There were 8 zillion witnesses. Some vomited in midtreason but were able to keep Saltines down for the replays and got the whole ugly Trump experience. Would you consider Putin to be unconventionally handsome? I need to know.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I have no idea,” admits Stan. “Ugly, maybe. I was hoping you would know. I think Vlad looks like an Idaho russet. A polished one. Maybe a Yukon gold spud. You look like a unconventional sugar beet, past its prime. You know, Orv, I taste gasoline every time you take a sip of vodka. Ethanol, maybe.

“I could handle high octane corn squeezins when I was younger, during the best unremembered years of my life. but not anymore. My liver goes berserk, if alcohol touches my lips. A half-thimble of pot seems to synchronize my innards and help the pain a little. I have to smoke it in Cheney’s bunker, though. It’s inconvenient to my retirement lifestyle, but my gastrointestinal system demands continuity. Believe me.”

“I don’t want to hear about your stupid insides, you loopy pothead. And I was there for your wonder years, you souse.”

“Too late, dude, and former souse. Say, Orv. Did you ever put your kids in cages and make them eat liver? Kennel up, brats.”

“What!” screeches Orville. “Of course not. Why would you ask me such a thing? Bartender. Stay close.”

“Trump still has thousands of kids in cages, and I was wondering if you thought that was a good idea. Personally, I’m against the practice. Kevin Cramer says chain-link fencing can’t be a cage, but that’s an old timey Russian wives tale. You can’t squeeze through those holes. I should know. You just get diced. Only the jaws of life can get a guy out of a chain-link cage. Or some good metal snippers. An acetylene torch might …”

“We don’t put kids in cages, Stan. That’s stupid talk.”

“Well, we do now. Cocoa-tinted ones only as far as I know. It’s in all of the papers. Their parents are kept in another state, so they can’t speak to each other in code. Some say it’s just Spanish, but I can see Trump’s point. Toddlers shouldn’t be exposed to more languages than he knows. I’m not sure he has a handle on the one, for certain. Anyway, Don has no sympathy for short brown people. It could be his motto, or one of his golf course rules. The Aryans don’t feel comfortable around most types with clubs. A two-iron can open up a hell of a crack in a human skull. Take a look at this scar above my √”

Orv gets twitchy. “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Fake news, but if they were Mexican, or the sort, they likely had it coming.”

“Geez, Orv. There’s steam coming off your face. It’s not attractive. Where do you get your news? There’s no reading going on in this light.”

Orv waves his old arm. “From Ed. He’s sitting over there. You can’t see him unless he lights a heater. His Old Spice, mixed with BO, will drop a guy to his knees. He’s very knowledgeable. Ed used to lay bricks, when he could lift things.”

“Ed, huh?”

The bartender butts in. “Now President Trump is saying that everything he said said yesterday in Helsinki, was the opposite of what he actually meant.”

“Of course. The old switcheroo,” sneers Stan. “I should have seen that one coming. I’ve had the old switcheroo pulled on me so many times I was starting to feel stupid. I’ve wasted so much time and money before the switcheroo kicked in.

“This Trumpoodle lie don’t hunt, though, on account of the cameras I was telling you about, Orv. He’s still a traitor, and a poor dinner companion. Butter hogger. You know the type.

“So, Orv, if a traitor put one of you kids in a cage, when they were young, what would have been your measured response? Quick death? Slow death?”

“No one would have dared. And you’re the liar, you stupid Commie.”

“Quick death it is, then, comrade. You own a lot of dirt, Orv. And a bunch of delicious critters, some of them in kid cages. How do you feel about the traitor’s tariffs? Are you hysterical about them, like our congressman says?”

“Tariffs? What tariffs?”

“On stuff like soybeans, pork, steel, aluminum and a thousand other items,” explains Stan. “Evidently, and keep in mind that this is the sophisticated trade expert thinking of the traitor, we’ve been getting screwed by most everyone, including Canada. Anyone familiar with the Trumpanzee would automatically know this is nonsense, but the trade war is on.”

“Canada? Colder America? I don’t believe it. And I don’t care. I’m rich, and the government still direct deposits money into my account. I’m set.”

“And when you die, you’ll already be embalmed. Well, thank you, Orv. It’s good to know how the mind of a Trump cultist works.

“This reminds me of a story. Years ago, a niece and I were riding in the back of a car on heading west on main in Bismarck. She was as spitting mad as a 3-year-old could be over something. We drove onto the bridge, and I said, ‘Look! Look! It’s the big Missouri River.’ She shouted, ‘No it isn’t.’ This went back and forth until we were in Mandan. But the river was there, so I should have won something. She remained irate. And we never put her in a cage,”

“Stupid story, you pinko.”

Well, it’s lunchtime. I’m going to jump blindly into the sunlight and hope my retinas can block a seizure. At least nibble on a lime wedge, Orv. Even mole people need sustenance.”

“Screw you, Stan. I hope you flop around on the sidewalk like a mackerel.”

“Never change, Orv.”

RON SCHALOW: Continued Kid Cruelty, Cowardice And The Kook

“All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness.” ― Tennessee Williams

Children are still in cages, kennels, internment camps, or otherwise incarcerated. The tragedy is not over. The horrific news keeps coming. It’s still wrong. It’s still barbaric. It’s still cruel.

Where are the kids belonging to the adults? In many cases, the parents, and our government, have no clue.

Under a wing-it kind of dishonest guy like Trump, the cruelty he purposely inflicted on these needy humans, will linger — indefinitely for some — because there never was a plan by the racist to return the little people to their big people. Vain brain knows how to do the cruel part but not much else.

Toddlers are standing before immigration judges. Seriously. Is that humane or logical?

And Trump staffers are so totally incompetent they don’t even know how many kidnapped children they have in custody. Two thousand? No, no, now they feel there might be closer to three. Thousand, yes.

These tykes will be traumatized for life. Ask Lance romance if he cares.

This administration is even deporting veterans, current servicemen and legal green card holders with decades of roots. Why?

A thousand years will pass, and the ancestors of those abused will still be cursing the United States and Donald Trump.

For the benefit of people who don’t know, seeking asylum is a right. It’s not against the law. The right is codified in domestic and international law. Previous administrations have not prosecuted those seeking asylum, and asylum seekers don’t have to go a checkpoint. They can ask a border patrol agent, whenever they cross paths. That’s the law, and Trump has broken it.

Our entire history is teeming with refugees and asylum seekers. It’s part of our deal. A chunk of American values. As a country, we’ve tried to show mercy to strangers in search of a better life, although we haven’t been entirely successful. Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses and so forth. Asylum isn’t just for chess players — and Russian ballet dancers.

And, even a 200-foot wall won’t stop people from seeking asylum, if that’s part of the reasoning behind building the hapless barrier. The oppressed will simply go to the checkpoints.

Normally, Republicans would be shouting, “Nyah, nyah, we told you. The government can’t do anything right, amirite?” Maybe they think that the old Little Dutchman handled this one just right. Or they are afraid to step out of line.

Well, I did my due diligence on Donnie a long time ago. It turned out that the great white wad has been a nasty cruel cretin, as far back as media started caring about the rampant narcissist’s “best” words, about 50 years ago. Nothing about his behavior is a secret. He’s always been a publicity hunting New York City trust fund @$$hole.

Trump publicly humiliated his wives. He refused to pay contractors for their work, forcing some out of business. He belittled people. He mocked a disabled person, for crissakes. And taunted a dying war hero. And joked about a recently widowed former president.

Devoid of a conscience, 45 doesn’t suffer from the emotion of shame, or have a hair’s worth of empathy. Sociopath is the common term. He doesn’t have an inner voice, or do any self-examination. Our president is simply a gratuitously cruel person. He’s a dick and doesn’t even know it.

So, now, we have a cruel man in charge, with cowardly quiet fans who rationalize the cruelty, by citing memes, obtusely lying or merely going mute. It’s quite sad.

Then, there is the kook. Defending chain-link fencing for kids, or cages, is only something that could come from the brain of a shameless spinner like Congressman Kevin Cramer.

Only the self-labeled “very influential” Rob Port thought that comparing cages to ballparks was reasonable, but he isn’t too bright.

Nobody else was jumping on Kevin’s chain-link bandwagon. Is the poor deluded oil shill is ready for the Senate? Cramer is an over-his-head backbencher, ranked 145 of House Republicans, in the category of effectiveness. Sounds like a winner.

But whataboutobama? Kids in cages, yes. Under different circumstances, but it’s easy to find what happened during Obama’s time. Obama is not cruel man.

