RON SCHALOW: The Sinking Of Bismarck

Well, the liberals did it now. “Human scum,” if you prefer. How are we going to pay for THIS? How are we going to put a price on human life this time?

Burleigh County, 1,668 mostly empty square miles, is willing to accept a whole 25 refugees from probably not Northern Europe. What an imposition on somebody somewhere in that expanse for some reason.

In my opinion, 5,000 people could live comfortably in a neighborhood one square mile in size. But we’re picky now, I guess. If I notice an uptick in our quality of people, I’ll notify the ringleaders. Except for Gandalf Trump. He’s not a fan of reading, as you can tell by his freestyle ruminations about a sad little water drop, which was mostly alone, but alas the drop could not beat physics and could not hit the greatest president’s toes.

Let’s light the Tiki torches — if that’s your thing — and get indignant, whatever your thing.

Whatever their country, the U.S. has possibly bombed it, pulled a shock and awe on it or let an ally be attacked on it. We’ve helped force millions of people from their homelands. Others are being persecuted in their own countries, but their tormenters offer cheap labor, so, you know.

But we’re full, so move along.

Central America can credit much of its violence to America’s role as the main market for South American cocaine. And drug violence begets all kinds of ancillary dangers, including murder and mandatory crime for the kids. They grow up so fast, sometimes.

Great beaches, though.

So 25 people? I suppose we can find a nook for a mob like that SOMEwhere. Maybe there are a few square feet out by Balwin.

Or, actually, we don’t need to worry about space issues or anything else because these particular people are quite capable. How could they not be?

But “they” meaning “Bismarck” didn’t see any molecular changes in attitude simply because five people have a 3-2 vote in favor of American values.

Nothing has changed.

Whatever minority percent — that’s my hope — was hostile to these unknown 25 before the vote hasn’t changed.

Don’t spread this around, but I’ve resettled in Bismarck — then left due to a short attention span — a number of times and no one even noticed. Was it a series of oversights?

I could have been a felon, as far as they knew. I wasn’t a felon, but I could have been. I had the moves. Recently, a guy in Fargo robbed an Erbert’s and Gerbert’s on a Wednesday night — who wants to stand in line? — with a gun, then got nabbed in an Uber. I could have done crime much better.

And I would have appreciated some overwrought vitriol hurled in my direction. I’m fine with the level these days. “What is this bastard going to cost each of us?” or at least, “Has this rube been vetted? He could be a rube. I think he’s a rube of some sort.”

I could have posed real trouble. I might have been a danger to myself, and unwinding a mind is a huge expense. I may have been a crazed serial flusher.

And I’ve visited or drove through Bismarck many times, and not always on purpose. Still no inquisitions. Still no vetting.

When I was young, we would go to state basketball tournaments in Bismarck when the Civic Center and Kirkwood Mall were still modern marvels.

In 1973, with no three-pointer, I watched Nate Archambault and Robert Eaglestaff of Clark Swisher’s Fort Yates team come back from a 10-point deficit with 60 seconds left, tie the game and go on to beat Minot High School in three overtimes. I’ve been scarred since and had stabbing pains more recently when I found out that Rob Port also graduated from MHS. I can imagine him waddling around there and shudder.

Archambault chucked one up from half court and TV’s Jim Adelson probably yelled, “From the locker roooom!” Then came the requisite pandemonium. Had the game happened recently, the jet-black haired boys might have been charged with rioting late in the fourth quarter and doused with cold water and mace.

“All we’re concerned about is the money,” claimed the mayor and the king of the kooky Bastiat’s in the Legislature. “What money? ”smarter people ask since more taxpayers are a plus in the ledger.

So, naturally, they’ll spend money to track the costs of the “Bismarck 25.” Good hell, that’s a swell idea. Let’s track everyone, including Mayor Bakken and Rep. Rick Becker. What kind of bills are they running up?

But if cash is short in the Capitol City and humanity is not a factor, and it doesn’t appear to be, let’s get crazier.

We need more banning, except for single-use plastics — the Legislature says we can’t because Karlsruhe might switch to biodegradable paper straws and the whole state would be confused.

Ban all dogs and watch the dog-related expenditures melt away. Cop calls, lawn repair, stinky trees, the leash police, catching costs and lots of over-smelt stuff that can’t be unsmelt. (I think some/many/most humans are lesser beings than the average dog, but I’m not comparing refugees to dogs.)

Senior citizens cost a mint. Those little buses and vans aren’t free. Senior centers, senior discounts and señor Trump is very expensive what with the golfing and the farm killing tariffs.

Then, you have to accommodate the handicapped. Ramp this, ramp that, widen toilet stalls — it never ends.

North Dakota has been begging for more residents since I’ve been alive. Now more people are a burden for some reason. I wish I were confused about those mood swings.

But soon, as the carbon pushes us even warmer, people will move from the unhabitable places to habitable places. It’s uncomplicated. And Donnie’s cute little fence isn’t going to stop migration from happening if the U.S. is one of the least chewed up places.

Just the migration to this state from the coastal areas in our own country will be enough to make a red cap melt. They’ll be moving on up to the east side of Bismarck all the way to Jamestown.

For those who crossover on my Venn diagram: So keep up the denial and slowing down a full-blown government effort to deal with manmade — a dog would never have done this — climate change and you’ll need turnstiles on U.S. Highway 83 and Interstate 94.

One thought on “RON SCHALOW: The Sinking Of Bismarck”

  • Alan Webster December 12, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    Well done!


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