Unheralded

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Me, Too

My first memory was playing in the dirt with a hand trowel just inside a wooded area near my home. I was digging deeply into the tan soil, pulling up chunks to later break down in search of “gold” — all of the good stuff was going into my dump truck, which was nearby. I was really into the moment. …


Unheralded

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — What Is It About Death?

Like birth, I think the hour of our death is very meaningful, whether our earthly minds allow us to solve the puzzle or not. It is drenched in meaning, here and also somewhere else. The year, month, day, hour and second — it is already written for each of us. I think I’m lucky in that I can see the light of …


NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Visiting Home

I didn’t cry when I first saw her but I wanted to. I held it in for a bit in an effort to stay sober and soak in everything. Changes. Changes like the time I came back from living in Grand Forks for a few years to Fargo and I saw the back of my dad’s head sitting in the …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Mom And Me

It’s much easier to stuff lately. And it’s not like I don’t have the energy to feel, it’s more like I’m making the conscious choice to avoid feeling much of anything that relates to the distance between us. Like wearing a life jacket in a rainstorm, it makes my inner child think I’m protected. Something new has started where I …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Hi, Mom!

When it came to phone conversations with mom, I was always the one saying goodbye. This perhaps wasn’t the case as a child, but this is what I most remember. “Well, I’ll let you go,” and so on — so much so it just became a habit. After she became sick, it continued (despite the guilt) because I felt, I …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Moments To Cherish

So, over the weekend, my brother, Chris, was visiting mom and set up a call for me. This seems to be the best way to reach her these days. I wish I could articulate just how much this change affects me, but I can’t seem to find the words. A lot of tears lately. A lot of just missing her, …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Is Facebook Quietly Banning Queer Content In Ads?

I think it’s creepy how unavailable actual human help has become. For the average person, it’s a dig to find a way to get in contact with anyone inside the most famous internet companies. Imagine how powerful Twitter would be if an actual human answered a help desk phone? Or your direct emails? Or dms? I realize reply emails, even …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — It’s All Worth It

I started to cry as I slowly peeled away the restrictive layer of clothing that is my binder, realizing this was the last day I would ever have to wear it again. What a strange mix of elation and contemplation. I instantly recalled all the times I came home from something, immediately stripping away and relishing in the relief of …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Another Conversation With Mom

Preface to reader: I originally planned to my make my second post one of the first ones I had made detailing my talks with my mom, who has primary progressive aphasia — a language disorder that involves changes in the ability to speak, read, write and understand what others are saying — and posts about them on social media. I found, …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Seventeen Minutes With Mom Tonight

Preface: My mother has a rare brain disorder called primary progressive aphasia (PPA) is a language disorder that involves changes in the ability to speak, read, write and understand what others are saying. It is often associated with memory loss and dementia, and though mom has only rarely not known who I was for a short time, she does have …

NICK HENNEN: Now I See — Every Day Is A Challenge For LBGTs In North Dakota

As a gay American living in what is inarguably one of the most retrograde states in the union, every day can prove to be a challenge. Traveling through my shoes, you’d feel a passage that can scrape, sometimes, against every living fiber that makes up who I am as a mother, a daughter, a sister, a human being, and most …