And yes, we (the government acting on the behalf of the citizens) have plenty of cruelty in our past. We’ve enslaved humans and attempted to make the original people extinct. But we’re talking about right now in time.

These poor people didn’t come all of this way because they heard the president was tossing out free paper towels. They are literally running for their lives.

By this time, I figured that DT had been cruel enough to get a tongue lashing from at least a few North Dakota GOP lawmakers. All I saw was one lame meme trying to justify the cruelty.

Yes, I’m writing the word cruelty quite often on purpose.

Then, one legislative candidate took issue with my “The Congressman With the Chain-Link Head” column, and figured he would set me straight. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, here is our email exchange, from June 22-26, with no editing. He’s a pastor and wants to make North Dakota District # conservative again. Yes, again. I’ll refer to him as Conservative Candidate X.

I don’t claim this man speaks for the entire North Dakota Republican Party, but how would anyone know? If someone can point me to a letter to the editor or a Facebook post that I’ve missed, please do.

The original email

Ron Schalow: The Congressman With the Chain Link Head

Some pundits have suggested that this shameful episode is Trump’s Katrina. No. 4,600 Americans have died in the decimation of Puerto Rico by hurricane Maria because the jackass chose to limit the government response. They got a small fraction of the resources dedicated to Texas for recovery from hurricane Harvey. All on DT’s watch.

Caging children is in a despicable category of its own. Some of these kids will never see their parents again. They’ll be scarred for life. The parents will live this nightmare, over and over. That’s fine with the Trump cult, including sycophant prince Kevin Cramer.

King nitwit and his administration have offered over a dozen reasons why these kids were being shipped here and there, without their parents. They blamed everyone but the racist in chief, the dumb one, when Eric isn’t present. They lied and lied. Then lied some more.

And Kevin Cramer parroted the horseshit, because he has staked his entire political future on the sex offending blowhard, who has no clue on how to do his job. So, Kev has morphed into the silhouette of the bloated Bronx dung beetle. Cramer knowingly told the same lies as the pompous pork loin and then made up some baloney of his own.

RON SCHALOW: The Congressman With The Chain-Link Head

Conservative Candidate X.

Hi Ron:

I heard that the pictures of the children in cages were from 2014, is that true?

thanks

Xxxxx

Me

xxxx —

Our history is not one of kindness. I don’t think that excuses the current cruelty. I can send you recent pictures of children in cages, if you would like. Do you approve of this policy?

Thanks … ron

Conservative Candidate X.

No, not at all. But it is just that the facts get distorted when you send emails like this. He has changed it.

He needed 60 percent to do it by Congress and the Democrats held it up. It originated with Bill Clinton.

I don’t think there are many — if any — kids that are more than temporarily away from their parents. I would like to see an original source that states that a child is taken permanently other than from a parent who is a serious criminal.

For that, we do that in America in our prison system. If you rob a bank, murder or rape, etc, you go to jail and your kids don’t come with you.

I just am curious at why the venom when it looks as though Trump is the good guy in this situation when all the facts are in

xxxx

Me

It was policy he made, and he could have made a call to fix it. There was no law held up by the Democrats. He lied.

They don’t even have a plan to reunite the kids with family. They’re spread over 15 states. Some will never see their parents again.

When a bank robber is jailed, we don’t put his kids in a cage. Kevin Cramer didn’t like the bad press, so he comes up with a wild chain link fence story.

All of the facts are in, and Trump is not the hero. He started the whole thing. Every religion in the country has spoken against his actions, including the Pope, as have responsible Republicans. I’m quite aware of the facts, thanks. … I’m sad that the NDGOP has been hijacked by this huckster.

Cruel deserves venom, as do the constant lies. It’s all documented, videotaped, or recorded.

You should write an LTE to the Forum. They would print it in all of their N.D. papers. And send a copy to the Minot Daily, Bismarck and Williston. Put the facts, as you know, out there. Tell Oley to do the same. No one else in the party has spoken up in any way … ron

Conservative Candidate X.

Are you saying that the photo was not from 2014?

Me

In 2014, a large group of unaccompanied minors crossed the border and were detained like you saw, for a short period, if that’s the only photo you saw. Cramer took offenses to cages being called cages, in the present tense, which is the topic. 2014 has nothing to do with Trump’s policy of family separation, but many people seem to be fixated on four years ago, to rationalize the current current cruelty and incompetence.

Conservative Candidate X.

OK, I am interested in reading his policy. Do you have a copy of that? How is it different

Me

It is simply a zero tolerance policy that no other president considered humane. There are thousands of stories on the Internet explaining it. The actual wording may be on the White House website. People are fleeing a burning building and believed the U.S. was welcoming to the persecuted, and their children. Good luck.

Conservative Candidate X.

Found some …

“According to the Department of Homeland Security, the Flores agreement allows the agency to detain unaccompanied minors for only “20 days before releasing them to the Department of Health and Human Services, which places the minors in foster or shelter situations until they locate a sponsor.”

But in a controversial decision, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit, the most liberal in the country, has interpreted the settlement agreement to apply to “both minors who are accompanied and unaccompanied by their parents.”

In other words, it is the 9th Circuit’s misinterpretation of the Clinton administration’s settlement agreement that doesn’t allow juvenile aliens to stay with their parents who have been detained for unlawful entry into the country.

Of course, if those parents would simply agree to return to their home countries, they would be immediately reunited with their children. So those who come here illegally are themselves to blame for their children being assigned to foster care or to another family member or sponsor who may be in the country.

The executive order signed by President Donald Trump directs the attorney general to file a request with the federal court in the Flores case to modify the settlement agreement to allow the government “to detain alien families together throughout the pendency of criminal proceedings for improper entry or any removal or other immigration proceedings.”

Me

They are arresting them, whether they agree to turn around or not. Then DT revoked his own order, but they still don’t know where they sent all of the kids. You can agree with his former policy, if you wish. I’m sure not expecting to change the mind of any Republicans, but I won’t stop writing about this incompetent man. Even George Will, and a bevy of others, have jumped this ship.

Conservative Candidate X

Yes, I agree if that is true.  I am not sure you are considering the context. With all due respect, your (sic) losing some credibility.  We have a serious problem with criminals bringing children across the border. It is not true that they don’t know where they are at. That is distorted. The fact is parents of these kids are not showing up, to the tune of 80 percent, for court after breaking the law.  A law promotes by the last four presidents.  Now the media is reporting them as missing. Again, a distorted lie.

Me

If you cannot see the difference in the Trump policy, I’m sorry. And I’m not sure why you’re defending it, but if that’s your opinion, you’re free to have it. Also, I’m not sure of your sourcing, but I see multiple reputable sources reporting the same thing, and confusion in the White House.

It is not true that major media papers and stations like CNN are just making stuff up. It’s saddening to know how many people believe Trump lies.

Google this: “no plan to reunite immigration kids with parents” Trump has told more than 3,000 verifiable false lies, since inauguration. I not worried about me credibility.

“You could easily end up in a situation where the gap between a parent’s deportation and a child’s deportation is years,” said former Acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director John Sandweg.

Previously, when federal agents separated children from their parents it was usually because they believed the children’s welfare was in danger.

Sandweg told NBC News earlier this week that some separations of migrant kids and parents may be permanent.” — NBC

Conservative Candidate X.

OK, for discussion sake, I will believe what you are saying, then ask, “is this the first time kids have been separated.” That doesn’t make it OK, but it gives context.

Me

No, it’s not, but not on a wholesale level. If a parent is carrying drugs, or obviously not fit, children have rightly been removed. But, you could have found this out, easily.

Trump is driven by a base, that wants neither legal, nor illegal, immigration. Fifty-five percent of Republicans weren’t bothered by the crying of infants and toddlers.

Conservative Candidate X.

Me

It says unavailable.

Conservative Candidate X.

So far, 83 percent of the children were not even with a parent.  Will be good to find out how many of the others were with a trafficker or a parent who committed a crime

Me

You are trying to rationalize this cruel behavior. Why don’t you, or the other two, make your views public on Facebook, and let voters know how you feel? My views are public.

From the AP: The AP acquired internal Department of Homeland Security data on the program, covering the period of April 19 to May 31. Over that time span, 1,995 children were taken from their migrant parents at the border. That’s an average of roughly 48 kids separated from their families per day, often sent into foster homes or held in detention centers.

Conservative Candidate X.

