I’m not so sure about this whole family reunion deal. For one thing, it’s kind of a voluntary admission that I’m related to these people. That’s borderline masochism. And I was raised Lutheran. Sure, I’ll take one for the team and show up for the funeral if one of the Benders tips over. There’s actually a perverse sense of relief …
“Have a happy Fourth of July,” he said. “Have a good Independence Day,” I responded for the third time that day. Because we forget forget too easily what Independence Day is about, how the United States of America was born, who we set out to be, and more importantly, who we have become. We are urged each December to “remember …
I’ve been thinking about my dad. It’s been 24 years since he died, so when I think about him these days, it’s not about the way it ended — cancer — but about the way he lived and lives on in the stories I tell my kids. He would have loved them and they him. India and I went to …
I was reminded by an e-mail from a friend that May 31 marked the eighth anniversary of Dr. George Tiller’s assassination. I realized then that it was time for me to finally write about the reality that life is rarely starkly black and white but a palate of grays. I still remember the wail I heard from the cell phone …
The next help wanted ad we run will go something like this: “JOURNALIST NEEDED: Must have strong language skills, a willingness to ask hard questions and be able to take a punch.” After Greg Gianforte, U.S. Rep.-elect from Montana, body-slammed Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs last week, it became clear the trail blazed by Jesse “The Body” Ventura in 1998 had …
Just four short months after trading in Kenyan Socialism for Russian Communism with a dollop of South American Style Authoritarianism thrown in for good measure — more bananas, please — it’s time to assess just how super- duper great America has become again. And you slackers thought you were going to make it to Memorial Day without a test? Dream …
As a member of the Drive-By, Fake News, Pinko, Socialist, Leftist, Apologist, UnAmerican, Blame-America-First, Liberal Media, I have been checking my mailbox for the interrogation letter U.S. Rep. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., sent out the other day to suspected enemies of the state — you know, ABC, CBS and NBC. He is concerned about the liberal slant of facts. Kevin, he’s …
What the hell. What am I supposed to do with this mess? I try. I look out at the world, read the news and try to find the bright side. When someone pees in my cornflakes I say, “That’s all right, I don’t like cornflakes, anyway.” But when in Russia, do as the Russians do. I don’t actually hate cornflakes. …
I’m exhausted from winning so much. America is so great again. Stop it already. My trophy case is full. Sure, a lot of people think the House of Representatives didn’t have the votes to pass health care reform last week, but when you factor in the Electoral Collage, it was a huge win. Yuuuge. You should have seen everyone coming …
I just realized my microwave popcorn is actually popping out Morse code — in Russian. If I’m translating correctly and, admittedly, my decoding skills are rusty, Pootie wants me to drop some d-CON into someone’s latte. Or maybe the word is DEFCON. I may have missed a dot or a dash. Probably no big deal. Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe. I’ve become suspicious …
It’s almost halftime at the North Dakota Legislature, so last week I went to the state Capitol to monitor progress. I represented The Ashley Tribune and The Wishek Star as Newspapers of the Day, a program sponsored by the North Dakota Newspaper Association to foster better relations between the press and legislators. I guess I was an ambassador of good …
I keep thinking that if Rip Van Winkle woke up this week, he’d crush up a bottle of Ambien and snort it all. It’s getting weird out there, and we’re only in the third week of America being great again. We’ve banned, unbanned and then banned Muslims again, according to tweets from the White House. The president and his press …
After serving four decades in the North Dakota Legislature, William “Billy” Kretschmar no longer has a seat in the House chambers. What the Venturia resident does have is perspective and more than a few thoughts on the state of politics today. Kretschmar (on left in above photo), who was first elected to the House of Representatives as a Republican in …
You are being rescued. Republican state legislators are taking North Dakota back. From themselves. In the immortal words of Stevie Wonder, who used to be a legislator from District 28, “Don’t you worry ’bout a thing, Pretty Mama.” And let me tell you, Al Carlson, another blind legislator, hates being called Pretty Mama. The mama part, anyway. There’s a lot …
If you’ve been following news coverage about the pipeline, stop it right now. Especially if you’re watching national and international news. What do professional journalists know that Facebook doesn’t? Now that the Army Corps of Engineers has denied permission to cross Lake Oahe, north of Standing Rock, based on foolish environmental concerns and a flawed process, some suggest the protesters …
