“A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.” — Alexander Hamilton Years ago, when walking down Main Street in Minot — it’s really on an incline — I regularly saw an unfortunate man with baggy gray pants and suspenders who angrily yelled at parked cars. Had I promised to support anything the short old man said or did, …
Executive Summary: Heidi Heitkamp walked over Kevin Cramer like an Irish setter wearing spiked golf shoes Friday eve. But all you get when that happens is a deflated, puffed-up bantam rooster, which makes for little more than a lumpy throw rug with a weak mind and sweaty palms. “Smirky” claimed to be for civility in politics, while his roly-poly role …
And some of their money. Bejeebers can be had for a small bag of low-quality spring garage sand. No dust will be accepted until further notice. GEORGE SOROS BUYS MONTANA!!! Kevin Cramer has sold himself as the thrift-sized Donald Trump. He has also taken the Cult45 oath and gently handed the rose to a forever blushing Donnie T. So there …
Heidi Heitkamp has had better weeks. She’s probably had better train wrecks. “Nobody told me there’d be days like these,” John Lennon sang. “Strange days, indeed.” Last week, her campaign, scrambling for momentum, included in a newspaper ad the names of 127 women purported to be sexual abuse victims. The ad called out Kevin Cramer for his insensitivity to the …
One of the features of Trump University alternate mathematics is the ability to optionally count invisible people, a revolutionary new system of viewing numerals and other math adjacent quotients. Kevin Cramer evidently clicked on “other.” Anyway, on a nationally broadcast political show, Showtime’s “The Circus,” Cramer told John Heilemann “… if it happens that Donald Trump is right for North …
So, the Forum editorial board has decided that the 2019 Sears catalog cover boy, Kevin Cramer, is the best choice for the U.S. Senate, rather than the suspiciously superior Heidi Heitkamp. The decision is not a surprise. The board always find a way to placate ownership and endorse the Republican candidate. It’s their prerogative. Some poor sap had to type …
The congressman stood behind the podium talking in circles, grinning like a meerkat pup that just got the better of his first scorpion, and the crunchy bugger would make a fine breakfast burrito. Then, the smug miniature mongoose of the desert smirked, smarmed and sniggered for 60 minutes after the meal, as is the custom of his holy family. That …
According to the almanac, this is Rob Port’s 715th Heitkamp lie, which I believe beats Basil Ruth’s record. Basil had good run, but was forced to join the circus last year. Rumor, from one of my anonymous sources, suggests that Port was smiling during the abduction but refuses to lift things. Anyway, Sen. Heidi Heitkamp ran an ad, an open …
Wouldn’t it be something if control of the U.S. Senate turned on a couple of misinterpreted Facebook posts by an overzealous supporter of an obscure senator from North Dakota named Heidi Heitkamp? Could happen. Heidi, who I would have rated last week as having at least a 50-50 chance of holding her seat in the Senate, is in big trouble. …
I don’t know if you’ve been following along but there’s this thing 58 percent of Americans do the first Tuesday of November. And no, it’s not check the mailbox for a welfare check as some might have you believe. It’s called it an election, although some people refer to them as train wrecks. The last election should have been sponsored …
Saudi journalist and U.S. resident Jamal Khashoggi was murdered in the Saudi Consulate. President Trump told America that the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia “forcefully denies the killing.” President Trump then went on to say there may have been “rogue killers” involved and said he was waiting for information. That’s another presidential lie, since Turkey has made clear it shared …
“Where are the Cool Ranch Doritos?” barks Donald Trump. “This is the worst disaster in the history of disasters. Maybe ever.” “Bottom left drawer.” “Oh, thanks, Eyebrow. I wonder what other presidents used this drawer for? Probably alcohol and cocaine powder. This country is a mess. Obama must have been one lubed up skinny Kenyan from shithole Africa, believe me. …
In the context of the hearings to determine if Bret Kavanaugh is fit to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court, Rep. Kevin Cramer has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that he isn’t fit to represent anyone. Again. Again. The only time North Dakota’s lone congressman makes national news is when he’s inserted his foot so far down his …
Based on his related comments, it’s hard not to imagine a Kevin Cramer conversation with a sexual assault survivor that doesn’t go something like this. A Cramer-related female rushes in the front door, and yells, “Father, er, sir, I’ve been attacked.” Cramer doesn’t look up. “Who are you?” He continues smiling down on a photo of him trying to give …