Quite public. I am simply pointing out how you are being misled. I have no problem criticizing Trump when I am convinced by truth. But taking things out of context, exaggerating,  and attacking the person with generalities gets nowhere, and loses credibility with me. How about debating an actual policy or principle, … you strike me as a smart person, so that could go somewhere

Me

Being misled by who? Calling chain link not a fence, is pretty specific. And, I’ve already been there, thanks. Still waiting for your statement on FB.

Conservative Candidate X.

Funny that you don’t even know where I stand yet. If you read an earlier response I gave you June 23, I said I agree with you if what you are presenting is actually true.

Not sure that is such an earthquake, but if it would make you feel better, I could post that on FB.

I have asked good probing questions of you and mostly get trump bashing.

You haven’t explained that, over 80 percent of the children were not separated by the US border patrol.

Nor have you been able to dispute that the Flores Act actually created a mass human trafficking problem on our border.

This is what conservatives call “context.”

You have made the Border Patrol out to be a bunch of child-hating, abusive people. Talk about exaggeration. Totally misleading.

Not sure that will floor anyone that, being openly conservative, would put that out.

But look for it today.

Me

The percent isn’t the issue. Twenty-three hundred have been separated. I have made no claims about the Border Patrol. This is all on Trump. I await your public opinion. Other than Cramer, no R has made a peep about this cruel policy.

These things you call context were dealt with humanely by previous administrations. And Trump is willing to send asylum seekers back to their deaths, including the kids. Good politics in N.D.

Trump is responsible for things he says and does. I am free to disagree, as do most Americans. You should ask some good probing questions of yourself.

Conservative Candidate X.

Funny. I just did put out my statement on FB.

Conservative Candidate X.

I will give you this, you are a good spinner. Do you live in minot? We should just meet face to face somewhere

Conservative Candidate X.

Another point.  If 80 percent means nothing to you, it is even more sad you have made NO mention of disgust toward the Mexican government.

There should be two walls, one on our CD side and one on theirs. That would guarantee this problem solved.

Immigrants would actually come through the gates, be vetted and then welcomed as it should be. What a concept?

Me

We’ll just let innocent people die in their home countries. And they are vetted. Maybe we should vet everyone who is already here. I know some Norwegians that are up to no good.

The ones who have come through gates have been arrested, during Trump’s policy.

BTW: Most undocumented people are here because they overstayed their visa. And most are Canadian, but that’s OK. Many more than survive the trip to the southern border save their families.

I don’t see your statement. Did you make it public on your political page? I used to live in Minot, when the Republicans weren’t in a race to see who is more conservative. Like Andy Maragos, who I used to do business with.

All of these kids you’re worried about were caught. By the agents, without an impractical wall. They are already seizing land from private citizens.

Me

Nothing here: https://www.facebook.com/ndgopx/

— End of email string —

But, Conservative Candidate X did make his opinion known on his personal Facebook page June 26. Nothing since, so I guess the search for context is still on.

“I have asked probing questions, aimed at finding a context of facts on the border issues and children of illegal immigrants. I mostly get trump bashing.

Haven’t heard it explained that, over 80 percent of the children were not separated by the U.S. Border Patrol.

Nor has someone been able to dispute that the Flores Act actually created a mass human trafficking problem on our border.

So, what really are the facts? My position is, “know the context.” If Trump did something wrong, we should call him out.” But …

Using this as an opportunity to just bash him and exaggerate the actions of our border police is sad.

I am still waiting for some solid context before jumping to conclusions.

So far, this points to a need for a wall.” — Conservative Candidate X.

 

RON SCHALOW: Fargo Heat Strokes, Lies And Videotape

Prior to President Trump’s visit to Fargo, I took a shot at guessing what he might say at the rally for Kevin Cramer, who got three minutes of mic time and an awkward bro hug.

My predictions; followed by the real deals.

  • “Heidi? Where’s Heidi. What the hell are we doing here, if she doesn’t even show up! Who?”
  • “Isn’t that Cramer guy a hoot? Nice guy. The way he barges into that Jew’s apartment. I never let black people into my apartments, either. And that steel fence thing he cooked up. Wasn’t that smart to compare the kid cages to the steel fence at ballparks? He’s read the Bible, I’ve been told, by him. Isn’t that Cramer guy a hoot?”
  • “Well, that’s all I can say about Gramer. He’ll do what I tell him. That’s all you need to know.”
  • “Hey, there’s my black guy. See him. Amazing.”
  • “I sting like a butterfly and cry like Eugene. What a loser. Imogen is a type of classy flower. Or, a vegetable. Most people don’t know that.”
  • “Ooooh, so Sparkie is such a big deal, but I’ve slept with hotter porn stars than you, Sparkle, so just shut your trap, or I’ll tax you to Mexico. Those people speak Spanish. A lot of people think it’s Mexican. Rapists.”
  • “Those hats are made in China, Nebraska. Shirts, too. Tremendous deal. They farm something over there, too. They’re great patriots, offering to take a few years of pain.”
  • “Trade wars aren’t as easy to chew, as many people think. We’re getting schlonged, according to Hannity. Nice guy. Sometimes, he reads to me at bed time.”
  • “Ivanka would never wear a stupid-looking wordy jacket. I don’t even think Mel reads American. Somebody should ask her. She might be a Democrat. Sad. I was Democrat when little Bush was president. He was the worst. Low energy.”
  • “I don’t see why people think I’m a moron. Mitt’s one, I think. Great guy. Gawd, those people procreate like crazy, don’t they. One big sand trap. I’m totally happy with two children. Before 30, all they did was cry and bitch. Amirite?”
  • “Who knew that throwing little criminal rapist brats in cages would be so complicated? The Democrats want to send out hand-engraved invitations to all of the world’s worst crime guys, and just roll out the red carpet, and serve them beautiful pieces of chocolate cake. Probably some of the most delicious cake ever, in the history of ever. Nancy Pelosi. Loser.”
  • “Blacks haven’t had so much work since slavery. I’m very proud of that. Fantastic, isn’t it? Huge. Schumer hates black people.”
  • “We’ve just about wiped out crime, like I promised. Unless some other gangs, besides MS-13, pop up. They aren’t classy like that Tony Bonanzoo hoodlum.”

“This is a decent-looking crowd. There are even a few fives. I only date 10s, but two 5s don’t make a 10. I have to leave, anyway. There was a seven once in Toledo. Sarah Palin has lost few digits, which is sad. Does she still live in Russia?”

  • “They play hockey in this place? What for?”
  • “This guy down front here looks too red. Somebody poke him. Alive. That good. He’s a wonderful person. Tough on crime and border. This isn’t global warming. They have a lot of trees in Brazil. Bada bing bing bing.”
  • “I made a great great deal, today. The families, the potential MS-13 members, all of the crying, for crissakes — we’re going to put everyone up at the wonderful hotels in Cozumel, with free room service. It’s wonderful there, have you been? The private shelter contractors are killing me. I called around, and it’s much cheaper going the resort route. I kid you not.”
  • “Don’t come crying to me, Justin, when the eskimos attack. My space cops aren’t interested in beaver pelts. And I’m better looking and taller than the black one. The Canadian is short and ugly. Right, patriots?”

* * *

Some of the Actual Trump Quotes From the Fargo Rally

“This place is packed,” Trump said as he stepped onto the podium. “You know, we had the chance for a 24,000-seat arena, and we should have taken it. The problem is, if we had two empty seats, they will always say, ‘He didn’t fill up the arena.’”

Stupid media. That’s exactly what they would write.

“Maxine — she’s a beauty,” Trump said. “I mean, she practically was telling people the other day to assault! Can you imagine if I said the things she said?

He has, and I can imagine.

“We need Kevin Cramer to replace liberal Democrat Heidi Heitkamp in the Senate,”

Heitkamp isn’t within a mile of being liberal.

“When Heidi ran for office she promised to be an independent vote for people of North Dakota. Instead, she went to Washington and immediately joined Chuck, you know who Chuck is, and Nancy, and now they have a new leader.

That’s not true.

“Democrats want judges who will rewrite the Constitution anyway,” Trump said. “They want to do it and take away your Second Amendment, erase your borders, throw open the jailhouse doors and destroy your freedoms.”

None of that is true.

“You need a senator who doesn’t just talk like they’re from North Dakota, but votes like they’re from North Dakota. That’s what you need, and that’s Kevin Cramer,” Trump said.

I don’t think we do.

“He felt confident in me to make the right choice and carry on his great legacy, that’s why he did it,”

I think he’s just old and tired.

“We will make America loving again, Loving. Loving.”

