RON SCHALOW: Cramer Mimics Trump — Lies Like a Pro

It’s been quite an effing darn protracted loopy eon since “quick-draw” Kevin Cramer pushed all of  his chips onto the fuzzy orange rectangle. Except for the one he ate. It was an odd casino.

He’ll tell you that they were communion wafers. KC is religious, he’ll casually mention it, 3,000 times. But they were Cool Ranch Doritos, the most narcotic of the Ritos.

Cramer always puts ideology before godliness, though. Helping people in mortal need isn’t something he’s comfortable doing as a lawmaker. Food is for sissies and racoons. Teachings in the liberal Bible are for Sunday pretense.

Little did the congressman care, but Russian technicians were messing with the roulette wheel, and other Russians were populating the Trump campaign and visiting with the ultradeep state Iranians. Deducing that Trump is going to blow the whole thing up, the Iranians are pulling for the mad king.

Dividends took a little longer to development, since Vladimir Putin originally hired a couple of Russian roulette experts, and they showed up, eager to pull some triggers. It was a funny anecdote to share. For one of them. The other was probably due to be poisoned anyway.

Anyhow, the Russians got their act together and fooled enough gullibles to win the bet for Cramer. Thurston Howell III told lies to his pasty white base of Tiki tots and dominated the news with at least 17 stupid/offensive comments per day.

Draft dodger Donnie, the most objectionable polecat in the whole history of this country, became alt-right Kevin’s forever man-crush. It has been magical. Harold Hamm is swell, too

In this dystopian era, where grown men dive over hard plastic furnishings to retrieve a $5 baseball and ideologues run amok and run for Senate, Cramer has decided to run against Hillary, Obama, Schumer (Charles and Amy), Pelosi, LBJ, FDR, DOS and Obamacare. The mystical boogiemen ghosts of bullshit past. Heidi Heitkamp is his actual opponent.

It’s the only way to go, for a congressman, who has nothing to run on, except for his creepy adoration of a racist.

If Cramer stands next to anyone at the urinal, it’s a town hall. If he goes on air with one of the Trump bobos, like Rob Port, Chris Berg or Scott Hennen, it’s a town hall. Then, there is KNOX in Grand Forks, and a true believer with a radio station in Harvey, N.D., by the name of Rick Jensen, I think. Kevin keeps track of every encounter, It’s like bragging about the number of bullheads you fished out of the Mouse River.

Then, there’s the Heidi 💜 Hillary meme, which without irony, the Cramer campaign comes right out and says that because Heidi pulled for Hillary, the most qualified candidate by the width of Don and Rob’s hindquarters, and who spent most of her professional life as a lawyer, advocating for children, Heitkamp no longer has North Dakota values. But the New York sleazeball does. Fifty-seven percent of Americans don’t think he’s honest. Such malarkey.

Is Cramer saying that dishonesty is a North Dakota value? Or adultery? Seems like bad messaging.

Heidi and Hillary are moderates, not that grandma Clinton matters, since she isn’t in the game.

Donnie spent his adulthood mismanaging his inheritance, avoiding STDs, prostituting his last name and cheating as many people out of their money as possible. Trump University wasn’t the half of it.

Cramer is all too oily (Hamm residue) to not intentionally say false stupid things, following in Trump’s clown shoes.

Heidi did not, nor could not, repeal your temporary tax cut. That’s a lie, Kev. The tax scam is permanent for corporations, though.

And all of us were called deplorables. So sad. It’s not true, though. She said half. Evidently, Cramer feels like he and his base are in the basket.

“You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right?” Clinton said. “The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it. And unfortunately there are people like that. And he has lifted them up.”  — Time

Heidi also voted favor of late-term abortion, according to the holy one. Not true either.

There is no such thing.

“Though many media reports and other literature use the phrase ‘late-term abortion,’ it is not accurate and should not be used,” Hal Lawrence, M.D., executive vice president and CEO of ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists ), said in an email. “A full-term pregnancy is defined as a pregnancy with a gestational age between 39 weeks and 40 weeks, 6 days. ‘Late term’ refers to a pregnancy with a gestational age of 41 weeks to 41 weeks, 6 days. Abortions are not performed at ‘late term.’” — Cosmopolitan

How many procedures has Trump paid for? Who could guess? The Yellow Boy has paid his way out of every inconvenience.

Kevin Cramer is a liar and has adopted some cretinous values. More lies will be coming.

I’ll end with a too late suggestion for Will Gardner. Just walk in. Why stand out in the cold?

“I remember putting on my dress really quick because I was like, ‘Oh my god, there’s a man in here,’ ” said Mariah Billado, the former Miss Vermont Teen USA. Trump, she recalled, said something like, “Don’t worry, ladies, I’ve seen it all before.”

TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — Another Kerfuffle

I’d like to begin this week by saying, “That darn Heidi Heitkamp.”

I’m referring, of course, to last week’s column in The Forum in which Mike McFeely ever-so-gently, in his curmudgeonly way, suggested that fellow columnist Rob Port might try writing about someone other than Heidi Heitkamp.

Like maybe Joel Heitkamp. I mean, I ain’t exactly Sherlock Holmes, but if I were going after dirt, I’d start digging in his backyard. Someone once asked Willie Sutton why he robbed banks. “Because that’s where the money is,” he said.

Joel has more skeletons in his closet than Jeffrey Dahmer. Far be it from me to cast aspersions, but I had lunch with him once, and he ordered fava beans and a nice Chianti, and for the record, that’s not even on the menu at Burger King.

It’s true that Rob Port has broken more than a few news stories over the years, but so far, all he has on Heidi is that she cheated at Parcheesi in fifth grade, has too many freckles and is bad at handshakes. Meanwhile, I know for a fact that Joel Heitkamp once robbed Willie Sutton. With an AR-16.

You could write for months just about prom night. There’s a version of the Steele Dossier on the bathroom walls at Hankinson (N.D.) High School. Joel’s senior year reads like “Fifty Shades of What the Hell!?”

But you know what they say — “You can lead a columnist to water, but he probably can’t swim.”

Personally, I refrain from talking about other columnists except for Tammy Swift, who has the cutest curly blonde hair ever. And while I’m at it, I’d like to thank Roxane Salonen for casting out my demons — I’m a Republican now — and I’m really sorry about the carpet. Roxane is my spirit animal, which, if you think about it, is really messed up.

To paraphrase Ronald Reagan’s 11th Commandment, I believe one should “Speak no ill of a fellow columnist,” although these days in the White House I think it’s “Speak no ill of a fellow Communist.”

But I’m giving McFeely a pass on this one. This was more of an intervention. Not that I think Mike is the right guy for the job. If he showed up in my living room and gave me a hug, I think I’d start drinking more. They probably should have sent Roxane Salonen to Rob’s house. With a tarp.

