I’m no psychologist, but Republicans seem unnaturally obsessed with New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. They’ve spent an inordinate amount of time telling everyone what an inconsequential airhead she is. She was dismissed as “a little girl” by GOP strategist Ed Rollins. I dunno, a 29-year-old knocking off a 10-term incumbent sounds consequential to me, but then I find Tomi Lahren to be one of the deep thinkers of our time.
Why the obsession with Ocasio-Cortez? Fear. If the young-uns take over, anything could happen. According to Psychology Today, conservatives are easily manipulated by fear, which is why politicians repeat ominous words like caravan … leftist … gun control … transgender bathrooms … weapons of mass destruction … and Nancy Pelosi … to keep the flock in line.
Recently, some of the more tightly wound scolds were aghast to discover that not only does Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez espouse extreme concepts like taking care of the poor and elderly and taxing the rich, she dances. That’s right. Dances. No one has challenged the system like this since Kevin Bacon defiled the preacher’s daughter right out there on the dance floor.
I gotta tell you, though, I saw the video, and Ocasio-Cortez can dance — really dance. Maybe she’s not Beyonce-good, but she’s better than Taylor Swift. Not that I should judge. If anyone should be dance-shamed, it’s me. At our wedding, neither of us could dance, so my bride and I clunked around the dance floor like blind milk cows trying to find a stall. With all the stomping and intermittent screams when we stepped on each other’s toes, it sounded like a bar fight. Hard to believe it didn’t work out.
Still, I fervently believe young people should save dancing for marriage. I’m from the Mike Pence School of Parenting. I won’t let my daughter date until she’s 35, and even then she’ll have to be in by 10 p.m. Dancing is pretty much out of the question, and with her genetics, it should be.
The congresswoman from New York may be able to do a mean Hully Gully, but there are some red flags. Let’s start with her name: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Any good patriarch knows that a woman with three names just means trouble. You know who else has three names? Assassins. Lee Harvey Oswald… John Wilkes Booth… Mary Tyler Moore… I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Mary Tyler Moore didn’t kill anyone.” Yeah. That we know of. The point is women with three names are dangerous, and there is a growing number of them in Congress.
They say in Chinese astrology it’s the Year of the Pig — (I’m still writing Year of the Dog on my checks, though) — but it’s really the Year of the Woman. There are now 127 women in Congress, and they can dance if they want to. It’s a scary time for men.
Pelosi is back. She’s tap-dancing circles around the president. Some women are even talking smack. Michigan Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib said, “We’re going to impeach the mother——.” This language shocked Trump followers who have become accustomed to a more genteel style of politics. Lock her up.
Ocasio-Cortez has become the face of the blue wave. Last week, she said that the wealthy should be taxed at 70 percent, a rate that was the norm until Reagan slashed it and saved the destitute rich. A 70 percent tax rate on $10 million a year! How’s a guy supposed to get by? Couldn’t we cut Medicare and Social Security instead? It would be insane to raise taxes just when things are about to trickle down. I say tax the damn dancers.
© Tony Bender, 2019