You first.

“Because space is the new frontier,”

It has been a new frontier for a long time.

“We’re not starting a trade war, but we’ll finish it”

Nope, you started it.

“You need a senator who doesn’t just talk like they’re from North Dakota, but votes like they’re from North Dakota,” said Trump, who added of Cramer: “He loves you, I will tell you that. He loves this state, loves the people. And we need Kevin Cramer to replace liberal Democrat Heidi Heitkamp.”

He doesn’t love gay people. I doubt if he loves me, and I’m OK with that.

“I want to make a plea to my Democrat friends. Please, please, please don’t remove Nancy Pelosi. And please keep Maxine Waters on the air as your face and your mouthpiece,”

He doesn’t have any Democratic friends.

“The era of global freeloading and taking advantage of the United States is over.”

If you say so.

“Heidi voted no on our massive tax cuts for North Dakota families. She voted no,” President Trump stated. “Not one Democrat voted to cut your taxes and the other day Nancy Pelosi said we have to raise your taxes. What’s that all about? She wants to raise your taxes.”

The tax scam; borrowing money to redistribute to the rich.

“We love the countries of the European Union.”

Do we?

“But the European Union was set up to take advantage of the United States, to attack our piggy bank.”

False.

“We had a trade deficit because they send the Mercedes in, they send the BMWs in, they send their products in, we send things to them and they say, ‘no thank you, we don’t take your product’.

False.

“I said to them, if you treat us that way and you don’t take down your barriers, if you’re not going to treat us fairly then we are going to tax all those beautiful Mercedes Benzes.”

They are beautiful.

“Sometimes our worst enemies are our so-called friends”

The feeling is mutual, I’ve read.

“Republicans want strong borders and no crime. Democrats want open borders and from there, crime, crime, crime happens.”

Not what democrats want on this planet.

“We’re already building the wall and it’s a beautiful thing.”

It’s about 4 feet long.

“Thanks to Republican leadership America is winning again, and America is being respected again all over the world,”

That’s not true.

“He puts a straw in the ground and oil comes out.”

Trump likes billionaire Harold Hamm, an oil baron.

“Great pillows. I actually use them, believe it or not.”

My Pillow brand. I don’t believe Trump uses a normal pillow.

“Maxine Waters is their new leader.”

No. She isn’t. She is a liberal, African-American woman, though.

“Another person campaigned for eight years. ‘Repeal and replace.’ And we were a little surprised when the thumb went down.”

Still kicking John McCain, when he is dying.

“We are coming out with so many health care plans. It is so much better than anything you’ve ever seen before.”

He claimed to have plan, the greatest plan, many months ago, so I doubt it.

“If crooked Hillary would have won this election, and if she came here, which is about a 0 percent chance, after the election she’d have 200 people in a conference room in a small hotel.”

False.

“Because, frankly, they find this more exciting than the NFL and a hell of a lot more dangerous, right?”

Huh?

“And I wish those cameras would circle the room to see how many thousands of people are here because, you know, on the screen I look — and all you see are those few beautiful, wonderful people — I don’t know who the hell I — but you’ve got a nice group over there. I know you have Mike and some others. They’re going to be so famous.”

Stupid cameramen. Won’t do what Trump says.

“I said to my people, ‘How many people are here?’ They said, ‘Six thousand in the arena, but we’re going to be — have to, unfortunately, walk 15,000 or 18,000 people that couldn’t get in.'”

There weren’t 15,000 or 18,000 people that couldn’t get in.

“The late, great, Cecil B. DeMille would not have set it up this way, I will tell you.”

Probably not, but he did movies.

“Everybody comes in, including the vile gang, MS-13, which Nancy Pelosi has gone out and wants to protect, OK?”

She doesn’t want to protect MS-13.

“Do you see what they do? Bing, bing. Right? You see what they’re doing? No, but do you see what they’re doing?”

Huh?

“I have wealthy friends, like Harold Hamm.”

We’re happy for you.

“But the Heritage Foundation came out with a report, and this was as of two months ago. We’ve already implemented 64 percent of our top agenda items.”

That’s not what they said

“They never take those cameras off my face. Look at all the women.”

Yes, we have those.

“I said, ‘Oh, I am so smart. I am the smartest person.’ My uncle was a great professor at MIT for 40 years. Can you believe? Forty years. I said, ‘But I’m smarter than him. I’m smarter than anybody.'”

I don’t think so.

“Oy, when do they get over it? But, you know, it is pretty amazing. Point after point, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. Oh, she’s OK.”

Clinton has not been found guilty for anything.

“Michigan’s very happy with your president.”

Not many of them.

“Politics is a mean game, isn’t it? It’s a mean — it’s a fleeting game. Six months ago, Republicans passed the biggest tax cuts and reform in American history.”

Yes, fleetingly mean.

“My daughter and my wife, Melania, they love — they love the women. And the women love them. The women love them. And the men love them.”

I would imagine so.

“You know, I was dealt a lot of bad hands.”

He’s had a tough life.

“The fake news was so upset when I said we had a good relationship. We had a good chemistry.”

Kim Jong-un makes a great play date.

“But when people rush it -— you know, it’s like rushing the turkey out of the stove. It’s not going to be as good. The women can tell me, and some of the men. See, today I have to be politically correct. See, in the old days …”

I see.

“And I’ve directed the Pentagon to begin the process of creating a sixth branch of the United States Armed Forces, called the Space Force. The Space Force.”

Whoo hoo!

“Let them send a rocket up to Mars. Let’s be the first. I hope they go fast. Let’s help them. Let’s make it really good for them. And if they do it, we’re going to claim it on behalf of the United States, OK? We’ll give them no credit. Let them spend the money.”

The Mars rover is pretty famous.

“And by the way, our people, they call it the base, they used to say it’s 35. Then they said it’s 40. Then they said it’s 42. Then they have these polls go — we’re driving them crazy. Now they say it’s over 50 percent.”

It’s not.

“They’ve been stone-cold losers, the elite. The elite.”

OK.

Bonus Trump

“First of all they are great patriots, just hang in there a little while we are doing the tariffs, They’re negotiating with us. If you look at Canada, they shut you out and you see what’s happening. You look at the European union you can’t bring your product in there it’s very hard to and they tax you and they bury you. You know they put these nonmonetary barriers up and they are ridiculous. Hang in. We are going to open up the markets like you’ve never seen before. Don’t forget farmers have been flat lining and even going down over 15 years we’re going to get it so they go up. That’s what I want. They have to hang in with me just for a little while. I’ve been very successful at doing this stuff.” — KVLY Fargo

RON SCHALOW: The Land With Two Brains

If Donald Trump had walked into a Minot working man’s bar before he became a fancy pants, popular stream of consciousness screamer, he would have ended up in the dumpster, with appropriate discoloration, in under 30 minutes.

No self-respecting patron of the bar arts in the Magic City, would suffer a loudmouth, self-aggrandizing, lying dick for very long. Experienced drinkers develop a razor sharp sense of bullshit detection. It’s a survival mechanism evolved over many happy hours.

“I am the smartest, ever, in the history of time.” “I have more money and a nicer apartment than you.” “I get to walk into girls dressing rooms.” “Barack Obama wiretapped me.” Blah, blah, blah.

OK, that’s it! Outside, smarmy!

Even a rookie drinker, just starting his questionable career, could have made Chip “hell no, he didn’t go” McDuck for what he is pretty easily, though. Rook probably would have pulled out Chucky’s two hairs, or as many curls Donnie had at the time, just for kicks, before dropping DT in the garbage box.

Dapper Donnie could have put on any costume and declared a nonlazy type of employment. It wouldn’t have mattered. When someone has never worked on anything long enough to muster up a blister, or staged war with a rusted out lug nut, in 20 below weather, they waft off a scent of privileged asshole.

Has “The Donald” ever switched out a carburetor, shoveled a driveway or painted a house? I’m doubtful. Has he ever made sandwich or washed a dish?

Many of the affluent are quite nice. But DT has always been exactly like the stuffy young — rich from daddy — men, who tried to dampen John Belushi’s lifestyle by taking his Delta house away. Bluto wasn’t too bright, but he knew who was what. Alcohol and instinct.

But something changed in Minot. Or not.

A big majority of Minoters — and North Dakotans — voted for the slick, tough talking, adulterous New York buffoon, who began his campaign by telling people that Barack Obama was really born in Kenya. He started with a racist lie.

