Unheralded

RON SCHALOW — In Defense Of The Mythical Burger Flipper

Mop a mile in my skilled shoes. I’ve wet mopped (soaked and soapy) a distance equal to the miles between Regina, Sask., and Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, 14 miles wide, and then went back over it with a dry mop to remove the soapy dirty water and leave the floor free of footprints. It could take two passes. Craftsmanship …


Unheralded

RON SCHALOW — Meet The Bastiats

“But how is this legal plunder to be identified? Quite simply. See if the law takes from some persons what belongs to them and gives it to other persons to whom it does not belong. See if the law benefits one citizen at the expense of another by doing what the citizen himself cannot do without committing a crime.” ― …


RON SCHALOW: Partners in Slime

I’m all a flutter waiting on Kevin Cramer’s big decision. Actually, my heart does have a slight flutter. I should have that looked at. Anyway, our lone congressman needs to decide whether to run against Heidi Heitkamp for her Senate seat, or shoot for another two years in Congress. Anyway, the Cong … Whoa. Wait. Cramer just decided he wants to …

RON SCHALOW: The Usual Suspects

“How did you find me?” hollers Orville, and grumbles, “You skinny, long-haired, libturd. You just can’t leave me in peace, can you?” Stanley looks around. “This was the only bar in town with a yacht in the parking lot, with plates that said BIG ORV on them. Stealthy. This joint is much nicer than your last haunt. I see they’ve …

RON SCHALOW: Kevin Cramer Must Go — Part 2

The last time we checked in with Congressman Kevin Cramer, he had recently voted for a health care bill that was so deplorably cruel, even Donald Trump called it “mean.” And old road kill cranium has skimmed charity dollars from kids with cancer, so that’s saying something. Who read the bill to the president is anybody’s guess. On May 6, …

RON SCHALOW: Oley’s Naked Gun Pander

Just in case the few hombres who feel the need — some have legitimate reasons — to carry a concealed pistol underneath their cardigan while walking the street of Pisek were thinking that the Republicans in the Legislature hadn’t gone the full mile, to fulfill their every whim, they need not worry. Minot Sen. Oley Larsen stepped up his game. …

RON SCHALOW: The Fake Language Of Hate

I’ve been called many things in the last half-century. I suppose “shallow’ has gone on the longest, since it’s so clever. Adults still jab me with that mortal Italian dagger wit — I can barely feel the blade filet my … spleen? I went by “crash” for a time, which was neither derogatory or complimentary. Simply fact that need not …

RON SCHALOW: Liberty Loving Legislators

It’s hard to keep up with the North Dakota Legislature, since the idiotic bills shoot out faster than Donald Trump running from a Syrian toddler. The kid was “yuge.” Believe me. Then, you add in the daily hijinks and lies of our new administration in D.C., and you have a bottomless stockpot of rancid confusing soup and a small slotted …

Ron Schalow — Don’t Feed the Legislators

Stan shuffles up to the bar and bellows, “Merry Christmas, Orv?” No answer. Stan looks closer at the man sitting on the stool. “Wait a goddam minute, here. You’re not Orville. Who the hell are you, and why are you sitting in Orv’s spot?” “Mark. I don’t know any Orv.” Stanley is flummoxed, until Orv barks, “I’m over her, you …