This is getting worrisome. When Jake from State Farm called Rob and asked him what he was wearing, the answer was “Heidi Heitkamp’s pajamas.” That can’t be comfortable. Heidi is so folksy, she wears burlap, and according to the TV commercial I saw, Crocs.

If you dealt with as much chaffing as Rob Port, you’d lash out, too.

The problem with picking a fight with Rob is you’re going to need a thesaurus. (For you South Dakota State University grads, that’s not the dinosaur that ate the lawyer in Jurassic Park.) Rob has a propensity for using big words. Like propensity.

On this one, the smart money is on Port. McFeely knows just one big word. Kerfuffle. I don’t know what that is exactly, but it sounds like something you’d need a trained pig to sniff out in French forests. Or something you do after eating fava beans. Or a colorful nickname for an Austin Powers villain — Kerfuffle Carbuncle.

McFeely’s column went virus on the interwebs, but surprisingly, many liberals were critical of him. They weren’t exactly rushing to Port’s defense, but they felt that it was too little, too late. Apparently, McFeely should have attacked like a rabid dog (or Shawn Hannity) the instant Port showed his conservative leanings. Which was at birth. He only suckled from the right.

And the narrative is McFeely should have been even tougher on him.

Wow. Democrats have gotten so grumpy these days I can’t tell them from Republicans. Except in coffee shops and on the highway. At Starbucks, Democrats are the ones ordering soy caramel macchiatos, and Republicans are the ones making black people leave. Except for Kanye.

On the road, you can tell them apart because conservatives drive Cadillacs and liberals drive hybrids. Democrats will stop traffic to move a turtle. Republicans want to make it legal to drive over protesters or at least waterboard them.

One of my hobbies is cruising the Whole Foods parking lot with Make America Great Again bumper stickers. I put them on every Prius I see.

I slap PETA stickers on Suburbans parked at gun shops.

In my own small way, I feel I’m bringing us closer together.

© Tony Bender, 2018

RON SCHALOW: Poor Paranoid Lying Port

My buddy, Rob Port, used the coveted space for his Sunday column to set up a hypothetical Festivus pole, air his grievances and sob over his keyboard. My sources say he paced in the hall for a solid 45 seconds before getting winded and falling into a heap of self-pity. The feats of strength portion of Festivus was canceled, due to a lack of strength.

It is a Festivus miracle that anyone would waste money on this rube.

The headline and copy exemplified why he isn’t taken seriously, and many people consider him an embarrassment to the newspaper industry, worldwide, and Forum Communications in particular. I’m just generally embarrassed for people with no self-awareness or shame. Ferrets also have no self-awareness or shame. They are the Ports of the animal kingdom.

It’s as if he impersonated a real journalist and a real higher education expert, in a debate at Minot State University. Oh, right. Port did that and wore his finest checkered shirt and what appeared on video to be skinny jeans. The dull-witted one argued with people who have degrees up to their knees.

It’s doubtful that Port understood most of the words, but he was pleased with himself anyway. That’s the type of person we’re dealing with\ and partly explains his column of victimhood woe.

Let’s dissect this dead carp. Port’s words are in quotations.

“COMMENTARY: CRITICS CRY SHUT UP, BUT MY CRITICISM ON SENATOR IS SOUND”

What critic said shut up? He doesn’t know. Port’s Heidi obsession cannot be summed up as sound. It’s not. If you’re into the 109 degrees of separation game, laced with venom, Rob’s your dude.

“MINOT, N.D. — Sen. Heidi Heitkamp and her network of operatives and supporters are out to make me Public Enemy No. 1.”

The youngster never names any of these operatives involved in this conspiracy. He usually calls these imaginary people “surrogates.” The word surrogates, appears in 7,436 Heidi hit pieces.

And he isn’t No. 1. He wishes. Port’s just a lackey.

“The problem is that the senator’s approval numbers are tanking ahead of what promises to be the most vigorously contested election of her life.”

 The Portweasel just made that up. His mediocrity is the problem.

“The solution, it seems, is to paint yours truly as a big, bad bully who just won’t leave poor Heitkamp alone.”

The Portweasel just made that up.

“Remember, this is a U.S. senator we’re talking about. As one of just 100 members of that legislative chamber, she is one of the most powerful political figures in the country. She has a war chest stuffed with millions in donations which funds, among other things, a campaign staff eager to mau-mau anyone critical of their candidate.”

Mau-mau? OK. Port is eager to mau-mau anyone critical of Kevin Cramer. Kevin can say nothing too stupid to get the mau-mau thing from his third favorite media sycophant.

“Lately, though, Heitkamp has taken the posture of a victim in the face of criticism from me. Her staffers, who never bother to respond to my requests for comment or interviews, routinely contact my bosses encouraging them to shut me up. The state’s opinion pages frequently feature letters to the editor from Democratic operatives whinging on about a supposed “obsession” with the senator.”

Heitkamp has never mentioned the blogger’s name, to my memory, but Rob can fantasize about keeping her up at night. Heidi doesn’t consider Port at all. He’s a hack who thinks he deserves some respect because JoeMN, Orville and a small cast of turkey vultures,who circle the polluted pond on his blog, are waiting to attack anyone who might leave a factual comment. These mooks hang on his every word, or at least try to sound out the headline.

“Even my colleague, Mike McFeely, is doing his part for Heitkamp under the guise of promoting professional standards. In a recent column, he was floating the scurrilous idea that I might be paid off by Republicans. He claims that a political commentator like me writing a lot about a candidate in what promises to be the biggest political brawl in state history is somehow unbecoming of someone in our profession.”

McFeely is not Jr.’s colleague (that implies some level of equality), and he wasn’t doing anything on behalf of Heitkamp. And he didn’t float anything. As McFeely stated, readers have wondered about his obviously adhesive relationship with Kevin Cramer. How many lies is that, so far?

“There’s a simple explanation for why all of this is happening: My criticism of Heitkamp is sound.”

 No it isn’t. Sorry, you little hombre.

“It’s resonating with the public.”

It’s not.

 “It’s become inconvenient to Heitkamp’s efforts to get herself re-elected.”
Wrong again. Voldeport (copyrighted by Kris Wallman), thinks a lot of himself.

“Thus, it must be removed. Or diminished.”

Thus, the thin-skinned one doesn’t understand the issue. Drama queen.

“Hilariously, there seems to be little concern from my critics about the senator’s brother operating a Fargo-based radio station as a de facto campaign headquarters. When Joel Heitkamp was riding herd on Heitkamp’s opponent in 2012 — former Republican Congressman Rick Berg — there were no complaints from our friends on the left.”

Port complained, and since I listened to KFGO before that election (did Robbie?), and to call the radio station as a de facto campaign headquarters, is ridiculous. Another lie. I’m sure it sounded true during a fever dream brought on by mayonnaise malaise.

“The hypocrisy is so thick you could cut it with a knife.”

I love cliches.

