Unheralded

RON SCHALOW: Trump Leadership Turns North Dakota Into A Swing State

In the year 2000, the Supreme Court installed George W. Bush into the presidency and it blew the call in multiple ways. Bush was/is an intellectual wisp in his own family, a lazy POTUS and easily manipulated by sociopathic jamokes like Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, Roger Ailes and Dick Cheney.  When the Supremes stopped the count and the bizarre chad …


Unheralded

RON SCHALOW: North Dakota’s Special K’s Always Have Donnie T’s Back

Well, we watched our right-wing terror network working out some frustration in El Paso, Texas, plus the American terrorists currently listed as agnostic that shot up Gilroy, Calif., Dayton, Ohio, and those coming soon to your neck of the woods. And that was on top of our regular body count. Flags were lowered. The usual suspects drew their swords in …


RON SCHALOW: The Cowards Of The Country

Sen. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., second chair apologist for sexual predators, proposed a bill that would restrict federal funding for health care facilities that “don’t respect human life and patient rights.” Cramer gives no mention of the evil human rights abuses that President Trump has inflicted on brown children, who are unfortunately dependent on his care since the orange stain was …

RON SCHALOW: Republicans Are Working Against Our Future

A weird child tells Piers Morgan the darndest things about his just-funny-to-him meeting with Prince Charles: “I think I was yeah, we had a great conversation and it was about you would call it climate change but yeah I think we had a very very good conversation.” — Donald J. Trump We “all” call it climate change, Fonzie. Global warming is …

RON SCHALOW: Cramer’s 2014 Coverup

Sen. Kevin Cramer, R-N.D., has been doing a splendid job in his efforts to help his sociopathic low IQ pagan idol, President Trump, with tariff boy’s coverup, and there is a good reason why. He’s practiced. Cramer has put in the work for whoever puts the sparkle in the eye of his inner hyena. A year ago, Kevin was proudly …

RON SCHALOW: N.D. Legislature Moves To End Bakken Train Explosions — Albeit By Accident

Congratulations are due Reps. Jason Dockter, Craig Headland, Michael Howe and Todd Porter and Sen. Dwight Cook, who all had the hindsight to propose a tax incentive bill that might draw companies to the Bakken to buy all of our gases — the ones cooked into our sweet luscious crude. To buy less than 100 percent of it would be rude. …

RON SCHALOW: North Dakota Delegation’s Oil Pipe Dream

Washington Gov. Jay Inslee’s office recently received a terse letter from Sen. John Hoeven, Sen. Kevin Cramer and Rep. Kelly Armstrong, the most powerful set of unrelated triplets in North Dakota. The crowd roars. I don’t think Inslee honestly gives a rip, but he might admire their optimism. The super important envelope is surely somewhere on the governor’s desk, likely …

RON SCHALOW: The Fictional Senators Of North Dakota

“Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.” — Charles E. Weller, who authored the words to be a typing exercise. Many times I hammered out that seemingly patriotic sentence on an old clacking Smith Corona during typing class in the 10th grade, not once without peeking. Currently, I couldn’t tell to you …

RON SCHALOW: This Is The Worst Reality Show I’ve Ever Been In

It’s terrible. The president is an asshole and his poll numbers go up in unison with his every act of ignorant cruelty. That’s one of those “known knowns.” And maybe, “known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.” And I thought Donald Rumsfeld was a dick. Now, this odd character just entered. …

RON SCHALOW: N.D. Suing WA To Keep Explosive Bakken Oil Trains Rolling Through Seattle

“North Dakota’s oil regulator (Lynn Helms) is planning to sue the state of Washington if it goes ahead with a proposal to reduce the volatility of Bakken crude oil transported by rail, saying it is not supported by science and would devalue the product.” — The Columbian. “Helms also wants the North Dakota Legislature to add $500,000 to a litigation fund …

RON SCHALOW: The NDGOP Cares About Kids And Other Laughs

The party of cutting funds for Special Olympics was so worried that a kid might ingest an edible form of medical marijuana, it ixnayed some of the most useful ways to help people in distress. Opponents expressed sincere concern that a chocolate chip cookie, baked with love and marijuana, would attract children, and the next thing you know, you’ve got …

