ICYMI: Our president willingly offers up the 73rd clue for historians to ponder regarding his emigration. “Fake news. You don’t have this problem with Russia, we have. You don’t have it.” That was Donald “Forest Expert” Trump amiably chatting up Vladimir “The Impaler” Putin for the microphones and sounding too sadly envious — for my taste — in his despair of not …
Fear not, if you were worried that Kelly Armstrong’s feet wouldn’t be small enough to fit into Kevin Cramer’s shoes. The wingtips feel fine. No room for growth, so perfect. Like Cramer and many others in his party, Armstrong will follow Donald Trump into the always popular “obese size” executive time tanning bed slash toaster oven to retrieve an unknown …
Later this month, Donald Trump tells Justin Trudeau to keep those low IQ Canada geese on his side of the loser border. “Or what?” asks the Prime Minister. “We’ll hit them with the tear gas, that’s what, junior. No, wait. I’ll have them lined up and shot. Did you hear that, Trudy? We’re going to shoot them with our guns. …
My first independent post on the Fish — whoopee! No more advertisers squawking about me picking on poor Donald Trump. I get to say what I think, not what others think and not softened to avoid stepping on advertisers’ toes. I used to think that good advertising meant that the advertiser wanted to make its products known, not to control …
My word for the week is “vindictive.” The word is an adjective that means “one who has a strong and unreasonable desire for revenge.” This week, the president went off the charts in his desire to seek revenge. He is the first president in history to demand that security clearance be revoked for the intelligence and law enforcement chiefs of …
It’s been quite an effing darn protracted loopy eon since “quick-draw” Kevin Cramer pushed all of his chips onto the fuzzy orange rectangle. Except for the one he ate. It was an odd casino. He’ll tell you that they were communion wafers. KC is religious, he’ll casually mention it, 3,000 times. But they were Cool Ranch Doritos, the most narcotic …
I had the goofiest dream last night. The president of the United States, in a panic, placed a call to the president of Russia seeking guidance. It went something like this: POTUS: Sarah Sanders, get the Russian president on the line. Don’t call your daddy for permission to make the call. Just call! Sanders: I’m calling on behalf of the …
AIR FORCE ONE ANNOUNCEMENT — “Ladies and gentlemen, we are experiencing some … uh … turbulence. As we continue our steep descent into anarchy, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position and that your seat belt is securely fastened. Before we crash, we’d like you all to fill out this brief questionnaire, …
Brock Long, Trump’s FEMA administrator, wins first place as the most cold-blooded person this week. While emergency supplies have still not been distributed to the citizens of Puerto Rico, and while the people plead for food and clean water; die for lack of medical care because of lack of energy; and basically suffer through the aftermath of the hurricane — …