Little Marco, Mrs. Cruz and Carly Fiorina are ugly, other misogynist garbage and the incessant shouting and bullying. Oh, and Ted Sr. was involved in the JFK assassination. Vomit like that got cheesehead the nomination.

DT never had any relationship with the truth. It’s past the point of being a pathological liar. He has a cortisol and testosterone imbalance that would make Charles Ponzi blush, and Charlie had naturally red cheeks. Trump is in a category of his own, lying wiseguy wise, but he is still in the good graces of 90 percent of Republicans.

Though, there are less Republicans now, as many snap out of their fugue state and jump ship.

We also lost a few Republicans who were on the island when Puerto Rico got wiped out by wind and water. Trump’s government decided that it wasn’t worth taking the time to look for people wo\ho might have been unwell, needed meds or electricity to survive the aftermath. Well, we know why that was, simply by looking at the latest Sherwin-Williams color chart.

We’ve talked about 9/11 ever since the day everything happened on another incompetent president’s list of things to do. Almost 17 years.

Forty-six hundred Americans perished on Puerto Rico on sleepy eye’s watch, but its been largely forgotten, and that’s wrong. I really don’t care if Sarah Huckabee Sanders has to make her own food at home, what Melania’s jacket read or about Kevin Cramer’s warped bigoted idea of North Dakota values.

The Tale of Two Cerebral Hemispheres

The gray matter is different in liberal brains than conservative ones. Of course, there is a whole spectrum of thought, but I’m proud to own an organ on the left side. There are people way to the left of me, and I can’t even see Kevin Cramer — on the other side — who has whored himself out to Trump, and I find their relationship offensive. I’m happy with my slot.

Many studies have been done, so the brain thing is nothing new.

In short; conservatives are more fearful, have a higher level of anxiety, prefer to avoid change and are able to justify inequality among groups and individuals. Their right amygdalas are larger. What are you going to do? Immigrants or foreigners make this brain sector light up like Trump on kid-caging day. Stupid crying short people.

Liberals, very simply put, are the opposite.

Of course, some people voted for the malignant narcissist, hoping for a financial reward in the form of a tax cut. The wealthiest did win that one. Bigly.

Some wanted the United States to declare Jerusalem as the capital city of Israel, to lube the way for the rapture, or so I’ve read. Well, I want the North Dakota capital moved to Hillsboro, N.D., so that the western legislators can have more time to think about what they have done, while they’re driving back to Tioga, N.D.

Mostly, members of the Trumpire fear the millions of brown people that Donnie has claimed are coming — he lies — and want the place hermetically sealed, yesterday. More foreigners -— I’m looking at you, you conniving shoe-smuggling Canadians — overstay their Visas than ever successfully walk across our southern border. But the meat on that bone isn’t red enough to get the gullibles wound up. Nobody cares if you walk in from Moose Jaw, Sask.

And, that’s precisely what Trump will be doing in Fargo on Wednesday. Winding up the gullibles. There will be a white fluorescent glow coming from Scheels Arena, just before sun comes up  Wednesday, as the line begins or continues to form.

Then, there’s this issue, which defies explanation. And there are millions who refuse to believe documented facts. Facts are facts. They aren’t debateable.

From ABC.

(Jonathan) KARL: “He (Trump) says things that are not true all the time.”

(Steve) BANNON: “I don’t believe that.”

KARL: “Come on.”

BANNON: “I think he speaks in a particular vernacular that connects to people in this country.”

It’s the shameless false information vernacular. There’s more than brain voodoo going on here. This is a lead-plated helmet and full-metal jacket situation. NOTHING is getting through the outer shell, and there is no point in trying. Very troublesome. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him use a straw. It’s the same dynamic.

Even the softcore Trump fan actually believes that the national media gets together at the IHOB and makes stuff up to make the president look bad. As if making Trump look stupid required any effort.

The gullibles, who probably make up the usual 30 percent, believe everything he says, but they don’t really care — or aren’t interested in the truth — anyway. They can forgive most anything, being Christian, and all.

Some Trumpers, not too far gone, may come back from the edge on their own after they realize what they’ve created. The lightbulb only comes on for a few of the more sentient ones with nominal self-awareness.

The racially hateful voters who are sure that Trump is speaking directly to them think this country is swarming with too many brown people as it is, including the Native Americans.

Those self-named patriots are more of a danger to Americans than any immigrant. They are the white supremacists, the white nationalists and their brethren carrying backyard ambiance tiki torches, even in this magical age of flashlights. You don’t want any of these characters infesting your neighborhood.

The alt-right was at the chanting party in Charlottesville, Va., too, including those insufferable incels. Good luck with that white ethno-state, with obedient females, fellas. Dig those bunkers deep, and stock up on ammo for the impending race war, nuclear fallout or just for fun.

Give the fearful ones, just a few chores, if they’re game. The information can easily be found that would show most average people what a putrid character Donald Trump has always been. Probably not the gullibles, though.

On YouTube, search “Trump interview Howard Stern.”

On YouTube, search “Trump interview.”

On YouTube, search “Trump documentary.”

On Google; search “Trump history.”

No time limit.

RON SCHALOW: The Congressman With The Chain-Link Head

When I was a youngster, chain-link fencing started to pop up on a few yards on south hill in Minot. I remember thinking, “Gosh, I hope no kids get trapped in there.” Then I saw the gate. They all had gates. What a relief. Easy egress. These were a noncage fences.

Now, when I was at the zoo in Roosevelt Park, I was happy that most of the animals were behind bars and magical metal wires woven together like fine linen. These animals were in what I like to call cages. The critters weren’t free to leave — or make long-distance calls.

They were cool about it, except for one bonobo named Arnie, with a species bias that really got him going. He kneeled every time they played the national anthem, which was played every time there was a ballgame across the street at Corbett Field. He didn’t like humans, Minot or the cage. Arnie also called it a cage. Everybody did.

The chain-link fences were ugly, but lawns and dogs need confinement. I guess the wood picket fences weren’t doing the job. Or maybe they were trying to keep me out. I will be posthumously outraged.

Most parents in the day preferred free-range children versus the caged ones. Wandering age varied, but I remember lots of little people like me, relishing their freedom on the mean sidewalks of 1960s North Dakota. Most little dudes were pushed outside after the first step.

Toddlers were on a short leash — or kept in one of those compact mobile jails with 17 toys. Infants spent nights confined to a bed brig with wood bars and only a nominal chance of escape without the proper tools.

Full disclosure: I purchased chain-link fencing about 35 years ago, but I did not incarcerate man nor beast with the steel wire. I’m neither proud or ashamed. And I had no personal affection for the product, which will be going up in price due to Trump tariffs.

Now for the horror. The ongoing imprisonment of brown children is a national disgrace.

Some pundits have suggested that this shameful episode is Trump’s Katrina. No. 4,600 Americans have died in the decimation of Puerto Rico by Hurricane Maria because the jackass chose to limit the government response. Puerto Ricans got a small fraction of the resources dedicated to Texas for recovery from Hurricane Harvey. All on DT’s watch.

Caging children is in a despicable category of its own. Some of these kids will never see their parents again. They’ll be scarred for life. The parents will live this nightmare, over and over. That’s fine with the Trump cult, including sycophant prince Kevin Cramer.

King Nitwit and his administration have offered over a dozen reasons why these kids were being shipped here and there without their parents. They blamed everyone but the racist in chief, the dumb one when Eric isn’t present. They lied and lied. Then lied some more.

And Kevin Cramer parroted the horse shit because he has staked his entire political future on the sex offending blowhard, who has no clue on how to do his job. So, Kev has morphed into the silhouette of the bloated Bronx dung beetle. Cramer knowingly told the same lies as the pompous pork loin and then made up some baloney of his own.

Cramer doesn’t care about the human misery. He only cares about Trump. He is concerned about Trump more than the people of North Dakota.

Furthermore, Congressman Kevin Cramer is not a bright person, I say with no due respect. He makes it impossible not to write about his silly antics.

Oddly as it turns out, no one in the history of time has more fondness for the steel chain-link fence, than Kevin Cramer.

Fencing, and calling it a cage, because the little ones were locked in … Is that Cramer’s major takeaway from the cluster-eff the country is witnessing? Afraid so.

Does the cruelty register? Cries of beautiful dark-haired littles? Nope. Just the use of an accurate word, and the snowflake is offended.

I was surprised about something, though. Somebody is actually listening to Scott Hennen and Rob Port. Port doubles as the teddy bear that Kevin weeps into at night.