RON SCHALOW: Cramer Law Will Give Gun Industry Government Protection

A little over a year ago, 17 people were gunned down at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla. Most of them were teens. Within the last two weeks, two young survivors of that attack have committed suicide, as has the father of a Sandy Hook Elementary School (Newton, Conn.) shooting child victim. All of this death. The …

RON SCHALOW: Bismarck Grabs More Local Control

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to choose. So far, because the Legislature said so, no city can conduct a gun buyback, set a minimum wage, take a pistol from a depressed man, ban plastic bags or hold a gay pride parade. The last one is still on their wish list. Kevin Cramer’s office calls every day to complain …

RON SCHALOW: A Cramer Replica

Fear not, if you were worried that Kelly Armstrong’s feet wouldn’t be small enough to fit into Kevin Cramer’s shoes. The wingtips feel fine. No room for growth, so perfect. Like Cramer and many others in his party, Armstrong will follow Donald Trump into the always popular “obese size” executive time tanning bed slash toaster oven to retrieve an unknown …

RON SCHALOW: Nullification Of The Future Directed At Fargo

Two bills aimed right at Fargo. Hardly a liberal oasis, but frightening enough that some paranoid lawmakers feel a firewall is needed to prevent any progressive action on the things they hold dear. Keeping workers poor — and guns. Any brand, weight or color. Any size, grip or muzzle. And don’t you forget it! Kevin Cramer was in Fargo without …

RON SCHALOW: Oil Companies Aren’t For North Dakotans To Love

Suddenly, we’ve seen multiple bum-kissing letters-to-the-editor for big carbon. It was the oil tax thing that got them going. The North Dakota Republicans voted to let big oil keep the gift of a lower tax rate that they maniacally bestowed on the impoverished industry when the R’s slipped the dollars past the goalie in last days of the 2015 session. …

RON SCHALOW: Are Casualties Acceptable In Your Town?

Last June (2014), North Dakota Gov. Jack Dalrymple called disaster agencies and emergency personnel together for a “tabletop exercise” to practice a response to a possible Bakken oil train derailment, and the subsequent explosions. They estimated there would be more than 60 deaths if such an incident occurred in Bismarck, N.D. (65,000 pop.) or Fargo, N.D. (110,000 pop.). — Prairie …

RON SCHALOW: Mid-January Punditing

Since the Fargo Forum’s shill for the overdog and slacker political pundit, who refers to himself as a humble observer and the most influential political blogger in North Dakota, isn’t being humble or most influential, he obviously isn’t up to his own hype and requires a hand. Need an example? “Port: State lawmakers should be wary of their own revenue …

RON SCHALOW: T-bones Will Outlast Us All

It’s getting a little chippy out there in Forum letters-to-the-editor land, regarding the delicious bovine’s monster recurring donation to the greenhouse gases mix. Miracle meat or not, cows and other farm animals emit methane. The kangaroo does not, I understand. And methane is 30 times more powerful than carbon dioxide as a heat-trapping gas. So, there’s that. Hell, in North …

RON SCHALOW: White Male Victimization Anxiety Epidemic Fades

So what happened to the women haters who had a crush on the rabidly unconventionally handsome Bret Kavanaugh and slithered into the slimy pits to smear a sexual assault survivor? Are they taking a break? The Men’s Rights Movement, a lot like the mildly obese Donald Trump finding too many pieces of chicken in the bucket, is back to a …

RON SCHALOW: 2019 In Trump Years

Later this month, Donald Trump tells Justin Trudeau to keep those low IQ Canada geese on his side of the loser border. “Or what?” asks the Prime Minister. “We’ll hit them with the tear gas, that’s what, junior. No, wait. I’ll have them lined up and shot. Did you hear that, Trudy? We’re going to shoot them with our guns. …

RON SCHALOW: A Small Pile Of 2018

Because I can’t stop clicking on Amazon ads with pictures of things I don’t recognize, I know what more things look like than I did last year, which only counts for tots. I spotted the “Future Fork” that is not for eating future meals, as it turned out. It’s a modern, I guess, pitchfork/shovel for moving manure. Amazon recommends that …

