RON SCHALOW: Just Say Nyet To Cro-Magnon Cramer

It did not go unreported that Kevin Cramer might run for Senate in 2018, but the news was largely lost in the fog of the scandalous AMC miniseries, “The Case of the White Pantsuits and Other White Outfits,” based on the true story of a primitive male, with a bad combover, and his faithful miniature poodle, Port, named for the fortified wine the holy man uses to give himself Communion.

His other pup, Hennen, is at the vet. The Pomeranian pounded too much port.

Besides being livid at what Port would call a violent riot of white-clothed feminazis — he’s one of those women hating talking dogs — the perpetually befuddled man, not in the yellow hat, was appallingly mortified that the female lawmakers fled the chamber so quickly after the president addressed a joint session of Congress. Some took off their heels and ran for the exits and into waiting Ubers. Nothing left but vapor.

Why, the man stupidly wonders. So, he and Port wander the country looking for clues. It’s quite the mystery. In the meantime, Port broke this story, “A State Senator Cracked a Fart Joke During Floor Debate Today,” which really classed up the InForum website, but the dim duo still hadn’t cracked the riddle of the sprinting woman.

Here’s a clue, Columbo: Perhaps none of the women wanted to be felt up, or indelicately grabbed, by the predator in chief. The weird man may pine to be held close by the large soft piece of $#!*, with the wandering small, smooth hands, but it’s not a pleasant experience for everyone. Being ranked a four by the orange-tinted primate won’t get the peculiar man assaulted any time soon. Sad.


“The at-large congressman from North Dakota also reiterated that he hasn’t ruled out a Senate bid next year for the seat currently held by Democratic Sen. Heidi Heitkamp, and he said Trump has already pledged his support should Cramer decide to run.” — CNN.

It’s good to know that Kevin will have the backing of the Mad King, but it assumes a lot. Six weeks in, Trump is already up to his armpits in borscht, and is cracking under the pressure of three-day weekends, down from his accustomed seven.

DT has been tweeting various lies about Barack Obama — former president of the United States, kind of an important hombre, in case the sleazy birther forgot — and bragging about his golf scores.

His weekly trips to his safe space, the Mar-a-Lago resort, are costing American taxpayers millions, plus an extra half-million per day to keep Melania safe in New York, although you can hardly blame her for wanting time apart from the crude bastage. Plus, the old man hid her passport.

And if Donnie keeps tweeting trash to Arnold Schwarzenegger, Arnie might catch up to him on the back nine one day and squeeze DT’s head until his hair pops off like a fuzzy Dom Perignon cork. Even the Secret Service wouldn’t tell on the Terminator and Danny DeVito’s twin brother.

Becker and the Inglorious Bastiats

Besides, I think Rep. Rick Becker wants the senator job. Something is up. Not since the days of limit-free duck hunting have so many bills been carried by a single individual.

The primary could include Cramer, of the Bat$#!* Crazy Caucus and Becker of the Bastiat Caucus.

Thanks to the Bastiats, grandma can still sell her banana cream pies at the church fundraiser without the nanny state getting involved, as if that would stop her. They say nanny state a lot. Google maps can’t find it, but it seems to make them happy.

They couldn’t get raw milk legalized, though, so our freedoms got sapped, milk-wise, except for the lactose intolerant. We’ll still have buy our unpasteurized milk from those seedy-looking guys who man the corners of inner city Mott. Bring a pickup, or trailer, for faster service. Tipping not required but welcome.

They post on Facebook quite often, Memes featuring quotes of Frederic Bastiat, a Frenchman who died in 1850. He said some smart things, and most of them seem to take shots at the government and people who would be legislators, which seems masochistic. People who hate the government but want to be in it. I guess that schick has worked many decades for Cramer.

This Ludwig character also holds some sway with the Bastiat Caucus:

“Everyone carries a part of society on his shoulders; no one is relieved of his share of responsibility by others. And no one can find a safe way out for himself if society is sweeping toward destruction. Therefore, everyone, in his own interests, must thrust himself vigorously into the intellectual battle. None can stand aside with unconcern; the interest of everyone hangs on the result. Whether he chooses or not, every man is drawn into the great historical struggle, the decisive battle into which our epoch has plunged us.” ― Ludwig von Mises (1881-1973)

Dark quotes like Ludwig’s, — Wiggy to his friends — and the bills they introduced, which are gun-heavy and include issues like homeschooling, milk from the tap, marijuana, overwrought concern about refugees and the elimination of “safe spaces,” just in case they crop up, leads me to believe we have some ideologues on our hands. Namely, Libertarians, who ran as Republicans, so they would get more than twelve votes.

“Interesting or dorky? You decide. Mises, Bastiat, Goldwater, etc. — all on on Rick Becker’s desk in the State House.” From the Bastiat Caucus Facebook page.

There has never been a government that has successfully run on libertarian principles, so there’s that, but Dr. Becker is popular with the far right. It could be the glasses — or his ability to drive while simultaneously streaming his latest update to the troops. Most likely, it’s the guns. Freedom, dude!

A Bastiat Caucus meme:

“Many gun-control advocates really do believe that government regulation and management can solve every social ill. They ignore the realities behind failed experiments such as alcohol prohibition or the war on drugs and instead move on to the latest sexy prohibitionist drive because they sense an opportunity to control one more aspect of daily life.” — Ryan McMaken, Mises Institute

Or maybe some of us just want fewer people to be perforated with high-velocity lead, but whatever.

