Hey slackers, did you really think you were going to get away without a current events review before the semester ends? Oh, no — Jim Acosta is back, so you know the fake news spigot is going to be running wide open. Pull up a desk, kids, stow the cell phone, grab a No. 2 pencil, eyes straight ahead and …
I had a pretty good week. My lawyer, Sly M. Ball didn’t get raided, and his paper shredder is working just fine. It’s powered by a V-8 Cummins, which gets terrible mileage, but thanks to the rollback of fuel efficiency standards, he won’t have to deal with a solar-powered model. The problem there is twofold. First of all, most of …
“But how is this legal plunder to be identified? Quite simply. See if the law takes from some persons what belongs to them and gives it to other persons to whom it does not belong. See if the law benefits one citizen at the expense of another by doing what the citizen himself cannot do without committing a crime.” ― …
This one is for North Dakotans — and those who follow North Dakota politics. I received an e-mail this week from some thoughtful person who thought I might be interested in a fundraising event for State Rep. Al Carlson, the Republican legislative leader. Turns out I wasn’t interested in the fundraiser, but I was interested in the e-mail. The e-mail, which …
The next help wanted ad we run will go something like this: “JOURNALIST NEEDED: Must have strong language skills, a willingness to ask hard questions and be able to take a punch.” After Greg Gianforte, U.S. Rep.-elect from Montana, body-slammed Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs last week, it became clear the trail blazed by Jesse “The Body” Ventura in 1998 had …
Just four short months after trading in Kenyan Socialism for Russian Communism with a dollop of South American Style Authoritarianism thrown in for good measure — more bananas, please — it’s time to assess just how super- duper great America has become again. And you slackers thought you were going to make it to Memorial Day without a test? Dream …
I’m exhausted from winning so much. America is so great again. Stop it already. My trophy case is full. Sure, a lot of people think the House of Representatives didn’t have the votes to pass health care reform last week, but when you factor in the Electoral Collage, it was a huge win. Yuuuge. You should have seen everyone coming …
I just realized my microwave popcorn is actually popping out Morse code — in Russian. If I’m translating correctly and, admittedly, my decoding skills are rusty, Pootie wants me to drop some d-CON into someone’s latte. Or maybe the word is DEFCON. I may have missed a dot or a dash. Probably no big deal. Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe. I’ve become suspicious …
I’m wondering if there is something in the air, or if it’s only me. A demand is made for an investigation into communications between the Russians and members of the Trump administration. In the world I live in, I wouldn’t object at all if there was nothing to the matter. I’d tell the complainers, “Have at it!” I would know …
It’s almost halftime at the North Dakota Legislature, so last week I went to the state Capitol to monitor progress. I represented The Ashley Tribune and The Wishek Star as Newspapers of the Day, a program sponsored by the North Dakota Newspaper Association to foster better relations between the press and legislators. I guess I was an ambassador of good …
I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m an angry lib!@$#. And I’m hardly the only one. A serial liar is President Trump, which I find disconcerting, but it doesn’t bother smarmy Congressman Kevin Cramer, the whole of the North Dakota GOP, and 39 percent of Americans. Maybe some haven’t heard the news, and maybe some think all news is fake because the …
I’ve been called many things in the last half-century. I suppose “shallow’ has gone on the longest, since it’s so clever. Adults still jab me with that mortal Italian dagger wit — I can barely feel the blade filet my … spleen? I went by “crash” for a time, which was neither derogatory or complimentary. Simply fact that need not …
It’s hard to keep up with the North Dakota Legislature, since the idiotic bills shoot out faster than Donald Trump running from a Syrian toddler. The kid was “yuge.” Believe me. Then, you add in the daily hijinks and lies of our new administration in D.C., and you have a bottomless stockpot of rancid confusing soup and a small slotted …
You are being rescued. Republican state legislators are taking North Dakota back. From themselves. In the immortal words of Stevie Wonder, who used to be a legislator from District 28, “Don’t you worry ’bout a thing, Pretty Mama.” And let me tell you, Al Carlson, another blind legislator, hates being called Pretty Mama. The mama part, anyway. There’s a lot …
“Orv, are you still fuming about not being invited to perform at the inauguration?” asks Stan. “You can still do that thing, right? Very entertaining, as I don’t recall. Was it a card trick? Was it an egg yoke? Hee hee.”” “I told you to shut up,” grouses Orville. “I’m busy drinking and thinking.” “That was three minutes ago, if …
Stan shuffles up to the bar and bellows, “Merry Christmas, Orv?” No answer. Stan looks closer at the man sitting on the stool. “Wait a goddam minute, here. You’re not Orville. Who the hell are you, and why are you sitting in Orv’s spot?” “Mark. I don’t know any Orv.” Stanley is flummoxed, until Orv barks, “I’m over her, you …
Hi folks, it’s me, your intrepid reporter. You know, a member of the lame stream drive-by media. One of the people complicating the system with facts and research. Fortunately, many voters were able to see through that mask of deception and elect Donald Trump as president. I just got word. The Enlightenment is upon us. Here, in the bunker, reception …
It’s time for the GOP, both nationally and in North Dakota, to invest in some funding and common sense so that they can get their elevator out of the basement in a 10-story building. Der Fuhrer Trump once again showed his detachment from common sense when he released the names and photos of his nine financial advisers. All of them …
It’s becoming difficult to determine whether many people are the new “normal,” bigoted, uninformed, fully informed, hateful, uncaring or just plain stupid. I’m referring to the uproar surrounding the U.S. attorney general taking action to enforce the constitutional rights of transgender people. Unlike the uninformed believe, being transgender is an act of birth, the same as being gay or lesbian. …