“You’ll notice that the bulk of the criticism of my coverage of North Dakota’s U.S. Senate race is not focused on what I’m writing. There are few rebuttals offered for the points I’m making. Rather, we are being treated to tantrums from people who are upset that I’m writing anything at all.”

Also, not true. Weasel boy is throwing the tantrum in this comedy.

“I dislike dedicating a column like this to some food fight with a bunch of politicos and campaign operatives, but I felt I owed you, the audience, a rebuttal to the smear campaign against me.”

Gosh, thanks, I did feel owed. Port knows how to smear, but not enough people care about him to call anything a campaign.

“I choose topics because they matter. My critics want me to shut up because they know those topics matter.”

Another miss. Have another bottle of cough syrup.

“One truth I’ve learned in 15 years of writing about politics is that you usually get the most flak when you’re over the target.”

Writing is a strong word.

RON SCHALOW: Port And Cramer — Making Collusion Fun Again

I bought a gizmo that is supposed to drive away vermin by emitting a super high-pitched sound. I wanted a herd of hard-partying ants on a sugar high to take a hike. Or take a long walk off a short pier, like my uncles used to tell me on a regular basis.

It’s undignified to live with insects that strut around like they own the place. So far, all the annoying squeal (I imagine) has kept away are bears. White through black. Haven’t seen a one of them. The ants laugh and line dance on the gadget. “Boot Scootin Boogie” still haunts me, from a former life.

Speaking of bears, I imagine that some of the college-educated professional news people at the Forum and WDAY have also tried audio waves to shoo away the pesky amatuer Rob Port. The raccoon infestation has moved over to Broadway, but the blogger is evidently immune to good vibrations, toxic sprays and kites that look like dragons. Hang in there, people.

Aside from his calling them “colleagues,” which insults me and I don’t even work there, Port also has a neurological problem level of shrill repetition, with his topics.

HEIDI HEITKAMP WORE MISMATCHED SOCKS TO PROM!

WHO GAVE BIBI NETANYAHU A NOOGIE IN AN UBER? WAS IT HEIDI?

HIGH FOUR? IS HEIDI HEITKAMP TOO SHORT?

DOES RED CAUSE VITAMIN D DEFICIENCY? MY SOURCES SAY YES!

HEIDI TOOK A KNEE WHEN HER COACH SAID, TAKE A KNEE!

She’s a vicious red-haired she-devil, no doubt.

Obviously, Port writes his own headlines because no standard-issue person could concoct such clunky word strings.

One of his favorite heavily repeated themes is that Heitkamp is a big meany, and she will surely pick on the angelic Congressman Kevin Cramer.

Recently, Port posted the following:

“THIS IS WHY SENATOR HEITKAMP HAS TO MAKE VOTERS HATE HER OPPONENT”

“I’ve long predicted that the 2018 U.S. Senate election will be one of the ugliest North Dakota has ever seen.” (Now, that’s some fine punditing.)

“Part of the foundation for that prediction lays in the way the incumbent, Sen. Heitkamp, campaigned in 2012. She ran a VICIOUS campaign that year, BRUTALIZING her opponent Rick Berg with her surrogates painting the man as a “slum lord” and worse.” (Robbie made the wrong prediction and has been pouting about it ever since. Berg claimed that Heitkamp wanted to disarm our military, so Port can hang his hat on that gem.)

Furthermore:

“But if she can use her millions in out-of-state contributions to turn the race into referendum on what an awful person Congressman Kevin Cramer is, maybe she can win.” (Well, he is awful.)

And:

“She’s a gifted politician, she has millions from out of state donors in the bank already, and she’s proven to have FEW SCRUPLES when it comes to SAVAGING her political opponents.”

So, because the smiling, smarmy, smirking Cramer would never resort to running a negative campaign, little Port has taken the initiative to pick up the slack with the scruple-free, vicious and savaging of Kevin’s opponent, Heidi Heitkamp. Chris Berg and Scott Hennen help.

And Cramer has a standing spot on Port’s radio show. I wouldn’t listen if threatened with a push into a pit crawling with saw-scaled vipers. But it’s hard to stifle the commercials, and I can confirm that Robbie giggles like a little girl when he thinks he’s said something funny.

Of course, junior is also a flack for big oil, the North Dakota GOP, pipeline companies and downtrodden wealthy corporations.

He prefers provocative statements for headlines that aren’t proven in the copy or don’t match the content of the post. But it doesn’t matter.

While being indoctrinated in government high school, he might have been told that 60 percent to 80 percent of readers peruse only the deceptive headline, and Forum Communications allows him three or four headlines per day, which enter the bloodstream of the organization.

Many take Port’s headlines as gospel. It’s an insidious way to push an agenda. He can come up with any dribble that leaks out of his ears without any pushback.

Port also misrepresents the facts on a regular basis. Opinion is one thing, math is another. As is science. Truth supersedes ideology. Port is a liar. The match with Cramer makes sense.

But the deceit never gets corrected. He just moves to the next sham Heitkamp scandal. Try digging through her garbage, you little brown-nose bear.

TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — From Soup To Nuts

I had a pretty good week. My lawyer, Sly M. Ball didn’t get raided, and his paper shredder is working just fine. It’s powered by a V-8 Cummins, which gets terrible mileage, but thanks to the rollback of fuel efficiency standards, he won’t have to deal with a solar-powered model.

The problem there is twofold. First of all, most of the shredding takes place at night, and then there’s the issue of sun pollution. Solar panels attract way too much sun and are a major cause of global warming. If there is such a thing. And we know there isn’t because we’ve had a long winter in North Dakota. Case closed.

But I digress. This column is headed in more directions than a presidential tweet.

My point is, Sly is a great lawyer — the kind of guy who would reach into his pocket and pull out $130,000 or brass knuckles, whatever’s necessary, while performing the Art of the Deal. He’s a lot like a Boy Scout — always prepared, evolving on gay rights, and loves animals.

Take for instance the time I got a little behind on “insurance” payments. A lot of guys would have gotten rough, but you know what, Sly didn’t even bring it up. He just dropped off a fresh 5-pound carp wrapped in the fake New York Times and scratched Gus The Wonder Pug’s ears. “Nice pug you got here,” Sly said, “It would be a pity if something happened to him.”

Not many guys care that much. Anyway, the debt is settled. Mexico paid for it. And I’d like to say typing is not impossible without thumbs, butIdostrugglewiththespacebar.

Another big break I got last week was that I wasn’t mentioned in James Comey’s new book. He had a whole chapter on hand sizes, and I think I would have measured up if not for the absence of opposable thumbs.

Comey might be the next James Joyce, but because of his disloyalty to President Trump, he deserved to be fired. It’s like that time I got pulled over exhibition driving. “Where’s your sense of loyalty, officer?” I said. And then I fired him on the spot.

But there’s good economic news out of Washington, D.C. EPA Director Scott Pruitt is single-handedly driving down housing costs in the swamp by negotiating a condo rental from a lobbyist for less than the cost of a room at Motel 6. Motto: “We’ll leave the interrogation light on for you.”