Becker also tried to free the liquor. According to the manager of his bars:

“So, some of you also know that the owner of our bars and most amazing boss ever happens to be a state legislator. Well, we’ve been working on a bill that would allow license holders to bypass distributors and purchase products that distributors are unwilling pick up. Yes. You read that correctly. GAME CHANGER.”

That bill failed, so we’ll have to manage with the zillion brands of alcohol we already have, and the beer selections are getting out of hand. Freedom averted this time but fewer top shelf bottles to dust saves on the Swiffer sheets.

Finally, this Bastiat Caucus gem:

“Bottom line: American beer is awesome, and Michael Moore is an as$h%le. #BeerIsFreedom”

We know Heitkamp. Don’t we?

Heidi could pull a fast one and switch parties. Allowing coal gruel in the streams? Really? That isn’t going to save the coal industry, anyway. Just because tangerine face doesn’t understand how markets work doesn’t mean you have to jump off the cliff with the bozo. And Ben Carson? Sheesh.

Seeing her in such a close proximity to weasel head made me itch. And there must be a hard to wash off fumes emanating from his odious carcass. It isn’t Old Spice. It’s probably the sweat from some endangered species, that one of his boys shot in a refuge for the filthy wealthy.

I would still crossover to vote for her in a three-way primary, since I wouldn’t vote for the other two on penalty of death — or worse. She will have options, but since Trump is intent on burning the place down, Heidi will remain a D.

Or she could just call it a day, and retire like people do.

Then a very wealthy Democrat, willing to spend his own money, will be needed. It’s a proven winning strategy.

Back to Cramer

How many months will Trump have spent behind bars by the time of the 2018 election, or will he have quit? Will he hang on and wash all of the R’s down the drain like bread crumbs?

45 isn’t right in the head, and defending his abhorrent behavior isn’t normal either. It isn’t a sign of good judgment, which begs the question:

Is Cramer any more fit to be a senator than Trump is to be president? No, he isn’t.

“He (Cramer) called Trump’s speech the best before Congress since President Reagan’s addresses three decades ago.” — E&E Daily

Now, that’s some certifiably insane *&@ $#!*. Dogs aren’t that loyal, even the stupid ones. The deranged riff on women’s fashion didn’t make him seem all that solid, either.

Paraphrasing the Dalai Lama:

“He may not be operating his brain properly.”

Cramer said this, just a handful of years ago: “We’ve normalized perversion and perverted God’s natural law.”

Such a charmer.

But what is Trump, if not a normalized pervert? He used to walk through teen beauty pageant dressing rooms and gawk — because he could, for crissakes! That’s OK with Cramer.

Cramer has always plays the pious one, but his views don’t come from the nonsmiting parts of the Bible. Not the one I read. Jesus, lepers, prostitutes, money-changers, the destitute and the other good stuff. What Would Trump Do? Not words to live by.

The congressman is positively giddy at the prospect of separating people from their health insurance and cutting assistance to the poor and hungry. As Trump’s footrest, he is willing to sacrifice lives, give corporations a greener light to pollute, take health care away from women, keep wages low and fight a woman’s right to choose.

Stained by Trump means being anti-science, lie-accepting, ethically challenged, xenophobic, racist, ignorant, anti-free speech, white nationalistic, Islamophobic, anti-government and a Putin loving bully. That’s OK with Cramer.

45 is narcissistic, offensive, an exaggerator and a megalomaniac. He condescends and is full of jealousy, yet fragile, and a sociopath. That’s OK with Cramer.

Trump has conned people out of thousands with a fake university, and he’s a bilker. He’s bilked his contractors, employees and business partners. There really isn’t enough space — or time — to do the whole list. His promises are worthless, but this is the slop bucket that Kevin Cramer chose to hitch his wagon.

Cramer handles the misogyny and homophobia just wonderfully by himself. He and his wife seem to be on the same page, which is between them, but his cherry- picked biblical views need not be accepted by the voters.

Given the choice between making Bakken oil producers make the mixture they ship by train safer by removing the explosive gases, he sided with big oil over the safety of his people. I asked. He answered. Let the market decide if more people should die. A malleable ideologue. Rare.

He holds a Town Hall one da, and then badmouths the people who attended the next day on the radio, hosted by his pooch Port.

Cramer’s a shill for oil and coal, as are his hounds. He got so excited when Trump mentioned the Dakota Access pipeline, in 45’s first big boy speech, he nearly had a seizure.

He is not a good person. Not a moral being. Not an empathetic individual. Not an honest man. Not an ethical human.

His wife, Kris, tried to help normalize his nutty white fit, but I still don’t know what “We wore plaid,” infers:

“Women in white: the majority of North Dakotans and I understand how you feel. We just lived through eight years of Barack Obama. We wore plaid.” — Kris Cramer

The Cramers could watch any of Obama’s State of the Union and see how the Republicans treated the president. Wearing white is peanuts comparatively.

History will judge this period harshly. That’s OK with Cramer.

I can imagine how one of the forthcoming anti-Cramer ads might go:

Cramer: “Waiter! What is this woman doing in my cream of milk soup?”

Waiter: “She appears to be giving you two fingers — and treading soup, sir.”

Cramer: “Well, I never. This is an obvious attack on President Trump!”

Waiter: “It is?”

Cramer: “And in broad daylight!”

Waiter: “I believe it is just regular daylight, sir.”

Cramer: “Take this away. First, we give them the vote, allow them to dress poorly, and now they want soup and comfortable shoes. When will this insanity end?”

Waiter: “Perhaps when #%&@!’s like you go extinct, sir.”

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