I rarely write anything political in this space these days — these columns are published in three states as well as in the two newspapers I own. I much prefer writing stories about the people I’ve met and the experiences we share on the northern Plains. I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a political slant in our news coverage. …
The B.C Boys are still acting mulish — forever steamed over the face masks of the devil — on unsocial media since the beginning of the pandemic. “Hell no, we won’t go — to Target or any other stow*, unless to buy a mask and buy some matches, and burn the veil all to ashes.” Visions of lit draft cards and flaming bras …
After the most recent LGBTQ embarrassment, when North Dakota Republicans unknowingly wrote the quiet part out loud, the big R’s condemned their political party’s own thoughts and directed the smart guy to remove Resolution 31 and the other 12,000 words of their platform from the NDGOP website. PSA: Resolutions are now exclusively available by request from corby@ndgop.org. Who took responsibility …
It was a feeble attempt at a rhetorical bank shot. Former majority leader and speaker of the North Dakota House of Representatives Wes Belter — a big deal — went on a Trumpist rager under a false premise to reiterate Donald Trump’s sermon on the mount for those who didn’t get the racist message. Belter’s entire op-ed was exceedingly consistent in dishonesty …
This past Friday, crazy North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum defied the Base’s morbidly obtuse idol by pleasantly asking people to be nice. These are the governor’s words: “I would really love to see in North Dakota that we could just skip this thing that other parts of the nation are going through where they’re trading a divide — either it’s ideological …
A virus is raging across China and it’s on a collision course with Donald Trump. As the North Dakota Young Republicans often opine, “Hmmmm.” They really know how to rile the base. But the thought of a Trump versus deadly virus showdown didn’t scare our guys. Not in the least. What good does it do to bark at a near-certain …
Proclamation on Declaring a National Emergency Concerning the Novel Coronavirus Disease Oval Office: Jan.13, 2020 THE PRESIDENT: My fellow Americans: I sit before you a (cough) humble man — not a hefty man, an obese man or a gingerbread man — just a regular heavily made-up fellow who is going to do the right thing whether the elitist establishment likes it or …
On Wednesday, North Dakota Congressman Kelly Armstrong (Cult45 —Bastiat Chapter) found his inner Kevin Cramer and spat out this chewed up olive pit: “We have the alleged victim of quid pro quo, bribery, extortion — whatever we’re dealing with now today — repeatedly and adamantly shouting from the rooftops that he never felt pressure, that he was not the victim …
Hot off the press, from the president who gives racist conmen a bad name: “IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY HERE, YOU CAN LEAVE! It is your choice, and your choice alone. This is about love for America. Certain people HATE our Country …” This is one of those big lies you hear about since nobody in this country hates America …
ICYMI: Our president willingly offers up the 73rd clue for historians to ponder regarding his emigration. “Fake news. You don’t have this problem with Russia, we have. You don’t have it.” That was Donald “Forest Expert” Trump amiably chatting up Vladimir “The Impaler” Putin for the microphones and sounding too sadly envious — for my taste — in his despair of not …
Sen. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., second chair apologist for sexual predators, proposed a bill that would restrict federal funding for health care facilities that “don’t respect human life and patient rights.” Cramer gives no mention of the evil human rights abuses that President Trump has inflicted on brown children, who are unfortunately dependent on his care since the orange stain was …
Sen. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., has been doing a splendid job in his efforts to help his sociopathic low IQ pagan idol, President Trump, with tariff boy’s coverup, and there is a good reason why. He’s practiced. Cramer has put in the work for whoever puts the sparkle in the eye of his inner hyena. A year ago, Kevin was proudly …
It’s terrible. The president is an asshole and his poll numbers go up in unison with his every act of ignorant cruelty. That’s one of those “known knowns.” And maybe, “known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.” And I thought Donald Rumsfeld was a dick. Now, this odd character just entered. …
Fear not, if you were worried that Kelly Armstrong’s feet wouldn’t be small enough to fit into Kevin Cramer’s shoes. The wingtips feel fine. No room for growth, so perfect. Like Cramer and many others in his party, Armstrong will follow Donald Trump into the always popular “obese size” executive time tanning bed slash toaster oven to retrieve an unknown …