Then, budget hawk Paul Ryan retired from Congress after the Congressional Budget Office calculated the nation could celebrate it’s first trillion dollar defecate in 2020, a celebration that could be bigger than the bicentennial. Instead of confetti, we’ll throw soybeans because we’ll have a lot of them. Said Ryan between squats, “My work here is done.”

Meanwhile in North Dakota, the Republican Deep State held an impromptu pillow party for Tom Campbell, who offended Gov. Burgum by trying to buy an election. He and Kevin Cramer were also upset about Campbell attempting to circumvent the sacred GOP convention process. I’m not saying things got swampy, but Campbell had to waterski home.

Campbell won’t be running, but there will be an ethics measure on the ballot, a concept so puzzling to Republicans not even Rob Port could come up with the definition. “It is a precipitous conundrum of the adjudication of the delineated hypotenuse of misanthropy,” he said. “And frankly, I am outraged, something … something … Heidi Heitkamp!”

Al Carlson was equally outraged when he heard about the measure. “And who’s gonna pay for that?” he demanded. Not Harold Hamm, that’s for sure.

© Tony Bender, 2018

RON SCHALOW: Don’t Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor Or Anyone Huddled

I don’t like to brag, but I’m not a white supremacist.

I’m a pale pinkish beige, touch of gray, slight kale-green hue supremacist. Gray geese, they call the two of us in the press, although, honestly, they don’t pay any attention. Effing chromos, otherwise.

Me, or I, except after c, and the other bloke in the mookie genus, Roy, are part of this microscopic first cousin tendril of the standard Caucasian, like you see wandering around looking up at the sun during an eclipse.

No offense to nitwits. I’m not a racist. I’m the least racist Kodachrome who ever existed, except maybe for Roy. Tough call. He hollered obscenities at a White Snowy owl once, but the bird probably had it coming, considering it latched onto Roy’s head. It dug in pretty deep, so it must have planned on staying for a while. Roy looks a lot like a fence post.

Some of our earlier relatives were pretty rabid racists, though. For instance, Brita. “Filter,” they called her, used to shout, “you effing sapiens. Go back to your “shithole.” But she could pass for white in the sunlight, so she doesn’t count. Some garish cosmetic-laden, pumpkin-headed lard a$$ grabbed Brita’s p**** one time, and she made him eat the Russian wife catalogue in his coat pocket, with no condiments. Also a coffee table.

Roy and I come from a long line of off-brand genetic northern heavyweights, including Ragnar Lodbrok and Eddard Stark, as far as anyone knows. Roy brags a bit, and gets downright militant at times, but we usually just do a little bleaching and blend in with the white people. Our meetings suck. Point of order! Point of order! Shut the eff up, Roy! Give me that gavel, you effing mook!

Roy’s prickly personality has led to a good stoning on several occasions. It’s never seemed to bother him, though. Tough skull genes. He’s lost a few eyebrows.

We held a rally once, followed by a walk for Kodo justice, but we barely got a block before Roy spots some bad hombre down on one knee, and loses it. “You ungrateful SOB,” screams Roy before he coldcocks the poor sap. It turns out the dude was in the midst of a major heart attack. Who knew it could be so complicated to spot a myocardial infarction from 50 yards? Anyway, the drama got thick. Roy grabbed a flight and is currently selling LED light bulbs in Puerto Rico. Better than being deported to Mitchell, S.D.

But Fargo resident, Pete Tefft IS a white supremacist. He’ll argue otherwise. But he’s aggressively white supremacist. Trust me. Any brown people introduced into the country, by birth or immigration, is just another excuse to scream “white genocide” for this dangerous nut. It’s a bright red flag at the least. He lurks around Chris Berg’s POV page, waiting for the tossing of the red chum.

Not that it makes any difference to him, but sepia-toned, and other shades of brown humans, have been on this dirt for over 10,000 years, and many more nonwhite, non-Christian types have showed up and settled, long before this space was a country. And many came on one of the delightfully torturous and mandatory death cruises. This hemisphere never met Pete’s expectations.

Tefft calls himself a “pro-white activist,” which in Fargo doesn’t even merit a torch lit 5K — or a pancake feed. Only the altos feel like they’ve been trodden on for their skin color. The others are tailgating.

People in Fargo, including me, have referred to Tefft as our resident white supremacist. If only that were true. Pete is just tip of the iceberg with a defective haircut. Do you just goose-step into the nearest Cheap Cuts and ask for a Herr Himmler?

Alt-right dolts have permeated the country. But few altos show up at a women’s march looking for attention like Tefft. The misogyny runs strong in the cult. Ninety-nine percent of the yokels stay dormant, like devious cancer cells, until summoned. I’ve heard a tremendous tuning fork is involved. There’s always a humming in my head anyway. The dog whistles are less subtle, and the beast has risen. Then, there is the president, who just flat out spits the racism right at the camera lens. For some, this a feature not a bug.

In Fargo, the severe right flock to the usual online places, for a shot at feeling superior. KVLY and POV-something are always good for some race baiting headlines, as are Scott Hennen’s Facebook page and Rob Port’s Fargo Forum- owned blog, where they outwardly cheer the Tiki tots of Charlottesville and continue to bitch about Obumble. Port is a peach, except for his dishonest pit. Port and KVLY have banned me from their sites. Probably a good move.

  • Acceptable comment on Port’s blog: “Speaking of fun, i am trying to decide what to do with my first month of my tax cut. Maybe a new drone or a neon sign for my bar room. I need those things more than some 400lb ghetto whore needs her food stamps.” Warning: Not all of the comments are this classy.

Anyway, the first thing to establish for racists is when commenting on any topic, is that you’re not a bigoted racist and whine about probably being called a bigoted racist by some cuck officially with the “intolerant left,” then proceed to act like a bigoted racist. There’s a manual on 4Chan.

Thankfully, like everyone else, all alt-righters are not alike. It’s a buffet. Some believe there are people who identify as transgender because it is trendy. Others don’t know what those words mean. It’s a cornucopia.

Having an attitude problem with refugees, dreamers and natives, in particular? Those are the big three in North Dakota. A red-faced disdain for any type of immigration — and indigenous people — is all you need. You’re set. It’s like a starter kit for racists. The professional race experts who have never been south of Oakes, N.D., like to toss in Chicago, Baltimore, Ferguson and the words “inner city” to show off their memorization skills.

Oh, and the wall. It will make us safe from something, maybe Mexican bears, even though humans have been outsmarting tall barriers for a few thousand years. Outwitting a fear exploiting Trump wall should take a minute. The chain migration whining is BS. Even the few lottery recipients get vetted for years.

We’ve managed to keep tourism down, though. Less stolen hotel ashtrays, I guess. “Marge, let’s go visit that place where the creepy racist lunatic liar runs the show. Whatta you say?” “Shut up, Marvin. You’re an idiot. At least we’ll be safe in Mexico.”

