KEVIN GRINDE ― Rhythm Of The Trail: It’s so cold …

Yes, it’s 20 below. So what. In January, zero feels warm. Ten feels balmy. Twenty is sublime. And 32 is shirts and a vest temperature. 

We who live up North deal with stuff like cold with humor, which always makes the world a little warmer.

You’ve probably seen or heard the following It’s So cold jokes, but some of these might be new like today’s fresh arctic breeze.

So, read away. Before we know it, we’ll all look like the guy at the bottom of the page when the weather really gets uncomfortable.

It’s so cold…

Republicans are keeping their hands in their own pockets.

Today I’m looking forward to going outside and chewing my coffee.

It’s so cold I’m going to Caribou and have a latte on a stick.

It’s so cold, my wife spilled hot coffee on me and I thanked her.

At Target, people flock to the walk-in freezer to warm up.

It’s so cold, the cows outside threatened to strike unless they got bras to cover their udders.

I saw a dog frozen to a tree.

I saw two dogs trying to keep each other warm.

And this is a real hoot…

I saw this list about temperatures and human behavior published on a site called Sodahead.com. Funny stuff.

60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat.  People in Minnesota plant gardens.

50 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Duluth sunbathe.

40 above zero: Italian and English cars won’t start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.

32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Bemidji gets thicker.

20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero: People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close the windows.

10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero: Washington D.C. runs out of hot air. People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can’t start the minivan.

60 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in Minnesota start saying … “Cold ’nuff fer ya?”

500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open two hours late

We who live up north would like to believe that, as Vikings Coach Bud Grant said, cold is just a state of mind.

Of course winter is cold. So what. When you go outside, dress for it.

Let’s have fun dealing with this latest arctic blast. It might be the last one of the season.

And if you’re one of the sourpusses who likes to complain, you can always turn up the heat or move.

Far too soon, we will get our heat ― and bugs and humidity. Remember? That’s when many of us smell like the rotting Florida Everglades and look like this.


2 thoughts on “KEVIN GRINDE ― Rhythm Of The Trail: It’s so cold …”

  • Dale Stensgaard January 17, 2016 at 3:35 pm

    Great column and website. Congratulations on yourone-year anniversary. But one thing in the “It’s so cold …” column. In this cold, cows would need bras to cover their udders, not utters.

    1. Kevin Grinde January 17, 2016 at 7:45 pm

      Dale, of course you’re the one out of five who caught this silly mistake and we thank you! Great word editors never die, they just catch more errors.


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