Since the Fargo Forum’s shill for the overdog and slacker political pundit, who refers to himself as a humble observer and the most influential political blogger in North Dakota, isn’t being humble or most influential, he obviously isn’t up to his own hype and requires a hand. Need an example? “Port: State lawmakers should be wary of their own revenue …
It’s getting a little chippy out there in Forum letters-to-the-editor land, regarding the delicious bovine’s monster recurring donation to the greenhouse gases mix. Miracle meat or not, cows and other farm animals emit methane. The kangaroo does not, I understand. And methane is 30 times more powerful than carbon dioxide as a heat-trapping gas. So, there’s that. Hell, in North …
So what happened to the women haters who had a crush on the rabidly unconventionally handsome Bret Kavanaugh and slithered into the slimy pits to smear a sexual assault survivor? Are they taking a break? The Men’s Rights Movement, a lot like the mildly obese Donald Trump finding too many pieces of chicken in the bucket, is back to a …
Later this month, Donald Trump tells Justin Trudeau to keep those low IQ Canada geese on his side of the loser border. “Or what?” asks the Prime Minister. “We’ll hit them with the tear gas, that’s what, junior. No, wait. I’ll have them lined up and shot. Did you hear that, Trudy? We’re going to shoot them with our guns. …
Because I can’t stop clicking on Amazon ads with pictures of things I don’t recognize, I know what more things look like than I did last year, which only counts for tots. I spotted the “Future Fork” that is not for eating future meals, as it turned out. It’s a modern, I guess, pitchfork/shovel for moving manure. Amazon recommends that …
Only 25 percent of Americans own a gun and just 3 percent of Americans own half of them. Some of folks own an AR-15 or a dozen. And a number of owners feature their AR-15 on their Facebook page. “They just look scary, you stupid lib$%&# snowflake cuck.” Anyway, back when cars didn’t all look alike, the across-the-street neighbor with …
Just in the last seven to 10 days, a sampling of DDT: We’re shooting tear gas canisters at kids. That’s a thing I haven’t seen since the last seriously raucous protest. I guess civilians have been dodging that poison for a long time. Maybe advanced photography makes the current scene more surreal. Something about this time seems extra evil. Here …
Executive Summary: Heidi Heitkamp walked over Kevin Cramer like an Irish setter wearing spiked golf shoes Friday eve. But all you get when that happens is a deflated, puffed-up bantam rooster, which makes for little more than a lumpy throw rug with a weak mind and sweaty palms. “Smirky” claimed to be for civility in politics, while his roly-poly role …
And some of their money. Bejeebers can be had for a small bag of low-quality spring garage sand. No dust will be accepted until further notice. GEORGE SOROS BUYS MONTANA!!! Kevin Cramer has sold himself as the thrift-sized Donald Trump. He has also taken the Cult45 oath and gently handed the rose to a forever blushing Donnie T. So there …
“Where are the Cool Ranch Doritos?” barks Donald Trump. “This is the worst disaster in the history of disasters. Maybe ever.” “Bottom left drawer.” “Oh, thanks, Eyebrow. I wonder what other presidents used this drawer for? Probably alcohol and cocaine powder. This country is a mess. Obama must have been one lubed up skinny Kenyan from shithole Africa, believe me. …
Caution: Some meandering ahead. I believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford because I can see, hear and comprehend sincerity. It isn’t a tough call. As for this Brett Kavanaugh character, he has a disposition that would embarrass a Rottweiler. All that snarling would get irritating after about 10 minutes. I’ve seen his type before, and they usually screwed me out of …
Saltwater. So abundant. For decades, child global cartographers have gone bonkers when the blue crayon became a nub before ever even getting to the Tropic of Capricorn. Some wannabes outside the map colorization community have suggested that we might be dealing with multicolored gulfs, epicontinental seas and fjords. Purists consider this train of thought to be pure madness. The oceans …
Donald Trump was in Fargo. Again. It was his second visit since June 27, but this time it was to raise money for Kevin Cramer, who is getting shellacked by Heidi Heitkamp in the dollar department. This time, though, he only spoke for about for about 30 minutes. Much of it was pure bullshit, but the small crowd, including a …
Attorneys across America are reporting a brisk uptick in business as clients rush to request the absence of Donald J. Trump at their funerals. Most are insisting that all caps be used in the codicil. The trend is the same at LegalZoom\ and other do-it-yourself websites for wills and other documents. John Suh, CEO of LegalZoom said, “Our Last Will …
This is a hard time to be a true American. As I write this, a very large military appropriations bill was passed by Congress. The president of the United States signed the bill into law and held a press conference acknowledging some lawmakers in attendance. What the president did not do is to acknowledge Sen. John McCain, for whom the …
