TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — Make America Great Again Quiz

Just four short months after trading in Kenyan Socialism for Russian Communism with a dollop of South American Style Authoritarianism thrown in for good measure — more bananas, please — it’s time to assess just how super- duper great America has become again.

And you slackers thought you were going to make it to Memorial Day without a test? Dream on.

1. Former N.Y. Congressman Anthony Weiner recently was convicted of texting pictures of:

a. His Anthony.

b. The Washington Monument.

c. The Leaning Tower of Pisa.

d. French Bread.

2. President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey because:

a. Of what he did to Trump’s BFF Hillary.

b. Failed to bring in Bonnie and Clyde.

c. He’s pretty sure Gary Busey can do a better job.

d. Comey doesn’t accept rubles.

3. Former Fox News CEO Roger Ailes died last week  …

a. So a moment of respectful silence please. Long enough.

b. So skirts at Fox News were lowered to half-staff.

c. When his prodigal conscience unexpectedly turned up.

d. Because Rupurt Murdoch won’t stand for a drop in ratings.

4. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer was recently spotted behind the bushes:

a. Retrieving Trump’s errant tee shot.

b. Looking for Waldo.

c. Searching for the rest of the inaugural crowd.

d. Watering the begonias.

5. Accomplishments of the North Dakota Republican Legislative Supermajority:

a. Saved the Senate from denim.

b. Heroically raised your property taxes to save out of state billionaires.

c. Took candy from babies.

d. Roasted the last unicorn for a fundraiser.

6. An irate citizen did this to Congressman Kevin Cramer at a recent town hall meeting:

a. Stuffed money in his collar.

b. Stuffed money in his G-String.

c. Tried to feed him lime Jell-O with grated carrots.

d. Spoke very slowly in short declarative sentences, so he could follow along.

7. Under the proposed Republican health care overhaul:

a. Nursing home residents will spin the bottle to see who gets the oxygen mask.

b. Insurance companies won’t have to use a condom.

c. More leeches.

d. Meet your new surgeon general, Dr. Zhivago.

8. Donald Trump’s favorite president:

a. Himself.

b. Andrew Jackson.

c. Frederick Douglass.

d. Putin.

9. I’m proud to be an American because:

a. At least I know I’m free.

b. At least I know The Rapture will solve everything.

c. At least I ain’t no Muslim.

d. Guns.

10. What N.D. House Majority Leader Al Carlson does when he’s not in the Legislature:

a. Prank calls the governor and asks if his refrigerator is running.

b. Naked goat sacrifices under a full moon.

c. Crochets.

d. He’s Batman.

BONUS. An actual tweet from the president:

a. “Since I’ve been president, not a peep out of West Korea.”

b. “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”

c. “Why don’t we prime the pump? Sad!”

d. “Has anyone seen my armada?”

Answers: 1. a; 2. b; 3. b; 4. c; 5. a; 6. d; 7. a; 8. c; 9. b; 10. d; BONUS: b.

Grading: 11-10 correct: Fine. Like the world needed another pointy-headed liberal. 9-8 correct: Salutatorian ain’t a bad thing. 6-7 correct: No problem. We’re grading on a curve. 4-5 correct: Blame it on Fake News. 0-3 correct: Rest easy. You’re still a shoo-in for Trump University.

© Tony Bender, 2017

2 thoughts on “TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — Make America Great Again Quiz”

  • Mark Holty May 29, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    Like your work Tony

  • Laura Hulst May 29, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    Circus of the Absurd…thank-you , Tony, for helping us laugh at all of this.


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