In America, where protest is in our DNA, suddenly it’s a limited option.
Presumably, you can still dress up as a Native American, commandeer a British freighter and throw tea overboard, you just can’t be a real Native American in the process.
Oh my, a whole bunch of Native Americans are camped at Cannonball, N.D., praying for God to smite a pipeline.
To be fair, there have been 38 arrests. In 5½ months. Out of a camp that’s swelled to as many as 5,000, as people come and go. It’s easy to imagine that, when you count those who have come and gone, tens of thousands of people have protested without getting arrested. As protests go, that’s pathetic.
That hasn’t been the narrative. Here are some of the words and phrases used by officials in recent weeks:
Lt. Gov. Drew Wrigley: “Very serious. Unlawful protest. Complicated and extremely dangerous. Very, very concerning. Hundreds of criminal acts. Life-threatening federal crimes. Talk of weapons. Beyond threatened. That (horse) is an assault with a deadly weapon. Illegal protest action. Endangering themselves, the public and law enforcement. Rumors. Violation. Seriously question. Violence, threats and obstruction. Unlawful, threatening intimidating, dangerous.”
And that’s just one interview with The Grand Forks Herald. Must be some bad-ass praying.
In an interview with Mike McFeely on WDAY-Radio, Wrigley dismissed the idea of state officials meeting on site with the protesters as a show of good faith. With various factions, who would you meet with, he wondered.
Yet, in the Herald interview, he spoke of excellent communication. “We know these folks. Standing Rock Chairman Dave Archambault and the governor speak regularly and comfortably. … There’s a friendship there, or a kinship. …”
I don’t know how many times I have called out the National Guard on my kin. And for good reason. Once, my mom chained herself to the lawnmower.
Point is, the state has excellent noncommunication with activists. Here are some more words and phrases …
Morton County Sheriff’s Department: “Launched a march. Illegally blocked traffic. Became violent. Knives were pulled. Jabbed with a wooden fence post. Eight large knives. Assaulted by protester on a horse. Treated for injuries. More like a riot. Aggression and violence. Unlawful and should not be repeated.”
Heck, that’s a quiet night in Chicago.
After the carnage, amidst the blood and gore depicted in this single report of the storming of the Bastille … “No arrests were made …”
Correction: They issued a warrant for Democracy Now! reporter Amy Goodman, who had the foresight to falsify gigabytes of video just to make it seem like the secondhand reports from paid pipeline security guards might have been, you know, exaggerated.
This dangerous, unlawful, un-American, oil-hating, disrespectful trespassing by reporters has to end. We should get rid of the First Amendment altogether. It doesn’t seem proper gun rights should come second, anyway.
For awhile, I thought the report was about World of Warcraft — or Iwo Jima. Only with women and children jamming their limbs into the mouths of defenseless canines.
I don’t know if anyone planted a flag on a bulldozer, but we know they used flags as lethal weapons of mass destruction against innocent puppies. And we haven’t even touched on the early reports of “pipe bombs” and the sharks with frickin’ laser beams.
The important thing is now the world will be safe from criminal masterminds, like Goodman and graphic artist Jill Stein, who improved her Q rating by spray painting a bulldozer blade pink. Granted, that one will be hard to deny in court.
More arrests may follow. They’re bringing in Mr. Ed for questioning. It’s well-known in equestrian circles he is a devotee of Saul Alinsky.
Sure, some people think the official language might have been inflammatory and counterproductive — maybe even a wee bit hysterical. But who are we to judge?
Heck, not even judges get to judge on this deal.
This kind of unrest is exciting for the troops. After George Armstrong Dalrymple activated the National Guard, gung-ho state officials could be seen walking around with woodies. And some of them have really big hands. There will be no debate about bathroom assignments.
Thus emboldened, the other politicians weighed in. “I’ve been following the situation closely and am awaiting the court’s decision,” Pre-Gov. Doug Burgum said forcefully. “North Dakota needs to be a state of opportunity and welcoming to energy expansion with a safe, smart approach.”
His statement vaulted Burgum into a league of memorable oration with the likes of Churchill, Lincoln, FDR and my cat. It also answered the question climate change scientists have been wrestling with: What happens when a void meets a vacuum?
Burgum seems passionate. Does anyone know how big Doug’s hands are?
I don’t know how long North Dakotans can endure this much unlawful praying. I was there. Trespassing. Vote for me.
The air was so thick with prayers, I swear I heard a voice say, “Lighten up a bit, folks. I got this.” I was in a Spiffy Biff at the time. There was Angel Soft bathroom tissue in there. I think it was a sign. It may have been the voice of God.
It might have been Obama.
1008 © Tony Bender, 2016