RON SCHALOW: Bismarck Grabs More Local Control

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to choose.

So far, because the Legislature said so, no city can conduct a gun buyback, set a minimum wage, take a pistol from a depressed man, ban plastic bags or hold a gay pride parade. The last one is still on their wish list. Kevin Cramer’s office calls every day to complain about the unholy walking in those sporting shoes that those people wear.

Will it be banned to say, “The emperor has some clothes?” That was fun, right? Can we not finish each other’s sentences or say, per se? This could spin out of control.

Most moronically, towns also cannot choose to stop the needlessly explosive Bakken oil trains from rumbling across Broadway because the culprits have more power than us. Around here, being against exploding trains is worse than dancing with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez under a picture of Karl Marx.

So what are we teeny people of the ice fields supposed to do? We’re no match for too many geniuses in the screwdriver’s seat.

Today, they ban us from banning plastic bags for one pack of gum. What’s going to happen tomorrow? Will they put radioactive junk in our backyards because we couldn’t ban one barrel of toxic waste and two dozen chickens per home?

Pretty soon, we won’t need city councils. We’ll just have that one little bespeckled man deciphering messages from central planning at the tiny telegraph office. Gus is his name. No local decision will be allowed to exist according to Luke and Frederic Bastiat in Bismarck. Well, la dee dah. An esteemed dead Frenchmen on the team. Like that shines things up.

And, of course, they have the help of every Dan, Rick and Oley. Maybe Larry. And Seabass, short for Sebastian. Obvie.

“Maybe we should think about …”

“Already banned, Bob. I move for an adjournment. And dismemberment of this worthless council.”


“Either is fine by me, Bob.”

The Legislature will even handle the hatred toward refugees and continue to ignore the racial animus wafting the 60-knot breeze. Let’s concentrate on the angry and armed demographic groups for a change.

Bismarck is attacking local control and individual control by telling everyone that they are great champions for local control. Then, they wait two years for memories to fade and repeat the rhetoric. Then, the next thing you know, they’ve set the green fees for the municipal course and put cups in awkward places, trying to drive up beer sales big time.

Women still won’t be able to see a doctor without an armed guard, which is a bit of a none of your damn business personal control. Tucker Carlson will head all of the woman related departments.

Chew on the first paragraph of HB 1200. I almost had a seizure:

“A BILL for an Act to create and enact section 23-29-07.12 and a new section to chapter 23.1-08 of the North Dakota Century Code, relating to prohibiting a political subdivision from regulating an auxiliary container; to amend and re-enact sections 23-29-03 and 23.1-08-02 of the North Dakota Century Code, relating to the definition of auxiliary container; to provide an effective date; and to provide an expiration date.”

What’s an “auxiliary container,” you ask because nobody has ever used that terminology. “I’ll have some fries in a medium auxiliary container, please.” Or, “Oh great, the auxiliary container is leaking on my primary pants.”

“‘Auxiliary container'” means a bag, cup, bottle, straw or other packaging, whether reusable or single-use, which is:

A. Made of cloth, paper, plastic, corrugated material, aluminum, glass, postconsumer recycled material or a similar material or substrate, including a coated, laminated or multilayer substrate.”

You’re on your own with the substrate.

And don’t forget B:

“B. Designated for transporting, consuming or protecting merchandise, food or beverages from or at a food service or retail facility.”

B concerns me, but I don’t know why, yet. Maybe because it smells like a manufacturer of cheese whistles could use packaging that is even more of an insult to the environment than usual and the cities of Fargo, Bisbee, St. Johns and Carrington would have no voice in the matter, because of HB 1200.

Or there could be no ulterior motive and these guys are just sitting around a liter of Johnnie Walker Black, staring blankly at their Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez poster, thinking about the stuff they could proactively ban.

Next, it will be more things offensive to the far right. Like gay black women, straight brown men and kids not in cages.

They could ban poverty and homelessness, but I think they like it. Our economy is structured to put people into castes.

The Bastiat Caucus went loco over the mere possibility of an auxiliary container being retired by a tyrannical city government. Obviously, the cool level heads are all in Bismarck. The trio representing District 3 in Minot refer to themselves as “the God Squad,” and then it gets silly.

Are you ready to go Bastiat crazy?


HB 1200 Hearing

Senate Political Subdivisions Committee

(3/14/19) at 8:30 a.m.

Red River Room at the Capitol

Tomorrow morning, a hearing will be held for HB 1200, which prohibits local subdivisions from excess regulations on auxiliary containers.

The authority to make these kinds of regulations rests with the state, not political subdivisions. It’s time-consuming enough for citizens to monitor the impact of legislation on their everyday lives. When local political subdivisions start limiting citizen’s freedoms on a monthly or bi-weekly basis, the constant barrage of attacks on personal freedoms will erode our way of life until little remains. Let’s keep this kind of lawmaking where the people can see it.”

What’s attacking our freedom? Feral goats? RINOs? Putting the kibosh on the machete dancing downtown, just when the freedom was beginning to kill fewer people each week?

Have my political subdivisions been constantly attacking my personal freedoms? Not so that I would notice. But if I can’t get a foam takeout container, my freedom will erode my way of life. I’m eroding just fine on my own, thank you.

Whoever wrote that over-the-top Bastiat alert is a tinge overwrought. Winston Churchill wrote less panicky speeches during The Blitz.

“When local political subdivisions start limiting citizen’s freedoms on a monthly or bi-weekly basis, the constant barrage of attacks on personal freedoms will erode our way of life until little remains.”

This statement is insane, especially since the topic is plastic cups. Any professional could put a name to the exact condition in one appointment.

So suck on that you “political subdivisions” of people, who these mooks presume to be stupid, except when you vote for them.

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