RON SCHALOW: Three Blind Rodents And Other Things

Most semi-sentient Americans with an Internet connection, or a library card, knew that Donald Trump has been a lying criminal National Enquirer sleazebag for decades. What a surprise to find out that goober doesn’t have a little president’s hat. Or functional cap. It is an impressive collection of hats, though. Every large inebriated polar bear I’ve ever met in a …

TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — Self-Reflection

I begin today in a self-reflective state of mind at the urging of Kevin Cramer, who took umbrage over criticisms of Precedent Trump’s un-Christianlike behavior at George H. W. Bush’s funeral. Trump didn’t sing, recite the Apostles’ Creed, or offer Michelle Obama even one piece of candy. Apparently, he was fearful of violating her nutritional guidelines. Since she left Washington, …

RON SCHALOW: Duh Don Trump (DDT) Concentrated

Just in the last seven to 10 days, a sampling of DDT: We’re shooting tear gas canisters at kids. That’s a thing I haven’t seen since the last seriously raucous protest. I guess civilians have been dodging that poison for a long time. Maybe advanced photography makes the current scene more surreal. Something about this time seems extra evil. Here …

JIM FUGLIE: View From The Prairie — Election 2018: Racists 1, Potheads 0

A couple final (?) thoughts on the Nov. 6 election in North Dakota. * * * * * Did racism play a role in the 2018 North Dakota election? As I’ve said repeatedly over the past few months, North Dakota Democrats needed to focus ALL their messaging opportunities on two topics: Trump’s trade wars and Republicans trying to take away health …

RON SCHALOW: Trump Calls His Right-Wing Terrorists To War

Last week, our president stated the following: “These people, like the Antifa — they better hope that the opposition to Antifa decides not to mobilize. Because if they do, they’re much tougher. Much stronger. Potentially much more violent. And Antifa’s going to be in big trouble. “Because if you look, the other side, it’s the military. It’s the police. It’s …

RON SCHALOW: Politics Of Race And Fear Gave Cramer The Win

There were plenty of reasons that would provoke a normal North Dakotan to vote for the bigoted puffy suit of peacock feathers known as Kevin Cramer over the impossibly more competent, intelligent and productive Heidi Heitkamp. Mainly it was the letter behind Heitkamp’s name that was a provocation. Cramer had no record, so he relied on the letter “T” for …

RON SCHALOW: Blogger Without A Cause

“If Heidi Heitkamp loses, what is Forum columnist Rob Port going to write about over the next six years?” — Jim Shaw It’s always the kids who suffer the most unless they’re surrounded by metal chain-link fencing which is as insufferable as it gets according to senator to be Kevin Cramer an expert on child confinement for some reason. After six …

JIM FUGLIE: View From The Prairie — Money Can’t Buy Me Love

As the Beatles sang in their 1964 hit, “Money Can’t Buy Me Love,” Sen. Heidi Heitkamp’s millions of dollars collected in the wake of her vote against Trump Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh weren’t enough to sway North Dakota’s Republican bias, and she took areal thumping in her race against Congressman Kevin Cramer for the U.S. Senate. Midterm elections are notorious …

RON SCHALOW: Cramer Approves All Trump Messages Or What A Fool Believes 

“A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.” — Alexander Hamilton Years ago, when walking down Main Street in Minot — it’s really on an incline — I regularly saw an unfortunate man with baggy gray pants and suspenders who angrily yelled at parked cars. Had I promised to support anything the short old man said or did, …

RON SCHALOW: Heidi Kicks Kevin’s Butt

Executive Summary: Heidi Heitkamp walked over Kevin Cramer like an Irish setter wearing spiked golf shoes Friday eve. But all you get when that happens is a deflated, puffed-up bantam rooster, which makes for little more than a lumpy throw rug with a weak mind and sweaty palms. “Smirky” claimed to be for civility in politics, while his roly-poly role …

RON SCHALOW: Super Crump Bred To Scare Gullible White People Out Of Their Bejeebers

And some of their money. Bejeebers can be had for a small bag of low-quality spring garage sand. No dust will be accepted until further notice. GEORGE SOROS BUYS MONTANA!!! Kevin Cramer has sold himself as the thrift-sized Donald Trump. He has also taken the Cult45 oath and gently handed the rose to a forever blushing Donnie T. So there …

TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — Integrity Matters

Heidi Heitkamp has had better weeks. She’s probably had better train wrecks. “Nobody told me there’d be days like these,” John Lennon sang. “Strange days, indeed.” Last week, her campaign, scrambling for momentum, included in a newspaper ad the names of 127 women purported to be sexual abuse victims. The ad called out Kevin Cramer for his insensitivity to the …

RON SCHALOW: Cramer Calculates 10 Percent Slogan Edge Using Magic Trump Math

One of the features of Trump University alternate mathematics is the ability to optionally count invisible people, a revolutionary new system of viewing numerals and other math adjacent quotients. Kevin Cramer evidently clicked on “other.” Anyway, on a  nationally broadcast political show, Showtime’s “The Circus,” Cramer told John Heilemann “… if it happens that Donald Trump is right for North …

RON SCHALOW: Forum Endorses Cramer, Apparently Under Duress

So, the Forum editorial board has decided that the 2019 Sears catalog cover boy, Kevin Cramer, is the best choice for the U.S. Senate, rather than the suspiciously superior Heidi Heitkamp. The decision is not a surprise. The board always find a way to placate ownership and endorse the Republican candidate. It’s their prerogative. Some poor sap had to type …

RON SCHALOW: Kevin The Debate Smirker

The congressman stood behind the podium talking in circles, grinning like a meerkat pup that just got the better of his first scorpion, and the crunchy bugger would make a fine breakfast burrito. Then, the smug miniature mongoose of the desert smirked, smarmed and sniggered for 60 minutes after the meal, as is the custom of his holy family. That …

RON SCHALOW: Lies, Lies And More Lies

According to the almanac, this is Rob Port’s 715th Heitkamp lie, which I believe beats Basil Ruth’s record. Basil had good run, but was forced to join the circus last year. Rumor, from one of my anonymous sources, suggests that Port was smiling during the abduction but refuses to lift things. Anyway, Sen. Heidi Heitkamp ran an ad, an open …

JIM FUGLIE: View From The Prairie — Could A Facebook Screwup Determine Control Of The U.S. Senate?

Wouldn’t it be something if control of the U.S. Senate turned on a couple of misinterpreted Facebook posts by an overzealous supporter of an obscure senator from North Dakota named Heidi Heitkamp? Could happen. Heidi, who I would have rated last week as having at least a 50-50 chance of holding her seat in the Senate, is in big trouble. …

TONY J BENDER: That’s Life — Pre-Election Quiz

I don’t know if you’ve been following along but there’s this thing 58 percent of Americans do the first Tuesday of November. And no, it’s not check the mailbox for a welfare check as some might have you believe. It’s called it an election, although some people refer to them as train wrecks. The last election should have been sponsored …

TOM DAVIES: The Verdict — Interrogation Gone Wrong?

Saudi journalist and U.S. resident Jamal Khashoggi was murdered in the Saudi Consulate. President Trump told America that the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia “forcefully denies the killing.” President Trump then went on to say there may have been “rogue killers” involved and said he was waiting for information. That’s another presidential lie, since Turkey has made clear it shared …

RON SCHALOW: Congressman Changes Name To Kevin Kanye Trump IX

“Where are the Cool Ranch Doritos?” barks Donald Trump. “This is the worst disaster in the history of disasters. Maybe ever.” “Bottom left drawer.” “Oh, thanks, Eyebrow. I wonder what other presidents used this drawer for? Probably alcohol and cocaine powder. This country is a mess. Obama must have been one lubed up skinny Kenyan from shithole Africa, believe me. …

MARTIN C. FREDRICKS IV: Four The Record — Tears Of Us Clowns

In the context of the hearings to determine if Bret Kavanaugh is fit to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court, Rep. Kevin Cramer has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that he isn’t fit to represent anyone. Again. Again. The only time North Dakota’s lone congressman makes national news is when he’s inserted his foot so far down his …

RON SCHALOW: But Kevin, What If It Was Your Daughter?

Based on his related comments, it’s hard not to imagine a Kevin Cramer conversation with a sexual assault survivor that doesn’t go something like this. A Cramer-related female rushes in the front door, and yells, “Father, er, sir, I’ve been attacked.” Cramer doesn’t look up. “Who are you?” He continues smiling down on a photo of him trying to give …