This nuttiness has gone national, but Cramer’s comments bear repeating. He also has a fundamental misunderstanding of chain-link fencing, and fences in general. He thinks, among other things, that calling the fencing “cages,” is overblown rhetoric. That was also worth repeating.

Keep in mind that this master of gibberish once said the following:

“But by the way, did you notice how poorly several of them were dressed as well? It is a syndrome. There is no question, there is a disease associated with the notion that a bunch of women would wear bad-looking white pantsuits in solidarity with Hillary Clinton to celebrate her loss. You cannot get that weird.”

Actually, some Democratic women wore white as a homage to suffragettes and as a silent protest against “Donald the misogynist” during the state of the union speech So, Cramer, also a sexist, got offended by women not getting locked away and uses words like disease, syndrome and weird.

White pantsuits drive him nuts, but putting children in cages is normal to the Trump toady. He just doesn’t like all of the “hoopla” surrounding the inhumane imprisonment of children. Now that’s weird. Sickening, actually.

And ballparks are not cages. I observed or played baseball in hundreds of ballparks. Not once was I prevented from leaving. Did Kevin have different experiences? Where was this? Kenya?

Fences can be used to keep people or critters out — or keep kids in. It doesn’t matter that you can see through the cage. You can see through prison bars, too. Good gawd, dude.

And 67 percent of Americans find the whole mess repulsive. Not just liberals, as a grown man with a smartphone, and a staff should have known. But lying is more fun.

The kids aren’t crying because of the type of fencing that keeps them interned. It’s the separation from parents. Calling their situation as being in a cage is totally accurate. Is that too complicated for a U.S. congressman to understand? Evidently.

The president will be in Fargo next week. Trump will talk about Cramer, and his thoughts on cages, for about 30 seconds, when the cocaine kicks in. And it will be too stupid for words.

Likewise, I’m not even going to try to argue with the bizarre thoughts that run through the mind of the Cramer mastermind. You can read his exact words below.

Then, he goes on KFGO on Thursday and repeats the same nonsense. Kev didn’t get a different result, though, so that’s a red flag. And yes, you can see through his head. For safety reasons.

From Talking Points Memo

Rep. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., pushed back hard on the idea that keeping border-crossing children in chain-link cages was inhumane, defending the practice in two local radio shows on Wednesday.

Cramer, who’s running against Sen. Heidi Heitkamp, D-N.D., in a top-tier Senate race, called the facilities “humane” during a Wednesday appearance on KFGO, a local radio station that broadcasts in the Bakken oil fields.

“By the way, chain-link fences are around playgrounds all over America, all over North Dakota. And chain link fences allow line-of-sight visual connectivity with children and families,” he said as he discussed reversing President Trump’s policy to let families stay together at the border.

“You know, there’s nothing inhumane about a chain-link fence. If it is, then every ballpark in America is inhumane.”

Cramer then went on to say he supported changing the law to allow families to stay together when they enter the country illegally and supported House Republicans’ dueling pieces of immigration legislation that are expected to receive a vote this week that would address this issue.

The comments came before Trump announced he’d reverse his recently implemented strategy of separating children and parents at the border with an executive order, reversing his previously held false position that only Congress could act to stop it.

Cramer doubled down on his comments when asked about them later in the day on WDAY, another local radio station, calling the focus on the cages “hoopla.”

“I think [chain-] linked fences is irrelevant to the crying of children. My commentary is on the chain-link fence,” he said when asked about the comments and whether he’d heard the audio of children wailing after being separated from their parents. “There’s all this hoopla because I think there are people on the left that clearly want the country to fail at this. And they would like the chain-link fence, they called it ‘dog cages.’ Well, chain-link fences have been used to protect children from predators on playgrounds, baseball diamonds, all sorts of sports courts and what-not. To me it’s not the chain-link fence, that’s not the issue. That’s a ruse by some on the left to try to create an image that’s far worse in description than it is in reality,” he said.

“The actual value of the chain-link fence is you could see through it, that’s the value of the chain link. If they put up a Sheetrock wall between the children and the workers, the people there to protect them, to me that would be far worse,” Cramer continued. “The chain-link fence, let’s not use that as some sort of a weapon. There’s a broader conversation about the separation of families in general, but as I’ve said before, that happens throughout the country many times. Kris (his wife) and I have been foster parents. We know all about the separation of children from their parents who do the illegal things, it happens in every city of the country every day.”

Senate Republicans initially had opposed having Cramer, a close ally of Trump’s, as their candidate for Senate precisely because of his penchant for controversial comments. After failing to find a better alternative, they circled back to him. Cramer initially said he wouldn’t run but changed his mind after Trump pushed him to jump into the race.

Cramer has since stirred up some controversies, including comments that Trump wasn’t campaigning as hard against Heitkamp as some other vulnerable Senate Democrats because “she’s a woman,” and sought and received an endorsement from a virulently anti-gay group that compares transgender people to pedophiles.

This is the latest instance of a remark that may generate some backlash. — Talking Points Memo

RON SCHALOW: Cramer’s Caging Of The Lambs & Silence Of The Trump Cult

That rumble of keystrokes you hear on horizon is the sound of every North Dakota GOP official pounding out a condemnation of President Trump’s new barbaric policy of taking children from their parents and securing the tykes in cages. You won’t see that use in the chain-link fence catalog.

Wait, nope. It’s just that stupid building climbing raccoon. Gawd. I already gave the big rat a ham sandwich. What now?

Actually the only noise coming from North Dakota Republicans is the faint tinkle of testosterone dripping off their bodies and the hush of calcium evaporating from the spine.

Or they agree with Trump’s evil policy and they’re too bashful, or to flaccid, to mention it.

I think I’ve “liked” the political Facebook page of every legislator in state. Some don’t have pages because they don’t know there is such thing. The rest of them are pretty quiet, although only a handful actually post anything with any regularity.

I don’t like to miss any of the personal videos. “They won’t tell you this in guvm’t schools, but grass creates as much oxygen as trees.” That isn’t close to true, but it’s good to know who we’re dealing with. That’s my excuse.

I’m surprised that Sen. Oley Larsen in Minot hasn’t laid the most obscure Bible verse in the book on us. The one that recommends parents hand their children over to strangers.

“Thouest the evil man stay evil lest he grabbest Lou’s second born.” —Doofusmoronity 11

The senator never really makes much sense. Larsen has claimed that he’ll offer a bill, in the next session, that would require teaching of the Bible in public schools. His Marshmallow rant is still on YouTube. It’s a hoot.

Oley is part of the trio in District 3, which claims to be most religious in the state. They failed this test, but these dudes campaign with real Dilly Bars, so they’re serious.

There are quite a few North Dakota politicians who can’t wait to mention their religiosity. Pat Finken, Kevin Cramer’s campaign manager, wrote in an op-ed that Kevin is deeply religious. Deep. His faith is so deep that Kev was able to find the forgiveness needed to absolve a window peeper. A sex criminal. Cramer took that stance on a radio show, and it needed a little spin.

Then, there is John Hoeven, who quotes us a slice of air:

“No one wants to see children separated from their parents. We must enforce the existing law, but we should do so in as humane a manner as possible.” — Sen. John Hoeven

But the deeply religious Cramer is all in with Trump on the child torture fun. It’s Democrats fault. It’s a lie, but Kevin doesn’t care. The New York dick rates higher than God. Cramer hasn’t a speck of morality. Trump has never been in a church on purpose and is an ethically bereft sociopath. Our POTUS is void of empathy.

“The issue of how to deal with the children of parents trying to come to this country illegally has rightly become a focus of our immigration debate. While we are a nation of laws, we must always show compassion in the enforcement of those laws, especially when dealing with children who are often innocent bystanders. Democrats must set aside their political ambitions and work with Republicans to fix our broken immigration system and secure our borders. Only then will we truly address the problem in a way that prevents separation of children from their families, respects the law of the land and protects the American people.” — Congressman Kevin Cramer

This isn’t part of a debate. It’s a hostage situation.

So, where is the compassion, congressman? You are complicit in this wicked abuse.

Political ambitions? You chose a vile, cruel, sadistic route to avoid annoying the orange spaceman.

Speak up Republicans:

“You could be creating thousands of immigrant orphans in the U.S. that one day could become eligible for citizenship when they are adopted,” John Sandweg (former ICE director) explained.

That scenario could be hard to swallow for immigration hardliners who argue against spending welfare dollars on immigrants and are opposed to a path to citizenship for children brought into the country illegally.

Sandweg says he has seen permanent separation happen when a parent is deported without his or her child.” — NBC

Ponder on that, Oley, and the North Dakota GOP.