White nationalists, neo-Nazis, Donald Trump supporters and the KKK. Think of the picnics. Swastika tattoos for the kids, crotch grabbing and zero for the cucks. Porn stars. Hankies for the incels who claim  “involuntary celibacy” because of SOCIETY, man. Sob. Alex Jones might be there. Maybe Steve Bannon. BYOT — Bring Your Own Torch.

“White identity” is under attack by multicultural forces, you know. Altos hate “political correctness” and “social justice.” Lib%$&#’s, dem@—!^%’s, and progs are frowned upon with a white hot passion. Boo to “establishment” conservatism. “Jews won’t replace us.” Some also vilify women, especially those pushy feminists. “Femoids” refers to women these rubes consider nonhuman. Deep undercover. Muslims, and anyone who isn’t as straight, as the alt-righters believe themselves to be. There are only two genders because they say so, and saying otherwise confuses them, more than it should.

They have their own language. Like Trump.

  • Fun fact: Stephen Miller, Donald Trump’s Igor, does cameos on cop shows, as the sheet-covered body. Lifting the linen, revealing his dead empty shark eyes, scares the dogs, and they butt their heads into the TV, so they stopped uncovering Steph’s face. Especially troubled were Mexican Chihuahuas. They waited 1,400 years to bite the first European to wade ashore, and they are genetically predisposed to clamp onto the tibia of racist humans.

For all of my years in North Dakota, we’ve been trying get people into this state. Bribing them, if necessary. Now, it depends. Fargo City Commissioner Dave Piepkorn and Rep. Chris Olson, and whole pack of others with at least one good opposable thumb, want to know, as Olson claims, what is the “absorptive capacity” of a town as it applies to legal refugees with a darker tint than Edgar Winter. Or Olaf, for younger readers. Rob Port discovered, through one of his anonymous sources, that Olaf is actually a fake fictional character and is frankly animated, and professionally so. Damn California leftists.

Piepkorn just wants to know how much these people with pigmentation cost the city. He never says, “if anything.” Breitbartism is alive and well in Fargo.

Whoa, let’s just do a cost-benefit analysis on everyone. Send Port a bill for the wear and tear he’s been putting on the sidewalks in Minot. Unreliable sources tell me he walks the town in a disoriented state nightly. He could be smoking too many bowls in a sitting.

Unvetted people are driving into Fargo every day. Some fly. We need to stop every moving van headed our way before the interlopers put in an arugula garden and start brewing deliciously hoppy — with a lemony tang — craft beer. Our city borders are leaking like the Trump White House. Roy was as lazy as 45 easy. But he split without a debriefing. He made good money, so despite his relaxed state of being, his tax contributions put him the plus column.

Such bull$#!*. Nobody wanted to know the “absorptive capacity,” of anything, when the oil patch was teeming with thousands of workers, many who drove their old pickup, all the way from Kentucky, only to find they didn’t have a job waiting. Lot’s of them ended up broke and homeless. Did anyone ask how much these poor people cost Williston?

Did we “absorb” the pimps, drug dealers, thieves, and other crooks who always follow the money, without a hitch?

C.S. Hagen did a research piece, published  in the High Plains Reader, called “DISLIKE” (available online), which identified nine North Dakota politicians who identify with the alt-right.

All of the state representatives listed are also “coincidentally” in the “Bastiat Caucus.” The “Whitesnake Caucus” was already taken, or so many people might say. The next step, obviously, was to look for names in 19th century France.

  • Congressman Kevin Cramer; aka “the barnacle on Trump’s racist ass.”
  • Rep. Rick Becker.
  • Rep. Luke Simons.
  • Rep. Chris Olson.
  • Rep. Daniel Johnston.
  • Rep. Dwight Kiefert.
  • Rep. Sebastian “Seabass” Ertelt.
  • Fargo City Commissioner and Fargo Deputy Mayor Dave Piepkorn.
  • Burleigh County Commissioner Jim Peluso.

I have no doubt that more altos have weaseled their way into our Legislature and other offices, but nobody is bragging about it. Some will rail against the leftist scum, cuckservatives, government lib%$^*s, snowflakes and, of course, the feminists involved in the “New World Order.” They also abhor pedophilia rackets in pizza shops and Hillary’s emails.

I don’t think those in Al Carlson’s “Angry Dinosaur Caucus,” even know what’s transpiring. Al is my representative, and he even answered one of my emails. I was flattered. He wrote, “I’ll get back to you.” Of course that was four years ago, so Carlson might be having trouble working his email machine. Fingers crossed.

Anyone who thinks that allowing less people into our country — Judy Estenson, chairwoman of District 23 of the North Dakota Republican Party wants that. She said so in the Forum. I’ll wager most the North Dakota GOP feels the same. — is going to help anything, is full of liverwurst.

Besides being a plus to our economy, it’s the right thing to do. Save lives, reunite families and provide opportunity to deserving people. It’s not like we’re short on space.

# # #

“An April 2017 analysis by the Government Accountability Office found that in recent years, 73 percent of terrorism fatalities were caused by “far right wing extremists.” — Washington Post.

RON SCHALOW: Port Whine, Part 4 — Failing Up

Rob Port is hot, and not just because his defroster is stuck on high in the minivan, and certainly not due to any physical activity. The Forum Communications golden boy is moving on up to the east side of Minot, to the land of Oley, Roscoe and the stockyards. Or so I’ve heard. No one knows why. He’s a great guy.

Why, just a few days ago, he discovered that addicts aren’t necessarily bad people, and wrote about it, so the ignorant among us could hear the good news. It was a gutsy move, since only 11 people thought addicts were bad people in the first place. He’s a tremendous barometer of societal phenomenon already realized and an insignificant advocate for the downtrodden. He’s a great guy.

Last week, among other things, Port made the top five of writers (cough) to be considered for the honor of Fargo’s Best Columnist, as determined by the always hammered on sloe gin supermellow guy on the 18th floor, who thinks there is an 18th floor in the Forum building. Trump sees it.

Obie, as he likes people to yell when addressing him, was to pick five names out of a Fedora once owned by Harry Belafonte. Obie swiped it in the ’60s from an ancient hat check with poor security, so this wasn’t willy-nilly decision making. Harry is still the man, man. Anyway, five names adhered to Obie’s sticky fingers first dip, and that was that. Tremendous. Trust me.

Rob beat out Jack Zaleski, Jane Ahlin, Jessie Veeder, Tony Bender, Tammy Swift, Lloyd Omdahl, Jon Hauser, Steve Stark and everyone else considered a regular columnist and omitted from the list. SOB’s, the lot of them. Escort them to the nearest locker room.

