RON SCHALOW: Super Crump Bred To Scare Gullible White People Out Of Their Bejeebers

And some of their money. Bejeebers can be had for a small bag of low-quality spring garage sand. No dust will be accepted until further notice.


Kevin Cramer has sold himself as the thrift-sized Donald Trump. He has also taken the Cult45 oath and gently handed the rose to a forever blushing Donnie T.

So there is no longer any point in pretending that the dizygotic twins haven’t morphed into a superunmuzzled sole racist entity sharing a single smug character-free brain the size of a regulation softball. Or a large grapefruit, if sports aren’t your thing.

So I will refer to the follically challenged pair in the singular, to spare us all the repetition.

One “ring chromosome “to unite us all. Look it up.

The strategy is to lie. That’s it. Easy as Jello. Lie about race. The loonier, the better. Railing about brown people is the perpetually bad racist habit of conservatives. Crump is making George Wallace look like a vegan barista.

It’s a rare tactic for any organization in the upper world to employ, but it’s worked many times before. Just LIE. Just do it.

Vegas oddsmakers have gollywogged the chance that Crump will lie during any given sentence at 96 percent. That jibes with my figures. Only 2 percent of Cabal word strings will be truthful, and Crump must have snuck in a third category of truth when we were all watching for a real wanker move on the part of the alt-right Apple Dumpling Gang.


Crump is a liar. That’s only a shocker to the people of the often boasted of “base,” or it would be, if they didn’t all have their heads stuck in pumpkins. It’s gotta be gourds in gourds. It seems like a good idea at the time, but seeds start stacking up in the nasal chamber and the oxygen/stupidity ratio can drop to Rob Port levels. There is no other explanation for a truth deafness like this.

Coincidently, you would think, it turns out the racist asshole is biologically 96 percent pork. The whiter bag of meat.


The storylines:

A) Mongol hordes are attacking us from the south. Nobody messes with them. Genghis is very dead, but Crump swears to have seen Kublai Khan among those on horses. Oh, and Crump also sees big brown horses, also eligible for slurs.

The visible travelers are on foot and unarmed Hondurans, but the Bigot Boy white nationalist detects “Middle Eastern” shithole residents among the masses. Mostly Jews, I suppose. Coming to replace us. I assume some are good people.


But no Jews, Chinese, boofers, Trump brothers, Eskimos, gays or Russians are in the parade according Crump. And certainly not any Saudi Arabians. Crump kisses up to anyone who weighs their money to save time.

Crump means Syrian, Iranian, Yemeni and such. We’re extra scared of these flavors of Middle Eastern — even the kids. Crump explains how dangerous it would be to have a brand-new Iranian in the country. The Iranians already here are OK. For now.

Oh, and some Spanish-speaking ISIS health nuts figure the walk will be good for the pounds and the calves, so they jumped the line. Crump claims there are exactly 700 of them. Anyway, these terrorist guys were recruited by Nancy Pelosi’s brother-in-law, Herb. But they wouldn’t be paid until after the something, so they were forced to hitch a series of rides to get from the Mediterranean to the Yucatan Peninsula. No small feat, but also good for your caloric intake. These guys are ripped.


At least one woman is afraid her Minnesota lake cabin will be full of Hondurans in the spring after she spent the winter at her compound in Honduras. It makes sense if you don’t think about it. If that’s the broad-based plan for the caravan, I predict more frozen dead bodies than usual will be found in Nebraska and South Dakota.

Anyway, Crump and the Sunshine Band is positive that the border is undefended and brown people are just swarming across the border to rape, murder, take all of the good jobs, steal your coupons, dance with your date and ruin prep schools and frats for everyone.

Soon, aquariums won’t be allowed to display blue whales or gray whales. Only white Belugas.

And according to BJ and the Bear, everybody is now a mob. Democrats, the deep state, the media, demonstrators, mall walkers and in North Dakota — two Natives are a riot.


Violent Democrats want open borders, they want crime and the dissolution of ICE. Any liberal in any coffee shop, with too many cranberry mocha lattes with half goats milk under their belt, can shout anything out loud, and all Democrats are now tethered to the pronouncement. So sayeth The Committee to Re-elect the President.

A wall will stop low-flying bats, if we actually had a wall. Herb says we can’t have a true sovereign country without a Crump-approved wall. Herb is getting cocky now.

Larry Duke, brother of David Duke, a close friend of Crump, with a shovel ready face, has explained the specifics of the wall logistics thusly:

The federal government condemns a large strip of privately owned land and obscures the sight and cuts off the use the Rio Grande River to those on the American side. It’s not like the wall could be built on Mexican land, or down the middle of the river. Every landowner along the way will surely jump on this Crump plan.


Sanctuary cities are the worst, croaks Crump. Municipalities love it when the federal government tells them how to handle their budget. States rights don’t matter. Imaginary rioting is taking place. And just because a so-called sanctuary city is a safer city, the police should have no say in their own operation. It’s discretionary common sense.

Many years ago, in the bar days, the cops of a unnamed North Dakota city would occasionally walk into this particular bar at 1 a.m. But instead of hassling the handful of old guys, with half of a beer left, they saw to it that these drunken duffers made it home safely. Is was a discretionary kindness that better served the public. Crump doesn’t recognize kindness. Or empathy.

None of these issues apply to North Dakota, except that we could USE some more people to fill all of these jobs I keep hearing about. Hondurans are people. But even though conservatives say that emotions need to be taken out of political decision-making, emotions of fear and loathing, are on their top shelf. Along with redistricting and suppression of the vote.

Crump doesn’t care if these issues even apply to North Dakota, or if it’s actually a problem.

Crump will just keep on spreading fear, lying, as long as the pumpkin heads swerving among us keep voting for the same smarmy sociopaths.


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