“The first thing we do is, let’s kill all the lawyers.” You might recall that memorable line, uttered by Dick the Butcher, from perhaps the least memorable of Shakespeare’s plays, “Henry VI.” I’ve been thinking about it because I’ve been thinking about lawyers. And governors. It’s been 40 years since North Dakota had a lawyer in the governor’s chair. That …
I’m stuck at home for a few days nursing some bruised-up ribs and a cut-up hand after a tumble in the Bad Lands, but I can type, so I’ll a share a few political thoughts with you in the days leading up to the June 11 North Dakota primary election. Congress First, you need to watch this short two-minute powerful video produced …
This article first appeared in the May issue of High Plains Reader. I am an old man. I have been a politics junkie most of my life. I have been involved in many campaigns, but have not run for office myself. Each time someone has suggested I do that, I tell them the same thing: I will not put my …
It’s almost here. 2024, an election year. I get the feeling that most North Dakotans, like their fellow Americans, shudder at the thought. That’s OK. Politics in America, which I used to call “my favorite spectator sport,” has taken a sad turn away from what used to be the path to the most successful democracy in the world. Elections, too. …
We already know the Trumpublicans are dumbfounded that Joe Biden shot right out of the gate with executive orders that were sure to cause them wicked spleen jimmies. How dare he? The Patriots were genuinely sincere about bipartisan cooperation — as long as the Great White stays at sea — but how can they now after getting dunked on by Biden? Sen. …
This whole situation with the U.S. Postal Service baffles me. We have a U.S. Postal Service for the same reason we have a National Defense, an Interstate Highway System or the TSA. It is part of the mechanics of running a country. There is a charge for the services we receive when we mail packages or post a letter, but …
Were we — the state of North Dakota — seriously obligated to wait for Donald Trump to finish bungling the initial response to the Novel Coronavirus before we — the state of North Dakota — acted aggressively to combat the virus? The necessary information was public, and the experts were screaming and blowing air horns at policymakers since January. Was any state required to …
Like the humble Rob Port, who brags that his defunct blog was “part of the fabric” (Only argali wool thread for Rep. Rick Becker) of “politics in North Dakota,” the unassuming Donald Trump also can’t be steam-cleaned out of the democratic socialist manufactured couch sitting by the capitalist Coke machine in the breakroom of our socialist State Mill. That’s because …
On Wednesday, North Dakota Congressman Kelly Armstrong (Cult45 —Bastiat Chapter) found his inner Kevin Cramer and spat out this chewed up olive pit: “We have the alleged victim of quid pro quo, bribery, extortion — whatever we’re dealing with now today — repeatedly and adamantly shouting from the rooftops that he never felt pressure, that he was not the victim …
“As some of you may have noticed before the formalities took the cocktail weenies right out of my mouth, I’m presently talking more like a normal person to give my jowls a rest. Do not be alarmed. It’s not easy to mimic the look of having no bones or teeth below the nose. Just lips and skin. It makes me …
What the hell is going on? Why isn’t Congressman Kelly Armstrong patriotically leaking the great impeachment news — that the lamestream media refuses to report — that would exonerate Donald Trump of airtight charges stemming from a super successful witch hunt? The congressman is sitting right there as the “never Trumpers” testify. It’s the least he can do if he were …
In the year 2000, the Supreme Court installed George W. Bush into the presidency and it blew the call in multiple ways. Bush was/is an intellectual wisp in his own family, a lazy POTUS and easily manipulated by sociopathic jamokes like Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, Roger Ailes and Dick Cheney. When the Supremes stopped the count and the bizarre chad …
Well, we watched our right-wing terror network working out some frustration in El Paso, Texas, plus the American terrorists currently listed as agnostic that shot up Gilroy, Calif., Dayton, Ohio, and those coming soon to your neck of the woods. And that was on top of our regular body count. Flags were lowered. The usual suspects drew their swords in …
Soon after his impossibly fat pitch got hit into the center-field stands by the former director of the CIA, Kelly Armstrong found himself talking to NBC’s Chuck Todd. He was near giddy. Kelly figures war hero Bob pulled a fast one with his special council report and he can’t wait to tell skeptical Chuck. Baghdad Bobby Barr isn’t even spinning …
“This isn’t about political affiliation,” Congressman Kelly Armstrong told Chuck Todd with a straight face after A-Stro questioned Robert Mueller’s military hero grade integrity in front of a national audience. The Cult Commissioner told Kelly to “hit the old man in the face with a dead squid.” The live ones can get unruly and might swallow a cat. So he …
A weird child tells Piers Morgan the darndest things about his just-funny-to-him meeting with Prince Charles: “I think I was yeah, we had a great conversation and it was about you would call it climate change but yeah I think we had a very very good conversation.” — Donald J. Trump We “all” call it climate change, Fonzie. Global warming is …
Washington Gov. Jay Inslee’s office recently received a terse letter from Sen. John Hoeven, Sen. Kevin Cramer and Rep. Kelly Armstrong, the most powerful set of unrelated triplets in North Dakota. The crowd roars. I don’t think Inslee honestly gives a rip, but he might admire their optimism. The super important envelope is surely somewhere on the governor’s desk, likely …
It’s terrible. The president is an asshole and his poll numbers go up in unison with his every act of ignorant cruelty. That’s one of those “known knowns.” And maybe, “known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.” And I thought Donald Rumsfeld was a dick. Now, this odd character just entered. …
Fear not, if you were worried that Kelly Armstrong’s feet wouldn’t be small enough to fit into Kevin Cramer’s shoes. The wingtips feel fine. No room for growth, so perfect. Like Cramer and many others in his party, Armstrong will follow Donald Trump into the always popular “obese size” executive time tanning bed slash toaster oven to retrieve an unknown …
Since the Fargo Forum’s shill for the overdog and slacker political pundit, who refers to himself as a humble observer and the most influential political blogger in North Dakota, isn’t being humble or most influential, he obviously isn’t up to his own hype and requires a hand. Need an example? “Port: State lawmakers should be wary of their own revenue …
“If Heidi Heitkamp loses, what is Forum columnist Rob Port going to write about over the next six years?” — Jim Shaw It’s always the kids who suffer the most unless they’re surrounded by metal chain-link fencing which is as insufferable as it gets according to senator to be Kevin Cramer an expert on child confinement for some reason. After six …
OK, against my better judgment, again, I’m going to weigh in on the 2018 election, just more than a week hence. Here goes. I told Democratic-NPL Congressional candidate Mac Schneider on Thursday that if Heidi Heitkamp wins re-election to the U.S. Senate on Nov. 6, he can expect to head to Washington, D.C., with her, as our next U.S. congressman. …