Port writes at the same level that our American president, the most powerful man on Earth, speaks, thinks and Tweets, which is no small feat. It’s huge. Believe me. So, to win the title would be timely, especially since his Forum-owned blog is down 78 percent since it peaked last December, when Port was publishing the anti-Native propaganda churned out by Energy Transfer Partners hired goons, mercenaries with guns, keyboards and Port’s email address.

Racism sells, in case you were wondering. Port knows. Trump knows. Standing Rock knows. And now, Puerto Rico knows. The kid can’t understand what black people are protesting. What’s with the taking a knee thing? Port thinks the NFL players are just trying to wind up the president and have no true grievance, when they are giving Joe bone spurs draft dodger a big f*** you because they live in the real world. Maybe look things up before you write an ignorant post, Port. But why start now.

Hardcore Libertarians don’t believe any group should get special protection, even if the need is glaring, because it means bigger government. Port claims to be a Libertarian, although I’m not sure what species he is, to be certain. Anyway, to cover for this gaping flaw in Libertarian ideology, he simply claims that no problem exists. Blacks should be happy to have it so good. If you’re going to face discrimination, this a great country to face it in. Aren’t we tremendous, with no flaws. Believe me.

The no evidence argument is used to rationalize bigotry against the LGBT community and refugees, too. It’s all purpose. If Port can’t see it from his porch, it ain’t happening.

And the North Dakota Petroleum Council knows all about Port. Why do you think it invited Robbie to speak at its annual hoedown? Because it likes the cut of his jib? Because he’s honest? They know he’s not, and that’s the part they like, especially since he’s infected the bloodstream of the expansive Forum Company. What is Port going talk about? Alternate facts? He doesn’t know anything about the oil industry. Trump just figured out that islands are surrounded by water, and he’s the one in charge.

It doesn’t matter. Port ignored all of the rules and published everything he was fed during the pipeline protests. He took big bites. Towns burn down and citizens die. Port excuses it. Exployees die at unheard of rates. Port excuses it. Spills, leaks and tax cuts. Port writes what he is told. So, the North Dakota Petroleum Council is rewarding the lad. I suggest a monstrous speaking fee, a large bar of gold and a kiss on the lips from Harold Hamm. He’s worth it. He’s terrific. He’s a great guy.

So, Rob is up for “best columnist,” and speaking gibberish to the millionaires who haven’t bolted for the hotel bar. The topper is getting another hour to spout on the Forum company owned WDAY-AM, and he doesn’t even have to leave the comfort of somebody’s home in Minot, to be the antithesis of an expert. On everything. He is the only living person to make money as a nonexpert. On everything.

Plus, now, Rob can give his buddy, Congressman Kevin Cramer, more free air time, to complain about the media. Two ideologues in a pod. Then, Kev chalks it up as a Town Hall. Thanks, but I would rather be lied to in person.

It was only a few years ago that Port was shoeing mules at the local Home of Economy. Or something. I’m not sure. He could have been in the toaster department. I recall a lot of toasters in that place. In my youth, I used to ride my bike there to buy nails. There was a lot of wood in those days that didn’t have nails in it.

At one point, Rob worked for his dad, which seems harmless enough, but when Sen. Heidi Heitkamp announced on her brother’s radio show that she was running for re-election, Port called it the “stench of nepotism.” He has an unnatural fixation with Heidi. If she votes how Port wants, she’s a cold calculating politician trying to fool the good folks of North Dakota. The other way, Heitkamp is a loony leftist. He has to write about something, I suppose.

And now, the Port is branching out into giving parental advice. He suggests less parenting, which I don’t think is a problem, and letting the kids cut the grass. Who is stopping them? Big government? The free market? Eco zealots? It’s likely in the Libertarian handbook.

I don’t know where he came to deny global warming. Maybe from the Koch’s, who hired Sarah Palin, not THE Sarah Palin, to indoctrinate him as a pup. He also likes to deny obvious hate crimes, right-wing violence, radiation and outhouses. He’s quite concerned that women, especially those feminists, are out to destroy white men, by getting educated, falsifying their pay stubs and kidding around with rape allegations.

More Port to come. He’s like sludge at the bottom of the ocean. Plentiful.

I will be taking a knee out by the street, and then attempting to get up.

 

RON SCHALOW: The White Nationalist Next Door

Several days after my birth, we were driving home, up the big Third Street hill in Minot, and I was listening to Eisenhower speechify on the radio. It was a bit staticy, but I remember it like it was just several minutes ago. Frankly, he was boring.

President Ike was still in his first term and pledged to remain ever steamed at the Nazis, until flowers bloomed on the moon, at minimum. He was in the business of killing them not many years before becoming president, so Eisenhower didn’t have mixed feelings about Nazis. They were always bad. NOBODY compared. Over 400,000 Americans died in that war.

“During World War II, we we rushed to develop nuclear weapons because we were trying to defeat the Nazis, who, fun fact, pretty much all Americans thought were bad at the time.” — John Oliver

We liked Ike. He was stable, sane and looked better than fat@$$ Don in a golf outfit.  Eisenhower never tweeted and didn’t lie every 15 minutes. At the time, we had no idea that Dwight WASN’T getting up in the middle of the night to cuss out various people and talk smack on the White House party line. He behaved normally, to my recollection, and the clincher for me, Ike and I, looked liked twins when I was 3 days old. Bald as a Brunswick bowling ball and a pate as smooth as a newborn goat. My eyesight wasn’t fully operative, yet.

In 1957, the former general sent the National Guard into Arkansas, backed up by Fargo’s Judge Ronald Davies, to enable the Little Rock Nine, black youths, to safely attend school with the white kids. Dwight stepped up and did the right thing. Many whites weren’t happy. Too many still aren’t.

Dwight had dignity, and he was a tough SOB. Had Eisenhower witnessed the spectacle of Donald Trumps’s bat$#!* insane hee-haw tribalist airing of grievances for 77 minutes (all that was missing was the Festivus pole and the feats of strength) in Arizona, he would have latched onto Donnie John’s testicles with a pair of needle nose pliers and squeezed until 45 coughed up the keys to the country.

And if he knew that Trump was pandering to the tiki tots and their ideological inbred cousins, providing aid and comfort to the enemy, Ike would have done cool things, not approved by the Geneva Conventions, to Donnie with his two iron.

“You had a group on one side that was bad and you had a group on the other side that was also very violent. nobody wants to say it, but I will say it right now.” — D. Trump

Nobody who stands up to heavily armed white supremacists is on any other side except good, but the alt-right knew how to interpret the president’s words. Fifty percent is a win for these @$$holes.

Many tried to convince us that hundreds were just there to to gaze into the bronze nostrils of Gen. Lee’s horse, Traveller, just one more time. Such malarkey.

And there are those like Fargo’s Scott Hennen, the frothing radio voice of the tattered fringe right over several blocks in downtown Fargo, who thought the sight of a marching herd of Nazis carrying kitschy Polynesian style torches and chanting racist favorites in an American city was a partisan issue. Maybe to his listeners, and Hennen’s twisted mind, but I would still like to think that most Republicans are anti-white supremacy. And certainly they are against a terrorist attacks, even if the perpetrator isn’t Muslim. Aren’t they?

