RON SCHALOW: Tears Of A Clown Lover

Is the picture above worth a thousand words. Maybe. Kevin Cramer’s face is worth a thousand of something.

“But Donnie brought me to the prom, and now he’s standing with that short red-headed vixen,” is likely what he was thinking. The photo was taken May 24, 2018. I’ll explain why that matters in a bit.

Personally, I never want to see any woman standing close to Donald Trump, since the slime gets in the hair, and shampoo is useless against the goo. Plus, he might assault her. That’s the primary concern, I guess. I should have started with the sexual assault thing. Coal boy is a fargin grabby bastage.

And Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. Kick the hair whisperer in the balls. At the very least. That would have taken some of the edge off the heartbreak for me.

Rumsfeld shook Saddam Hussein’s hand in 1980s but didn’t knife him. Somewhat of a missed opportunity, wouldn’t you say? He could have saved us a lot of lives. And money.

So, Heidi is standing right next to a white supremacist. Possibly a few fine people. Great.

And there have been plenty of votes by Heitkamp that have been real punches to the gut for the liberal in me. What is an old guy to think? She should have kicked him in the balls.

But there’s this Cramer fellow, whose guidance counselor told him to start a small cult up in the Idaho mountains and hunt lib$%#@’s for sustenance. I think that is still a good path for him. Pack up the freeze-dried beef stroganoff and head west, young man.

But a senator? All Kevin knows how to do is yammer about Obamacare and make scrambled eggs.

That’s not going to cut it. Cramer can cuddle with the troika of darkness, Rob Port, Rick Berg and Scott Hennen, all he wants, but spending time with those jokers isn’t going to make Kev any smarter. They should join him at his new cult camp.

The chance of me voting for Cramer is right up there with the odds of taking a small meteorite to the gourd. And I would prefer the stony metal rock.

So, I’m not a purist. I know where I was born. I’m with the moderate. Not the fanatic. And not the lesser of two evils.

Heidi looks like she just realized that velociraptor is drooling right behind her. Where’s Laura Dern for crissake? “Maybe I can stab it with the commemorative pen. Just stay very still, I think is best.”

Heitkamp was standing in the worst possible spot in the room during this well choreographed signing of a giant Denny’s menu. If Wild Bill taught us anything, it’s never have your back to the door.

And nothing good ever happened hanging around with Don the Con, or anyone who requires six hours in makeup and hair engineering\ before shuffling on his bone spurs towards the light.

Since Heidi has a well functioning brain, she’s pondering at Vulcan levels. Cramer is working at Orc level at best. Not her actual thoughts, but probably.

  • “239 pounds? This fatass? Not in this century.”
  • “Another room full of nocturnal urinaters, again. Super.”
  • “Leg sweep, elbow smash to the spleen, and out the media door.”
  • “Oh, hapless Kevin, He’s not going to take this well. Maybe I should give him the pen.”
  • “I’ll bet they have a few defibulators fired up and ready to zap, in this room.”
    “Goddamn it! I left the mace in my purse.”

Poor Kevin was told to stand against the wall, like a common black man, an Indian (American or Indian) or a Trump secretary. The frisking wasn’t totally unpleasant, but he still looks unambiguously despondent. His mind is whirling with hypothetical thoughts.

“I’m not putting up with this. I want big D to be happy … buh, buh … nooooo. I can’t do it? I need him. I can’t walk away. I’ll be the best me I can be. Well, that won’t work, brain! Duh. I can’t do that. But she can’t have him, that’s for darn sure. Don acts like everything is fine. But Heidi can never love him the way I have. I’ll suck it up. But it’s so unfair. I’ve pelted him with diamonds and flowers, for Pete’s sake.”

“Little Red Riding Hood got to stand right by the desk. SHE GOT A PEN! Now, the temptress is right beside him. She can smell his special signing something cologne. It’s heavenly. Why am I way back here? I’m the one who votes with my Don 109 percent of the time.”

