RON SCHALOW: A Mural Of Greta Versus The Mob

Well, that’s just great. A few villagers got wind of a yet-to-exist innocuous mural with a whiff of science implied, and now we have to inspect all of the art in the state for depictions of Swedes wearing Native jewelry.

It seems the mere thought of a mural featuring a 17-year-old girl got a handful of North Dakota wankers so wound up, photographer Shane Balkowitsch put the kibosh on a Bismarck installation of the piece.

Most of the underinformed don’t know who the young woman is, but when one dog in the neighborhood starts barking, they all join in. Grover the Great Dane isn’t interested in the details.

The drooling angst is over a tasteful photo of world-famous activist Greta Tintin Eleonora Ernman Thunberg standing innocently somewhere outdoors on the Standing Rock Sioux Reservation. It is quite beautiful. The Library of Congress has it archived.

What about Greta infuriates the usual suspects?

Well, she is a she and that’s enough for some. And dumb, at least according to the Inforum’s solidly anchored blog-boy, because the topic of global warming is too complicated for him to grasp, it must be over the head of a stupid girl — although it’s not.

Thunberg is extremely bright — an A student — although I shouldn’t have to say that. She has Asperger syndrome and the syndrome sparks visions of false symptoms in the minds of the insistently ignorant.

What else?

She’s bilingual and a foreigner. That combo bugs some folks.

And Greta’s against greenhouse gases. This is a problem for the North Dakota oil barons and regulators who didn’t undertake the actions necessary to capture the greenhouse gases that won’t fit on an oil train or be accepted by crude oil pipelines, so it’s flared or otherwise given passage into the atmosphere.

Quite a few jamokes are saying that her parents are committing child abuse. Uh-huh. The Swedish authorities must not think so. Greta doesn’t think so.

“Thunberg doesn’t deserve to have her face on somebody’s old brick building in downtown Bismarck.” Who among us really deserves such an honor? Are blank exterior walls a rarity in the Capitol?

“How dare you!” Greta hollered at the U.N., and the science deniers were instantly offended, thinking she was talking to them. “This zealot thinks she’s better educated about the climate situation than us? How dare she?”

Then, the braggadocious carbon shill, Rob Port, chimed in with another poorly researched piece of opinion entitled “People making threats over a Greta Thunberg mural in Bismarck should be ashamed of themselves.”

But Port pulled the old “reasonable headline trick” to suck in gullible birds. But, of course, it was fraudulent, and Rob ends up using 90 percent of his vocabulary to shamelessly mock Thunberg. It was like putting mallard decoys in an oil pit.

When it comes to global warming, Port appears willing to die on oil-soaked laughingstock hill with the rest of the impossible to educate fringe.

Was Port indoctrinated by cranky Koch monks at a secret compound in the Rockies? Who else would try to crack the cueball on Rob’s shoulders?

Is Port being used? Not unless you believe that chimpanzees are legally liable for throwing handfuls of scat at the kids. They damn well should be.

Robbie is also jealous that Thunberg was named Time’s Person of the Year. How dare they? Doesn’t a news magazine know this “is sort of like treating a kid who sputters their way through ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ on a school-issued recorder like they’re the second coming of Mozart?” sputtered Port.

And Port was so alarmed by Thunberg’s visit with some young Natives, he felt compelled to reiterate his fanciful characterization of the NoDAPL protests and post a picture of the one-off fire on state Highway 1806 for the 42nd time.

Thunberg wants to protect your kids, grandkids and hopefully generations of offspring from climate change disasters.

Port is pulling for Aramco, Continental and the other forever polluters of our air and water. It’s profits now, and we’ll put a fresh coat of paint on the Earth when the last bee dies.

“Avoiding climate breakdown will require cathedral thinking. We must lay the foundation while we may not know exactly how to build the ceiling.” — Greta Thunberg


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