The Forum of Fargo initially said it was $104,528.22. Then the mayor said it was more like $10,000 over the daily cost of law enforcement. The deputy police chief said city law enforcement “… accrued only $1,200 in overtime.” A commentator from The Forum said it was actually $31,147.58. The cost of President Trump’s event in Fargo in support of …
“All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness.” ― Tennessee Williams Children are still in cages, kennels, internment camps, or otherwise incarcerated. The tragedy is not over. The horrific news keeps coming. It’s still wrong. It’s still barbaric. It’s still cruel. Where are the kids belonging to the adults? In many cases, the parents, and our government, have no …
Is the picture above worth a thousand words. Maybe. Kevin Cramer’s face is worth a thousand of something. “But Donnie brought me to the prom, and now he’s standing with that short red-headed vixen,” is likely what he was thinking. The photo was taken May 24, 2018. I’ll explain why that matters in a bit. Personally, I never want to …
The president of the United States has made an issue out of what he calls “disrespect” of our flag. Remember what he said last year when some National Football League football players took to their knees to protest racism during the national anthem? The leader of this great country shouted that he’d love to see “those SOBs” fired for taking …
To review: Rob Port is a blogger. It’s his calling, I guess. And Port writes plenty of things that just aren’t so. Fictional, as the English language puts it. I assume he tells the same stories on the radio, but the pitch of his voice makes my toenails recede. Furthermore, Kevin Cramer’s loyal basset hound is not an expert on …
I think Lady Liberty would be crying right now if she were human. Given the events of recent days, echoing the worst days from our history, I cannot fathom what it would be like to be an immigrant, a nonwhite person or a dreamer. The executive and legislative branches of government right now are treating humans like cattle in their …
Brock Long, Trump’s FEMA administrator, wins first place as the most cold-blooded person this week. While emergency supplies have still not been distributed to the citizens of Puerto Rico, and while the people plead for food and clean water; die for lack of medical care because of lack of energy; and basically suffer through the aftermath of the hurricane — …
In Port Whine Part 1, the Mediocre Years Continue; we learned that famed blogger for Forum Communications, Rob Port, is not a peachy guy, smears private citizens without a thought, happily publishes unsubstantiated propaganda and considers himself “one of the most consequential reporters/commentators in the state.” I consider myself a large ill-tempered racoon, with Vick’s VapoRub issues. Also, this series …
Leave it to a bunch of kids. Twenty-one of them from around the United States filed a “constitutional climate lawsuit” against the U.S. government in 2015. At the time, they ranged in age from 9 to 20. For the most part they were, and still are, people with next-to-zero voice in our formal political system. Even so, they’re out in …
The last time we checked in with Congressman Kevin Cramer, he had recently voted for a health care bill that was so deplorably cruel, even Donald Trump called it “mean.” And old road kill cranium has skimmed charity dollars from kids with cancer, so that’s saying something. Who read the bill to the president is anybody’s guess. On May 6, …
Once upon a time, I had a fishing boat with a little 9.9 hp Johnson outboard motor. You could drive all day and all night and wouldn’t use a cup of gas. The kids learned to water ski behind it and loved to go wave-jumping in it. The only thing we didn’t do was fish … until one of my …
Safe drinking water. Clean air. Wild lands that maintain plant and animal diversity. The very health of the planet itself. They were all here, in great shape and in abundance before any of us arrived. In my judgment, they should all be here when we turn things over to our children and grandchildren. If you agree, start paying attention. Not …
I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m an angry lib!@$#. And I’m hardly the only one. A serial liar is President Trump, which I find disconcerting, but it doesn’t bother smarmy Congressman Kevin Cramer, the whole of the North Dakota GOP, and 39 percent of Americans. Maybe some haven’t heard the news, and maybe some think all news is fake because the …
And so the Illegitimate One has taken the oath and in so doing has vomited even more lies with the world as a witness. Meanwhile, “Hairman Mao’s” Cabinet of criminals awaits approval from his fellow congressional conspirators. Never has a man so unpopular and so divisive taken the oath of office as the president of the U.S.A. As the world …
When the U.S. Supreme Court, on a 5-4 decision, ruled to basically eliminate caps on political spending through its decision on Citizens United — We the People lost. My comments apply to our political system and what has been happening in recent years, regardless of your political persuasion. Money has come to dominate our elections. Here are just a few examples …