Unfortunately, in North Dakota, Republican politicians are inclined to attach their campaigns to the mad king. Evidently, the Trumpster fire is still a popular figure with the N.D. GOP and its voters. And it boils to white identity politics, which isn’t new but was relegated to damp rock undersides with the other slimy critters.

Generally, being a racist wasn’t something you wanted to advertise. At least not in this state.

Then along comes the Trump idiot, hitting all of the right notes, for a range of bigots on the spectrum.

Mexicans are rapists, we’re going to build the best wall to keep them out. We’re going to make it so that an immigrant has to have a Nobel prize and be a gold medal Olympic pole vaulter in order to meet the new requirements for entry. The Muslim ban, that made no sense. Birtherism, that was a racial lie. Refugees can wait a few more years because the numbers to be allowed in have been greatly reduced. Transgender people can no longer serve in the military. A stone cold racist and cruel dick is given a presidential pardon. The dip praises a CNN pundit who was fired for tweeting a Nazi slogan. Donnie uses Pocahontas as a slur.  He’s currently screwing with the Dreamers. And then the equivocation on Nazis.

“Jews will not replace us, blood and soil, heil Trump, one people, one nation, end immigration, White Lives Matter, f**k you, fa**ots, and “Go the f**k back to Africa.” Some right-wing demonstrators called specific people “ni**ers” or “fa**ots.” Yes, good people.

“This city is run by Jewish communists and criminal ni**ers,” one @$$hole told Vice News’ Elspeth Reeve.

“As Jews prayed at a local synagogue, Congregation Beth Israel, men dressed in fatigues carrying semiautomatic rifles stood across the street, according to the temple’s president. Nazi websites posted a call to burn their building. As a precautionary measure, congregants had removed their Torah scrolls and exited through the back of the building when they were done praying.” — Reform Judaism

“For my part, if I should ever get the chance to confront Richard Spencer (white supremacist honcho), I think I’d conclude my cross-examination with the proposition that by his views and actions he had implicitly renounced his American citizenship and should therefore be deported.” — Steven Hayward, libertarian and conservative author

So, our North Dakota Republicans aren’t running away from this racist in the Oval Office and some who have called for ethnic cleansing. Their constituents evidently find Trump just swell. But, don’t believe me. Forum Communications employs a shill boy blogger, who carries vast amount of oil for his legislative pals, and was responsible for this headline:

“Port: ND politicos are treating Trump like an election year asset”

“Maybe Trump isn’t the political liability some would like us to think. Some will say otherwise, but how the politicians place their bets speaks louder than words,” Port wrote.

Sounds about right. We’ve been hearing the high-pitched squeals, only audible to beagles, complaining about migrant workers, refugees, Native Americans and the LGBT community for years, and someone has been reassuring those with concerns about keeping these groups in check. Some descendants of Europeans feel that white Christian identity is being threatened by ethnic diversity and multiculturalism.

Here’s what Port had to say before the election and prior to his forced Trump brand blood transfusion:

  • “While the left overplays the race card, Trump seems content to pander to actual paranoid racists.”
  • “Trump knows exactly how dumb his supporters are and has manipulated their ignorance to great effect.”
  • “The 2016 election for president now looks to be a competition between corrupt, bought off Clintonism and the former host of “Celebrity Apprentice” whose “America first” campaign has taken on the overtones of a modern sort of fascism.”

Perhaps the next time a legislative candidate knocks on your door, be sure to look through peephole and if you see a torch, latch the deadbolt.

“Since my boyhood, I had accepted without qualification the right to equality before the law of all citizens of this country, whatever their race or color or creed. In World War II, I had affirmed my belief in this principle through orders desegregating many Red Cross clubs, while during some stages of the fighting, I had sent into previous all-white units Negro replacements who not only fought well but also encountered little or no resentment from their comrades.” — D.D. Eisenhower

RON SCHALOW: Nazis Wear Lederhosen And Dance Funny

While browsing through pictures of the racists who $#!* on Charlottesville, Va., and who misappropriated a perfectly innocent backyard implement for lighting ambiance and the repellent of some insects (for evil and poorly choreographed parading, which probably voided the damn warranty), I noticed a few things.

This was the least superior gaggle of goose steppers that could have been scrounged up. Evidently a secondhand store, a J. Crew, Comicon, Army surplus store, Bed Bath & Beyond, and a postrally Sturgis pawn shop, all blew up in a another dimension and vomited up a mess of white supremacist @$$holes, with bad haircuts.

As one of the 97 percent in Fargo who could claim to be Aryan, these mutts of doubtful pedigree weren’t the cream of the crop, as far as descendants of northern Europeans go. I can see why most of them would be self-conscience. I’m no prize, but good lord. Have these orcs never heard of a dry cleaner, a washing machine or an iron?

I’ve watched numerous documentaries on the KKK, and I have yet to see one dude who was anything but unattractive to the point of scaring the hideous. David Duke is supposed be their most presentable? I don’t see it. Is that why they wear the laundry on their head? The rest of them should probably consider concealing their faces, too. Perhaps with backward motorcycle helmets.

Furthermore, I think most of these clowns should be spitting into a test tube and mailing the sample ASAP to 23andMe, to at least get the Neanderthal percentage, and hope they’re officially a modern man. As for the bloodlines, I wouldn’t want to besmirch any race by claiming a relation to these saps, but let’s just say, there are some blue contact lenses on a few orbs. And few eyes have stared at the sun too long.

And, for the record, Black Lives Matter isn’t comparable to any of these hateful groups.

Antifa is not nearly as violent as the alt-right, although I don’t see why breaking windows is a thing. Anarchist seems to be on the resume. They didn’t make up more than a fraction of the anti-hate protesters in Charlottesville. Black-clad persons with black bandanas over their faces didn’t show up in many photos.

There is no such thing as the alt-left.

The Nazis were not Bernie Sanders-type socialists, for crissakes.

The president seems be to under the impression that all of the protestors against the alt-right were from the left. How would he know? He doesn’t know anything else. Are conservatives not anti-Nazi? It would seem odd if they weren’t. It’s peculiar enough that Trump is a Nazi apologist, but my dad was a Nixon man in 1960, and he sure wasn’t any fan of Nazis, since his generation lost a lot of people destroying Hitler for the rest of us.

There seems to be a lot of lunkheads in North Dakota cheering on the guys with the Nazi and Confederate flags, though. The comment sections are full of them. If these people think this country ever was a white’s only club, they are as clueless as those who think history is learned from a statue.

So now this Peter Tefft character, who claims to be merely an activist for whites (whatever our gripes) — although he was seen playing with the other kids in the circle of hell with the worst parking — is thinking about holding a Charlotteville type rally in Fargo. This has been said many times, but it bears repeating; If you wander by a group skipping along to the tune of, “the Jews won’t replace us,” and join them, you’re not a good person.