Anyway, this photo has some extra uncomfortable implications. One media outlet broke the story of Kevin’s pouting about Trump’s disinterest in his Senate campaign. Kev really put his foot down and still got screwed. Join the club, bub.

The picture was taken two days after Cramer’s whining, and then Trump stabbed him in the eye.

Trump doesn’t look like he had started caring about, or knowing of a Kevin Cramer. POTUS has children to separate from their parents and trade wars to start. Maybe old fish kill remembers being in North Dakota, but don’t bet on it. Could he be losing his conventional memory? His memory up until now has been mostly imaginary.

Excerpt from the Washington Examiner:


“Rep. Kevin Cramer wants more help from President Trump as he accelerates his bid to oust Democratic Sen. Heidi Heitkamp in North Dakota.

“The Republican congressman delivered that message on Friday during a White House meeting with political director Bill Stepien to discuss his Senate campaign, GOP sources tell the Washington Examiner. Cramer led Heitkamp by approximately 6 percentage points in recent internal polling, and Republicans are confident about his prospects.

“But Cramer, heavily recruited by Trump, has been irked by the close cooperation between Heitkamp and the White House on some major issues. Cramer wants the president to provide a more demonstrable show of support for his candidacy in North Dakota, along the lines of a fundraiser or rally.” —  Washington Examiner, May 22, 2018

Rob Port expanded on the Examiner story, because he must:


The headline from the article is that Cramer apparently paid a visit to the White House asking them for more support. Though, reading the article, I’m not sure it’s so much a call for more support as request that Trump neutralize Heitkamp’s use of him in her campaign.

A week ago, Heitkamp’s campaign released a radio ad in which she touts how often she votes with Trump. She said she “worked with President Trump to get rid of unnecessary EPA regulations.”

“When I agree with the president, I vote with him, and that’s over half my votes,” Heitkamp continued.

That’s an accurate claim. According to FiveThirtyEight.com, Heitkamp has voted with Trump about 55 percent of the time, though that’s more than 18 percentage points less than the least friend Republican Senator (Rand Paul) who votes with Trump almost 74 percent of the time.

But if Heitkamp is going to invoke friendliness with Trump as a way to ingratiate herself with largely pro-Trump voters in North Dakota, what better way to rebut it than to have Trump himself fire back?

“Which is what I imagine Cramer and his people were doing in this meeting:” — Sayanythingblog, May 22, 2018

If Kevin Cramer didn’t know that Trump was a poor human specimen, with no character, with no shame and only functions for his own selfish interest, then he’s even dumber than I think he is. Or maybe that was the attraction. Either way, he only has himself to blame.

Bonus Crazy. I thought maybe Scott Hennen might finally apologize for his insanely misogynistic and homophobic comments a few days earlier, but I found this on his Facebook page, instead. He wants Heidi to back away from Cramer’s man, too.

“We’re in a sad state of affairs politically these days. Team Hillary/Heitkamp/Obama trash Donald J. Trump and fight every consequential policy. Meanwhile they lie and spy and try everything to bring him down. Heitkamp likes to try and stand close to Trump and brag about supporting him on a handful of bills that would pass with or without her. If she truly supported Trump she’d speak out against the witch hunt. Instead she is stone cold silent. Some support.

“Heitkamp and her liberal pals are bitter about the election and continue to ignore extraordinary accomplishments. And if they’d had their wish in Nov 2016, we’d have a disaster in America now.

“No fracing (sp). No coal. Allowing extremists to govern ag policy. Higher taxes. More Obama care. Giving Iran cash to build more nukes. Porous borders. Bad trade deals. Depleted military. Abortion on demand and taxpayer funds to Planned Parenthood. And many more.

“They want to return to THAT America. Do you?

“Tell Heidi Heitkamp, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama that we have had enough of their disastrous policies. It’s time they all retire to liberal manor.” — Scott Hennen

Oh, dear.

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