RON SCHALOW: American Horror Circus Arrival Imminent

So,  the well endowed Mar-a-Lago mermaid is coming to Fargo to scare the immigrants. That’s just perfect. Personally, I can feel an orange gelatin evil in the Force. And I’m not even one of those little green dudes. I’m just happy to know that Mark Hamill has enough cash to get by.

Anyway, the Mar-a-Lago manatee will be in town to fete the rare accomplishments of the junior congressman of North Dakota, the benign blotch under Trump’s left boob and former sex shop window mannequin, Kevin Cramer. Just kidding! Trump will be at Scheels Arena to flap his KFC gravy injected lips about his favorite person. Himself.

And according to reports, Old Bone Spurs is going to tell the cultists about the many occasions he had intentionally wandered into the women’s dressing rooms and leered at naked females at the beauty pageants he owned. Teens included. Just kidding! It’s true, but I guess he’s going to verbally deliver a hagiography of his new best pal and Rob Port’s long lost twin, Kim Jong-un, and brag about their signing of a Denny’s breakfast menu.

Their beady eyes met, they ran to each other through a field of daffodils, and there was a lot of circular dancing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Polka, maybe. We get it. Oh, he’s so smart. He’s so funny. K was so handsome at the mixer. Is he going out with anyone? Oh my, he’s in a fraternity?

Just shut up about Poppin’ Fresh. Nobody here cares about the little screwy haired troll. Besides, he had his frat brothers whacked, so they’re not that close. And North Dakota has more firepower than that evil little bastard buried in our dirt. Plus two Air Force bases that are above ground. Don’t tell Donnie, lest he get some warped ideas.

So, DT, please don’t tell us you HAD to kiss KY jelly belly’s ample ass to keep us from getting nuclearated. Just admit you had a love connection because no great deal-making took place in Singapore. That’s right, we were watching. And we don’t care if you were hungry. A regular-sized Snickers bar isn’t enough for our part of your sordid arrangement. Plus, it’s doubtful they have one.

We, and yes, I do speak for all North Dakotans, want to know about soybeans and the metal our manufacturers need to make big-ass machines, grain bins and horseshoes. You know, the asinine tariffs. Hand hold on your own time.

Someone will write a speech for the great pumpkin and put it on the teleprompter. Probably Stephen Miller, the anti-Christ’s little brother. Rumored. Just kidding! Steph is the real deal.

The words will be written for a fourth-grader because that’s the skill level of our POTUS. But as is his custom, Spanky will get bored, or get tired of the effort involved in reading, and go off on a wild sweaty adventure of lying, score-settling, name-calling, ass-covering, excuses, wild stories and self-back patting.

Maybe he’ll take this gem out for a spin.

While regaling a FOX stiff about his great achievements in Singapore, he simply made up an easily verifiable story about the remains of American soldiers still in North Korea, and their really old parents. Very old.

“We have thousands of people who have asked for that — thousands and thousands of people, so many people asked when I was on the campaign. I would say, ‘Wait a minute, I don’t have any relationship.’ But they said, ‘When you can, president, we’d love our son to be brought back home — you know, the remains.’”

Trump added the following flourish of bullshit. “I said, ‘Will you do me a favor (to Kim)? The remains of these great fallen heroes, can we do something?’ He agreed to it immediately. It was pretty great.” — CBS Los Angeles

Then, they shared a cheesecake and a small 3-gallon pitcher of melted Hershey Kisses. It was magical. We might even get extra bones. The teeny mass murderer has cornered the human remains market in the hellscape he helped create for his people. And how do they thank KJ? By dying of starvation. Ingrates.

Maybe Clownzilla will tell us about his close relationship with the white nationalists who adore him and other whites, mostly men, who feel like they’re being genocided because all shades of people have lived on this turf over the course of the last 10,000 years, and the less reflective ones make their lives suck, for some reason.

Mr. Trump, they won’t leave and let us have a white ethno-state and we’re sad. These ethno-idiots are the ones who don’t see the flaws in wall technology.

It surely would be a crowd-pleaser if the New York asshole would go into a full white grievance rant. I’m sure Pete Tefft, Fargo’s known activist for white people, as if he’s the only racist in town, will be there.

Tefft has a supporting role in the new documentary, “White Right: Meeting the Enemy.” He didn’t impress anyone with his intellect, since it wasn’t discernable. He and his tiki tot buddies are Trump’s superbase. None but 10 percent of Republicans waiver from Trump’s hip, but these maniacs are nuts.

Speaking of weasels, Rob Port spent the last six years, with steam shooting out all orifices and his brain cell fixated on Sen. Heidi Heitkamp. She won an election, and that hurt his feelings. Port permanently resides on Cramer’s lap and has done a 180 on Trump, since flirting with sanity before the 2016 election.

Cramer craves Trump, and Port needs Cramer, so the weasel got in line. Not so long ago, Robbie had strong feelings about dumbo, and the base they share, when he wrote:.

  • “Trump knows exactly how dumb his supporters are, and has manipulated their ignorance to great effect.”
  • “Trump seems content to pander to actual paranoid racists.”
  • “I do not think Trump should win the presidency, however. He’s an embarrassment. He is not fit to lead our country.”

So, Port’s a hypocrite, and if Cramer is a Christian, he’s not a good one. Not if he’s for cruelty to kids, and their families, and not helping people who find themselves as refugees. Neither is a shock. And no, feeding rich people doesn’t count, Kev.

As for Cramer, he’s a secure cowardly vote for anything Trump wishes. That’s all Don sees. Someone to do his bidding. That’s why he’ll waddle onto the stage. He’ll screw Kevin over at some point, just like he has to thousands of others.

Name one thing Kevin has actually done in the past six years besides bitch about pantsuits, and promise to discriminate against anything LGBTQ-related. Fashion tips and bigotry don’t count. I couldn’t think of any accomplishments, so I looked.

Three of Cramer’s bills have become law, and only one of them had any purpose. Rename buildings or make grilled cheese the national sandwich. I sure don’t care, but don’t say you’ve had any impact, Kev.

Cramer once arranged a science committee meeting to prove that Bakken crude doesn’t explode, even though Bakken oil trains were exploding regularly. There are tons of witnesses, photos and video, but the evidence didn’t convince oil boy. Harold Hamm isn’t the finance guy on Kevin’s campaign for the free key rings.

And yes I’m implying exactly what I’m implying.

Cramer didn’t want to run in a tough race for Senate in the first place, and he can’t decide if the people of North Dakota, Harold Hamm or Donald Trump changed his mind. Trump begged him, though. He’s sure of that much.

Scheels Arena is only 2½ miles from my home. It makes me itchy. But surely, the motorcade will come south on Interstate 29 from the airport, so I can extend a finger and take a knee at any point before the botox bomber turns off at 32nd Avenue.

Bonus: Gag reflex tester from the Rolling Stone. You know who said it.

“You know, no men are anywhere. And I’m allowed to go in because I’m the owner of the pageant. And therefore I’m inspecting it … Is everyone OK? You know, they’re standing there with no clothes. And you see these incredible-looking women. And so I sort of get away with things like that.”

RON SCHALOW: Of Course, He Did

Well, at least he didn’t kiss the brutal dictator on the lips and/or grab him by his small organ. That’s something, I suppose. He didn’t sniff Kim’s butt, as far as we know. The action is tough to translate.

Instead, our president just slobbered up a storm and beamed radiantly like a teen dork picking up his best girl. This Kim Jong-un character is quite the looker. Anyone can see that. He favors a young Raymond Burr in the dark.

Unconventionally handsome, one person might have said, before being tossed into a superornate pit crawling with 13 skinny Himalayan Hairy crocs. Very rare. Not the execution. The reptiles. When KJ slides on those shades, he can get anything. Because he is a ruthless tyrant. Not due to the cool sunglasses.

There might be seven people in all of North Korea, who given the chance, wouldn’t beat “Big Boy’s” twin brother to death with a Dennis Rodman sock full of D-cells. Batteries not included. And Rodman can be a little squirrely, especially if he’s wearing the sock you need. A length of lead pipe is probably a better choice.

But Trump didn’t even lunge at the murderous, torturing, people-starving, shaved panda a-hole. Dough boy could have merely tipped over on the garden gnome and ended him in a splat. But DJT was too busy saluting doormen.

Did he see the concentration camps as features or bugs? The starving people? Not that impressive. Hell, we have those, and kids in cages, too.