Of course, the usual media suspects are doing their best to forget what a white supremacist stands for, and providing rationalizations for everything, including Trump. KVLY, of course; Scott Hennen, who is livid most of the time, anyway; and the Forum’s little blogger, Rob Port.

Port is deathly afraid that violence will silence the alt-right voice because nobody knows what white nationalists stand for. The only one silenced in Charlotteville was Heather Heyer, but he doesn’t mention her in his Sunday (cough) column. Or the injured in the terrorist attack. Such a phony. Such a hypocrite.

Voldeport wants everyone to sit in a crop circle, hold hands and listen to — with wide eyes — what he has called political speech. And when the Nazis are finished, they sit down with their flags of the losers and listen politely while speakers explain why we aren’t going to ship all very nonwhite’s “somewhere” or kill them because they make you feel uncomfortable. Then, we’ll all hug, go have a beer, braid some hair and call it a day.

It’s not OK to punch a Nazi, Port says. Some people claim that it is OK, he claims, without naming anyone. Well, here’s one for you. David Fransen is saying it was OK (right on Hennen’s Facebook page — below) to kill Heather Heyer. Can I punch him or does that upset your tender sensibilities, Port? Right-wing terrorism. Do you have the stones to admit that much?

Port was the same idiot who spent many months doing what he could to denigrate Native Americans, using false propaganda he was fed like strained peaches. He also wants to know (many times) what refugees are costing us (dog whistle), even though it’s likely nothing. But, don’t call him a bigot. Sad.

Port. You’re bigot, and possibly a churlish J. R. R. Tolkien character who often forgets to wear pants.

I’m curious to see how many Fargoans who identify with the swastika will come out to protest the Jews, and whoever else they don’t like, with this Tefft kid, although I don’t think he is bright enough to pull it off. Will they use modern technology like flashlights. And how many lawmakers will show? Especially those who made common cause with the not well-improvised explosive device in the oval office.

Tina Fey suggests eating a cake

“And then next time, when you see a bunch of white boys, boys in polo shirts screaming about taking our country back, and you want to scream, ‘It’s not our country — we stole it. We stole it from the Native Americans. And when they have a peaceful protest at Standing Rock, we shoot at them with rubber bullets. But we let you chinless turds march through the streets with semiautomatic weapons.’ When you want to yell that, don’t yell it at the Klan, Colin. Yell it into the cake. Then, when Ann Coulter crawls out of her roach motel, and says, ‘Uh, antifa attacked Republicans in Berkeley,’ and you’re like, ‘OK, yard sale Barbie, but the other side is Nazis and Klansmen. And also, who drove the car into the crowd? Hillary’s e-mails?’”

###

“Heather Heyer was not on the street in Charlottesville, Va., as an innocent bystander. She was there as an agitator, a counterprotester. She was with a group of anti-Americans who were demanding that you agree with them. If you didn’t agree with them, they refer to you as a Nazi and as a Fascist. Having a bunch of white thugs gathering and chanting racial slurs and threats did nothing but play directly into to the hands of the group that included Heather Heyer.” — David Fransen, Aberdeen, S.D.

RON SCHALOW — If The Pillowcase Fits …

A few years ago, before the Fargo Forum’s Rob Port banned me from his brain cell-resistant Sayanything blog Facebook page, I found myself politely conversing, for my part, with a Grand Forks member of the III percent right-wing militia group. He cursed like a wet pirate with R-rated dagger wounds. I was soooo frightened, but I pulled myself together with a nice glass of milk.

If you look at the III percent website, they’re armed, have scary logos and are supposedly prepared to attack, if our government strays from their idea of how our government should operate. You know, the tyranny thing. They are ready to kill police, soldiers and, oh, they are so unready. The poor traitorous dears.

Anyway, being a curious guy, I asked, what date are you characters planning to pounce? I would like to get situated on my porch, with a lawn chair and beverage, and watch the action. I was told that it was none of my business, but I would be first to get my throat cut, along with other liberals. I guess they’re trying to conserve bullets.

Well, OK then. Seems harsh, but the liberal doesn’t rub off, so a minority in North Dakota I shall be. F you III percent dude and all of your pets.

They claim that race isn’t an issue, but their membership spiked when Obama was elected and again when Black Lives Matters came to being. So, race is kinda involved.

I don’t know if any these III percent mutts, or other militia species, went to Charlottesville, Va., and stood with the white supremacists, white nationalists, the KKK, neo-Nazis, alt-righters and other feral hate groups that figured out Google maps and had extra torches on hand.

There are no rationalizations for ugly white supremacists toting long guns, reprehensible props and flags of enemies, walking through an American city, although Rob Port, Scott Hennen and plenty of others are trying. NO, the white supremacists and the counter demonstrators are NOT just two sides of the same coin.

Excusing overt racism is despicable and puts the apologist in the same bunker as the other deep thinkers, staring at ammo, freeze-dried diced beef and the chemical toilet. Enjoy.

Racism is an American pastime, and it still permeates North Dakota. Did you think that Pete Tefft was our only white supremacist? Good grief. North Dakota is infested with white supremacists, white nationalists, racists, bigots, alt-righters and others in the same ideological subdivision.

They need to be rooted out — and outed. Whether that turns out to be a useful strategy, or people take it as a compliment, and a benefit to their reputation, at least we’ll know who is who.

Recent studies have determined that right-wing terrorism has been more dangerous to U.S. citizens living in the homeland than any Muslim-related terror. Yet, we spend many billions specifically earmarked to keep tabs on Islamic extremists, but Republicans in Congress kill any efforts to deal with the right-wing threat. It’s quite stupid.

Especially important to name are those in charge. Racists that sit on city councils, hold legislative seats, work for the government and the loudmouths who have a daily radio or print presence. I’ve already named a couple.

North Dakota is one the most homogenous states in the union, but there are still Native Americans to kick around, as they always have been. The stereotypes never change, and we’re lucky enough to have a blogger willing to smear the First People at the drop of a Twinkie. His blog numbers go way up whenever the weasel trots out his bigotry and aims at the Natives, LGBTQ or refugees. Blogboy will claim so many of his fans are falsely labeled as racists or bigots, but I say… if the pillowcase fits, pal …

I think that Russian president groper has established where he stands. And we have so many of our lawmakers, at every level, who find Trump’s white friendly schtick, a dream come true. After eight years of suffering, somehow through competent governess, it’s good to get the old Nazi flag out the closet for the first time and march for the right to have separate water fountains once again.

So, disavow, sincerely, the supremacy bull$#!*, you North Dakota D.C. reps, leaders in our state executive branch, legislators, mayors, council people, commissioners, or prepare to be outed. As Sam Kinison screamed at a sweaty Rodney Dangerfield, “SAY IT! SAY IT!”

Then, you can brag or complain.