RON SCHALOW: Where We Are Now — Our Sad State Of Affairs

I could start this Fish thing with something less nauseating, but political talk is required this close to an election. It’s a rule — or something.

There’s no point in adding more words to the Trump and Clinton compost pile, but I will anyway.

One is a grabby psychopath pig, that smells like an ugly 4-months dead squid. Or so I’ve heard. There’s been talk. Something potent and odorous is evidently needed to remove the old man’s outer layer of baby Panda frosting before jammie time. Or so I’ve heard. People are talking.

You’re a puppet. No, you’re a puppet.

Anyway, just for emphasis, if the groper were to glance at any of the women in my family, a seven iron would be embedded in his skull just north of his right eyebrow.

And the woman human is qualified to be president. Of this country. Plus, Clinton knows where they hide the coffee filters, doesn’t mess with labeled bag lunches in the fridge, can name both branches of Congress without Google and is less likely to incinerate one of our best cities, just because her manicurist cut a little too close on one of her nasty small hands.

Whoops, better call the governor of Kansas (They’ll be OK without Topeka, right?), or the Grand Vice Ice Lord of Greenland. Cool dude … normally. Denmark was tired of having that big island in the realm, anyway. Mowing it takes forever.

And Bill unknowingly has a chip embedded in one of his appendages, so he can be tracked like a migrating moose, if need be. It need be.

It’s harder to tell what’s going on in North Dakota. That’s been part of our master plan for more than a century, but it’s getting harder to keep a low profile. Other than quietly carrying out our role as a nuclear missile target, our state has minded it’s own business.

Fortunately, our self-proclaimed greatest political pundits, Ollie and Stan, have been busy with other things. They evidently need the Dakota Access pipeline done right damn now — or else. I suspect that one of them; either the easy-to- catch ForumComm blogger, or the easy to outwit KFYR radio clown, will be executed at midnight of December 31, as is the tradition in oil industry circles, if there isn’t a tube running under the river right quick. A stoning can be fun for the whole family, if you have good rocks. Six years old tykes are the best source for the good ones.

Consequently, the pro-DAPL propaganda has been flying around like shrapnel from an exploding Bakken oil train.

Real headline from Rob Port: “Iran’s Supreme Leader Sides With #NoDAPL Protesters.” Port did brilliantly concede, however, that the ayatollah probably didn’t have pure motives.

The Fargo zillionaire, who insists on flaunting his earth-born skin tone and fabulous hair, will be anointed governor, after spending an obnoxious of money in the campaign, not one dime of it necessary.

John Hoeven will remain as one of our senators and nobody will notice. I’ve already forgotten.

In actual political activity, it seems that Congressman Kevin Cramer will only debate challenger Chase Iron Eyes, with either the blogger, or the radio dude, sitting on his lap, or vice versa, depending on the weight disparity. Bones are at stake. It’s pretty much the same deal GW had with the 9/11 Commission. “If Uncle Dick can’t sit really close by me, I’m not coming, so blech!”

The Libertarian, Jack Seaman, gamely shows up for whatever is acceptable to Cramer and will probably be running for the seat every two years until he expires.

Judging by the last debate, Cramer is keen on declaring himself an expert on energy matters and is obviously proud of his role in advising Donald Trump on energy policy.

But when Trump came to Bismarck to talk energy, his speech was widely panned. Is he not listening to his expert, or is Cramer simply an oil industry stooge for Harold Hamm and the like?

The commies at Media Matters compiled remarks from the major newspapers and well-known energy experts and summed up the reaction to Trump’s North Dakota speech thus.

“Media figures have criticized Trump’s claims as “utter nonsense” that “defy free market-forces” and noted that his remarks displayed a “lack of basic knowledge” about the energy industry and were full of “absurd, impossible-to-keep promises.”

Generally speaking, an expert has more than a “basic knowledge” of a subject and has the wits necessary to avoid endorsing an impossibly ignorant dope with a comatose possum on his melon. But little things like that don’t phase our congressman.

Cramer thinks that the science is still out (it’s not) on if whatever the Bakken producers are shipping with the crude in those giant pills explodes. It does. It’s observable. “I refuse to acknowledge that series of towering fire balls.”

No one has been more blindly loyal to a commodity than our pious congressman, who also describes climate change as a religion, formed by ninny “social” scientists, evidently to put another topic off limits at parties. Sports. That’s it.

As for the Legislature.

Rep. Rick Becker, R-Bismarck, is fired up to introduce a “Constitutional Carry” Bill, so citizens can be spared the hell of obtaining a gun permit. When they’re are already in a spitting rage, filling out forms surely isn’t going to calm a guy down. No word on any age restrictions, duel etiquette, or disgruntlement.

Will everyone be required to have something besides a submarine sandwich in their holster? Only your UPS guy knows for sure. And no, we don’t need to see shirtless men posing with their new AR-15s all over Facebook, no matter how cool you are.

In the same vein, Rep. Dwight Kiefert, R-Valley City, still wants guns in our schools, and Muslims and gays someplace else, far away.

Mr. Kiefert has a A++++ rating from the NRA, even though he failed to shoot a man in Ruso just to watch him die. The only man moved to Kongsberg and forgot to leave word at the bar. The Sheriff was gone, too. Bad luck. It cost him another +.

Currently, Republicans are screaming British swear words because the wanker Democrats have accused them of doing something. The tossers. The N.D. GOP did the something, but telling everyone that they lowered taxes for the oil companies, for no apparent reason, makes their gobsmacked bollocks dodgy.

It wasn’t a tax cut, they howl in the letters-to-the-editor, and lonely screams in the night, it was “reform.” They’re steamed, but some smart ass wrote it all down, and the jig is up.

Al Milhous Carlson could have held a vote to revoke the ancient “triggers,” which were installed in another era, and called it day. But Republicans felt they owed something to the oil barons, so they showered them with money, to the tune of millions per month. They wouldn’t accept Barnes and Noble gift cards. Now, our own people in need go without.

There were many times I could have tried the “reform” thing. “Sorry sir. I was just doing a little reforming here.” Never worked.

And we may be getting another (Matt) Ruby in Bismarck, to join the comedy trio of Oley (Larsen), Roscoe (Streyle) and (Dan) Ruby, all from Minot.

Oley is likely still worried about bullies, and it involves marshmallows. Nobody has a clue what he was talking about. He’s a senator, though.

Roscoe will continue to target North Dakota State University President Dean Bresciani like an endangered black rhino. His little helper, Rob Port will assist.

And,Ruby, who doesn’t sound too bright, once said, “Yeah, we’ve heard some instances where there’s been some disasters dealing with railroads. But there’s been disasters dealing with semis and with motorcycles and with vehicles all over this state. Why are we putting the spotlight on railroads and making them to be like they’re some major issue?”

This is an adaptation of the, “well, they could have killed those 33 people with a hammer, or a bat, or a badminton racket, so why are we talking about the gun” rationalization.

This level of crassness and stupidity neatly sums up our state of affairs.

One thought on “RON SCHALOW: Where We Are Now — Our Sad State Of Affairs”

  • Mike Quinn October 22, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    On many occasions I have called into KFYR redneck radio’s talk show. Any disagreemtent with the party line results in ” We gotta go to break now”, They hang up, or talk over you. You are allowed no time to be ” Fair and balanced”.


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