I’m going to end the suspense right now. No one died from my Thanksgiving Day dinner. I did not realize that for the many years I have been making turkeys for the holidays, I have been putting people in mortal danger. I’m probably in denial about the very real possibility there has been significant loss of life due to my …
Hi folks, it’s me, your intrepid reporter. You know, a member of the lame stream drive-by media. One of the people complicating the system with facts and research. Fortunately, many voters were able to see through that mask of deception and elect Donald Trump as president. I just got word. The Enlightenment is upon us. Here, in the bunker, reception …
By the time you read this, the world will probably have ended. Not that I’m against that. I am convinced that 65 million years ago, faced with an election between a T-Rex and a Velociraptor, all the other dinosaurs prayed for that sweet meteor of death to strike the planet. But since I will send this column out to newspapers …
Grand Old Party Born March 20, 1854 Died October 9, 2016 Epitaph: “Victim of Cowardice” Dearly beloved, we are called here to mourn the passing of the Republican Party, a tragic victim of cowardice. Do not be fooled by the dead-eyed zombie shuffling toward the election. Its heart stopped working long ago. A party that knew right from wrong, people …
UNDERGROUND BUNKER, MCINTOSH COUNTY, N.D. — Hi folks, it’s your intrepid reporter. I’m still hunkered down, clinging to my guns and my Sports Illustrated. I don’t care if we’re in a State of Emergency. (Play ominous organ music here.) It’s football season. In that regard, it is a personal emergency. My fantasy football team is so iffy, I may be …
If you think you’re up to speed after a two-minute segment on the news and a Facebook meme about the pipeline, here’s your reality check. The purchase of the Cannonball Ranch by Dakota Access Pipeline exposes more of billionaire Kelcy Warren’s Machiavellian relentlessness. He ordered a sacred burial site bulldozed, brought in attack dogs to defend the destruction, and now …
You’re wondering why a small-town newspaperman has invested so much time covering a pipeline protest across the river? Because this is a global, national and local issue right in our backyard. Our rural water comes from the spot near the pipeline’s path, a violation of the state’s Source Water Protection Program and another sign the state’s regulatory process is a …
In America, where protest is in our DNA, suddenly it’s a limited option. Presumably, you can still dress up as a Native American, commandeer a British freighter and throw tea overboard, you just can’t be a real Native American in the process. Oh my, a whole bunch of Native Americans are camped at Cannonball, N.D., praying for God to smite …
Here are some facts that you won’t hear from the pipeline shills and propagandists: • The tribe was not offered millions to allow the pipeline. That planted rumor was denied by Dakota Access Pipeline folks themselves. A stupid rumor considering the pipeline follows an established corridor. • The tribes were consulted by the U.S. Army Corps on the water. Nope. …
Yes, journalists can be arrested for trespass. However, when you single out reporters as an intimidation tactic — a warning shot — to try to suppress media coverage, that’s not even America, anymore. Those cameras, following a huge evolving story in North Dakota near the Standing Rock Reservation, kept everyone on the scene safe with their presence. How would hired …
The following is a report on the events that are unfolding south of Mandan, N.D., near the boundary of the Standing Rock Indian Reservation. The story is by Tony Bender and his son, Dylan, and appeared today in the Ashley (N.D.) Tribune and Wishek (N.D.) Star. The accompanying video was shot by Dylan, who is a student at Bismarck State College. An …
Side note: My son, Dylan and I covered the protest yesterday. Dylan was videoing for a Bismarck State College news report and was in the thick of things. He didn’t get bitten or pepper sprayed, but many did. MSNBC asked for his footage. Dylan is my new hero. Amy Goodman, Democracy NOW!, was on site. I am working on a …
Hate devours everything around it and, eventually, the haters, too. Twelve white officers down in Dallas. Five dead. Two more black men dead at the hands of the police. Are we talking, yet? Sure, we are. Past each other, seeing everything in black and white, when it’s much more complicated than that. For a start, let’s stop patting ourselves on …
If the sun wasn’t as bright Friday, if the moon seemed morose, if the stars seemed muted, it’s because the the world is less than it once was. That which is irreplaceable is gone. An expanse of soul, poetry, conscience, heart and humor have left us. I loved Muhammad Ali. I embraced him when I was in junior high, a …
Dear Doug Burgum, You’re killing me. How can you be an outsider who is going to break up the good old boy network when you keep acting like an insider good old boy? So all it takes to get your support is an “R” behind the name? (See Donald Trump.) You’ll endorse a cartoon character for president just because you …