The Donald actually admired the mini murderer and marveled at North Koreans sitting up at attention when in KJ’s presence and wishes “his” people would do the same. Some do. They’re called white nationalists. Most of them look like POTUS son, Eric. It’s not pretty.

Did they strike the deal Trump promised? No. Was it at least as good as the Iranian nuclear deal, chipmunk chins tossed in the trash? Not by a long shot.

But the Iranian deal was a really bad deal. Trump said so. He should know. He’s screwed thousands of people. Donnie declared the Iran deal the worst deal since the Flintstones — it’s on right before Fox & Friends — bought that car with no engine. Dim bulb thinks all of the missing parts should have been an obvious deal breaker for Fred. Like he’s ever driven a car — or looked under a hood.

The worst deal ever in the world, ever. Ever! It was 159 pages, so I don’t how a semiliterate like the doofus would know what was in it, but it took more than two fat guys with a sharpie to hammer out the details over a bucket of chicken.

The Iranian nuclear deal, also known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action because that is what it is called, took a zillion smart people 12 years to formulate.

So, meanwhile:

The ocean is full of plastic, as are the inhabitants of the sea. The plastic breaks down into tiny fragments and absorb toxins in the water. Fish and birds are full of the stuff. Humans who eat the fish also ingest the toxins, which can also be referred to as poisons.

Things like that don’t bother the puffy POTUS. It’s more handsome — and younger — leaders, like Justin Trudeau, that really get on his nerves.

Besides, Donnie is made up of 37 percent plastic. It’s a little known fact. He used to get a little overaggressive when McD’s Quarter Pounders were sold in foam containers. It could happen to barely anyone. Anyway, you can tell by the 4-pound tensile monofilament fishing line that thrusts out and tangles on his head.

Most regions of the ocean are overfished. The trawlers with huge nets trap everything in their path, including bycatch, the incidental but inevitable capture or killing of non target species such as dolphins, sea turtles, sharks, rays, seabirds, whales and porpoises. Also, fish too small for processing that deplete the species even further. And critters that make up the food supply of other species. It’s not good.

Just so the ignorant McAss can have a cheap McFish. His precious boys like to shoot rare land mammals, for fun, so dingus has taught them well.

As for global warming, which is caused by man, dipshits like 45 and Kevin Cramer don’t believe it, since they can’t digest complicated information, plus they were told not to believe it. These clowns are more concerned about bathroom usage, even though the pervert-in-chief used to just walk into teen female dressing rooms and peep up close.

Most of the carbon dioxide that is emitted into the air has been absorbed by the oceans and have acidified the water, which kills coral reefs that are the nurseries of the sea.

And most people know that the oceans are warming and rising. We’ve already seen the extra-powerful weather disasters fueled by the warmer air and water. Many citizens have died, but DJ tossed out some paper towels, so his ass is covered.

Those are just a few of the problems with the water that covers most the Earth. Harm to the oceans will eventually harm us all. It certainly will be expensive.

Our land-based issues aren’t any better, but those problems can wait because we’re in North Dakota, which is in the United States of Trump, where the future is a liberal concept.

More importantly, mister beluga whale carcass endorsed Congressman Lite in a Tweet. Bigot Cramer was giddy, but more compliments were showered on Kim Jong-un by the mad grifter, which most humans would call a red flag.

Kevin will need to kill a few thousand liberals, and starve some children, before he gets any real respect from the sleaze.

And since we can’t go a full hour without a Trump scandal, it turns out that he solicited money for charitable purposes, but used the loot for personal use.

Of course, he did.

RON SCHALOW: When Comes The Last Straw?

Personally, I am unable to speak to very many people, from the moral ground. I won’t put a percentage to it. It might be in the teens. I can usually spot my few lessers, if they still go out in public.

I’m like Trump in that respect. As he said,“I think within the first minute, I’ll know. Just, my touch, my feel — that’s what I do.”

However, I can say with positivity that I have been able to piece together a life that has been monstrously more virtuous than Donald “I Have Only Appeared in 3 Porn Films” Trump has breezed through.

Who knows how many adult films Carp-lips has financed? Who cares, at this point?

I know that the saintly Kevin Cramer has somehow forgiven — or pretended to absolve — the evil-smelling landfill of sins that McTrumpald keeps under a chin. Don can blow up his throat sacs, just like one of those crazy frogs, when startled by a Mexicanish looking hombre, to ward them off.

Cramer also exonerated Will “I Have Only Appeared in more than 3 Windows” Gardner. It’s a handy talent to have, especially for a congressman.

Here’s the part where 90 percent of the readers slap their forehead and think, “Is anyone surprised by any of this?” It’s actually the most typed comment, on all platforms, since the golden scrambled egghead Russianed his way in. “It better pick it up, or I’m off to Amazon.”

And the answer is no. It won’t pick up.

And no flippancy from here forward.

Anyway, I think it may be time to up our standards in this country, since Donald Milhous Trump oozed into office and lowered the bar for everything. How many straws are there? We should be to the last one by now before he takes a wrecking ball to the whole nation.

Of course, Trump will get more straws. But can we agree on the following?

1A. Cage-free children. No children in cages. None, nowhere, for no reason. No children in cages, or confined in warehouses. Is that too much to expect? Is the cruelty really necessary?

I thought it would have been a given. Evidently, I was in error. It’s wrong. It’s heartbreaking, and it’s barbaric and all words synonymous with barbaric. Not original thoughts.

Trump is 100 percent responsible. He tried to blame it on some fictional law the Democrats wrote, forcing him to cage kids. He lied because he’s a liar. Nobody is surprised.

Where’s Kevin with a flaming outrage. He was endorsed by at least one of the right-to-life groups, but I guess infants and toddlers don’t count in the scoring. It’s the same with most North Dakota politicians, who are either on board with caging children or afraid to ruffle the feathers of the peacocks.

Skin color has a lot to do with this.

1B. Separating a young child from his parent(s) is despicable. It’s torture for the youngsters and the parents. Torturous and cruel. Torture. We don’t torture.

2. Leave no one behind. It works for civilians, too. Almost 5,000 Americans died over the course of nine months due to Hurricane Maria and the ineptitude of the racist president.

That’s more than died on 9/11.

That’s more than died from Katrina, when an unengaged and incompetent president, and a clown named Brownie, screwed up royally.

Skin color has a lot to do with this. Puerto Ricans are not Norwegians. White people are preferred by Trump, which makes my skin crawl.

3. Don’t irritate the Canadians.

RON SCHALOW: Cramer Says Farmers ‘Don’t Have A Very High Pain Threshold’

Gutsy move.

“North Dakota farmers looking for answers amid tariff uncertainty,” is the title of an article posted  Thursday afternoon by GrayDC. Google the title to see the entire story and video.

The bad news

“Worst case scenario, you could see farmers losing their farms,” said Jeff Mertz, president of the North Dakota Grain Growers Association.

Mertz is in Washington trying to find solutions in this time of confusion. One of his stops was the Mexican Embassy.

“They’re no different than us. They’re just sitting across the border,” Mertz said .

The bad news with spin

The article continues: (Heidi) Heitkamp’s opponent in the North Dakota Senate race is Congressman Kevin Cramer, R-N.). Cramer says the situation will improve for farmers.

“I think you have to give this president a lot of credit for using the tools and the leverage that he has at his disposal to try to get a better deal for American business including American farmers,” Cramer said.

Cramer says a new trade deal negotiated by the White House will be beneficial for his state, but there’s no certainty when, or if, this will happen.

“The problem is when you have a long game plan and there’s short term, potential short-term pain, we don’t have a very high pain threshold in the United States of America,” Cramer said .

Yes, we need to give Donald Trump, the unregistered sex offender, a lot of credit for taking a hammer to our allies and using American farmers as pawns. A nonmegalomaniac might have had the trade professionals in our government negotiate with other nations, as in the norm.

“But there’s no certainty when, or if, this will happen,” Kevin says.

Farmers love it, when there’s no certainty, whens, or ifs. Just ask one.

Cramer has no clue about any actual plan the mad king might have in his soft brain, or whether it will be beneficial to the state. Nobody does. Trump doesn’t even know what’s going to come out of his mouth from minute to minute and only cares about himself. Just ask Puerto Rico.

We only lost thousands of Americans in Puerto Rico because Trump has a firm grasp of his job requirements and reality.

But Kevin blindly follows the fluffy racist, and defends him, no matter what. So many lies, but Donnie only appeared in three softcore porn films, so that’s good.

The ag sector of our state gets tossed under the combine.

Thanks Trump/Cramer!