At the risk of losing her Senate seat, Sen. Heidi Heitkamp, D-N.D., cast a true and heartfelt “NO” vote on the nomination of Brent Kavanaugh to a lifetime position on the U.S. Supreme Court. She is an attorney, has served as North Dakota attorney general, has dealt with Native American issues and sex trafficking and has broad, solid legal experience. …
I am a survivor. That is what I always call myself. I am not a victim of sexual assault. I am a survivor. One of the titles for the many talks I’ve given over the years about my sexual assault is “From Victim to Victor: Finding Healing and Strength in the Face of Violence.” In it, I address the so called …
The regular Kevin Cramer hijinks and loathsome burbs is required writing because the belligerent stupidity is such great fun to opine. After the stomach stops churning. I mean his last gullet convulsing diatribe, on the attempted illegal something versus the completion of an illegal something equals Q was brilliant in it’s combative contempt for women, girls and sanity. I assume …
When you’re the most influential political blogger in North Dakota — just ask him — a columnist for the mighty Forum Communications Company, reigning Miss Congeniality of the Sam Adams Alliance awards and winner of the Americans For Prosperity Award for Online Excellence, you’re always under tremendous pressure to come up with new and thought provoking ways to stick a …
Chief Amatoya Kanagaota Moytoy was a powerful 17th century Cherokee leader, born and died in what is now Tennessee. In translation, he was referred to as “emperor.” Moytoy married Quatsy of Tellico, a full-blooded Cherokee of the Holy Clan. She was also referred to as Nancy in other records. It is a common tome of myriad Native nations that the …
Donald Trump was in Fargo. Again. It was his second visit since June 27, but this time it was to raise money for Kevin Cramer, who is getting shellacked by Heidi Heitkamp in the dollar department. This time, though, he only spoke for about for about 30 minutes. Much of it was pure bullshit, but the small crowd, including a …
Donald Trump has been to North Dakota more often than Kevin Cramer has held an in-person town hall in Fargo, the frightening land of several liberals. Or, as Rob Port, Cramer’s stress ball, would describe these lib%$#@’s; they are all Heidi Heitkamp operatives. Very sinister. The status of these libs is so secret, even they don’t know they are on …
Aristotle wasn’t privy to modern science, but he contended that people from nations outside of Greece were inferior in a number of ways to the native Greeks. Many of the outsiders ended up as slaves, so I doubt their opinions were taken into much consideration. And don’t get me started on the whole mess with the Moors, Sephardic Jews and …
All during Paul Manafort’s criminal trial, including while the jury was deliberating, the president of the United States did everything but call the jury members, espousing what an honest, good and decent man Manafort is. Even after the jury convicted him on numerous counts, the president continued his rant. That old cliché that “water seeks its own level” surely applies …
Hello class, it’s that time of year. The wheat harvest is on, the leaves will be turning soon, and NFL players are beginning to kneel. It’s time for the Tony Bender Back to School Super Brain Quiz. 1. Why won’t Kevin Cramer agree to more debates? A. Stall Ball always works out so well. B. How many ways can you …
This is a hard time to be a true American. As I write this, a very large military appropriations bill was passed by Congress. The president of the United States signed the bill into law and held a press conference acknowledging some lawmakers in attendance. What the president did not do is to acknowledge Sen. John McCain, for whom the …
Gov. Doug Burgum joined 30 other governors last week in support of Brett Kavanaugh as the next Supreme Court justice, which is — if you’re a Republican — about as shocking as going to a midsummer tent revival and proclaiming your love for Jesus. Even if you’re only there to pick up sweaty Baptist chicks. Burgum, Sen. John Hoeven and Senate …
The Forum of Fargo initially said it was $104,528.22. Then the mayor said it was more like $10,000 over the daily cost of law enforcement. The deputy police chief said city law enforcement “… accrued only $1,200 in overtime.” A commentator from The Forum said it was actually $31,147.58. The cost of President Trump’s event in Fargo in support of …
“SHUT UP, Stan, or I’ll do something drastic, you meathead” screams Orville. “Another one, bartender.” Stan stands by a stool for a minute, to let his eyes adjust to the low bar lighting. He sits and says, “I like where your head’s at, Orv. Preventative attacks never turn out bad. I’ll take your spasm under advisement. How many quarts of …
“All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness.” ― Tennessee Williams Children are still in cages, kennels, internment camps, or otherwise incarcerated. The tragedy is not over. The horrific news keeps coming. It’s still wrong. It’s still barbaric. It’s still cruel. Where are the kids belonging to the adults? In many cases, the parents, and our government, have no …
Prior to President Trump’s visit to Fargo, I took a shot at guessing what he might say at the rally for Kevin Cramer, who got three minutes of mic time and an awkward bro hug. My predictions; followed by the real deals. “Heidi? Where’s Heidi. What the hell are we doing here, if she doesn’t even show up! Who?” “Isn’t …
If Donald Trump had walked into a Minot working man’s bar before he became a fancy pants, popular stream of consciousness screamer, he would have ended up in the dumpster, with appropriate discoloration, in under 30 minutes. No self-respecting patron of the bar arts in the Magic City, would suffer a loudmouth, self-aggrandizing, lying dick for very long. Experienced drinkers …
When I was a youngster, chain-link fencing started to pop up on a few yards on south hill in Minot. I remember thinking, “Gosh, I hope no kids get trapped in there.” Then I saw the gate. They all had gates. What a relief. Easy egress. These were a noncage fences. Now, when I was at the zoo in Roosevelt …
There was an election last week and Democracy lost. Just 19.66 percent of eligible North Dakotans voted — 114,340. Meanwhile, the winner, Apathy, recorded 467,301 yawns. The only place with lower turnout was North Korea. Isn’t it obvious now that we need more undocumented immigrants to do the voting Americans just won’t do? Even more disconcerting was the revelation that …
That rumble of keystrokes you hear on horizon is the sound of every North Dakota GOP official pounding out a condemnation of President Trump’s new barbaric policy of taking children from their parents and securing the tykes in cages. You won’t see that use in the chain-link fence catalog. Wait, nope. It’s just that stupid building climbing raccoon. Gawd. I …
So, the well endowed Mar-a-Lago mermaid is coming to Fargo to scare the immigrants. That’s just perfect. Personally, I can feel an orange gelatin evil in the Force. And I’m not even one of those little green dudes. I’m just happy to know that Mark Hamill has enough cash to get by. Anyway, the Mar-a-Lago manatee will be in town …
Well, at least he didn’t kiss the brutal dictator on the lips and/or grab him by his small organ. That’s something, I suppose. He didn’t sniff Kim’s butt, as far as we know. The action is tough to translate. Instead, our president just slobbered up a storm and beamed radiantly like a teen dork picking up his best girl. This …
Personally, I am unable to speak to very many people, from the moral ground. I won’t put a percentage to it. It might be in the teens. I can usually spot my few lessers, if they still go out in public. I’m like Trump in that respect. As he said,“I think within the first minute, I’ll know. Just, my touch, …
Gutsy move. “North Dakota farmers looking for answers amid tariff uncertainty,” is the title of an article posted Thursday afternoon by GrayDC. Google the title to see the entire story and video. The bad news “Worst case scenario, you could see farmers losing their farms,” said Jeff Mertz, president of the North Dakota Grain Growers Association. Mertz is in Washington …
Recently, the Kevin Cramer for Senate campaign released what they named the Tax Cut ad. He voted for Donald Trump’s tax cut scam, and Sen. Heidi Heitkamp did not. This situation requires a new blue-collar shirt and a pair of campaign dungarees. So, we see Kevin strolling through a farm equipment manufacturing plant. That was his first mistake. Cramer’s role …
OK, people, I’m warning you, I took Ambien, so anything could happen. Then again, I might simply nod off. It would be much worse if you nodded off. Now would be a perfect time for that energy drink, or if you want something less stimulating, crack cocaine. I now keep my energy drinks in a gun safe because of what …
Is the picture above worth a thousand words. Maybe. Kevin Cramer’s face is worth a thousand of something. “But Donnie brought me to the prom, and now he’s standing with that short red-headed vixen,” is likely what he was thinking. The photo was taken May 24, 2018. I’ll explain why that matters in a bit. Personally, I never want to …
To review: Rob Port is a blogger. It’s his calling, I guess. And Port writes plenty of things that just aren’t so. Fictional, as the English language puts it. I assume he tells the same stories on the radio, but the pitch of his voice makes my toenails recede. Furthermore, Kevin Cramer’s loyal basset hound is not an expert on …
It’s been quite an effing darn protracted loopy eon since “quick-draw” Kevin Cramer pushed all of his chips onto the fuzzy orange rectangle. Except for the one he ate. It was an odd casino. He’ll tell you that they were communion wafers. KC is religious, he’ll casually mention it, 3,000 times. But they were Cool Ranch Doritos, the most narcotic …
There are many public servants and oil executives to blame for their silence but only Kevin Cramer, Mr. North Dakota way, thinks he deserves a seat in the United States Senate. So, he has to answer for his failures. “It took “more than 1,000 firefighters from 80 different municipalities in Quebec and from six counties in the state of Maine” …